Why do some people think birth mothers are horrible people?

noodlesmycat

Bless you for telling the truth! The trolls did try to make the best out of a bad situation and are now falsely accusing us for their mistakes. So much for their saccharine coating.

dory

Yes, I agree. Too often I have read comments here calling natural mothers drug addicts, irresponsible, lazy, abusive whatever. I find it disgusting.

I found my mother a few years ago and she has never been any of those things - she's a hard working, caring, loving person. It's a shame I had to spend most of my life apart from her.

kidmindi

I don't know why some ppl are down on birth mothers. I know mine had problems and could not be a proper mother.

We have a good relationship now that I'm an adult. I have no resentment towards her because she wasn't able to raise me.

sarah m

well i was adopted and i do resent my birth mother for her choice but hers was one of embarrassment. i think my anger started when my adopted family members and friends gave me a hard time about not being blood or having a real family. it was all very confusing and emotional. i actually got accused of flirting with my cousin because I'm the adopted one. it was all very traumatic

amyburt40

Okay yes "birth" mother is an outdated term. I have spoken with thousands of them across this country. They don't like that term and prefer first or natural mothers. That term defines them by one experience. My natural mother is way more than birth mother. She is the mother of my two brothers, she is the wife to her husband, and she is the daughter of her parents. She is many things. Its time to be respectful to mothers. All mothers.

Yes I do agree that there is a great deal of hostility towards natural mothers. There is fear and insecurity on the part of adoptive parents. The adoption industry as a whole feeds this fear and insecurity massively. The NCFA tells adoptive parents to call their children's natural parents ~ biological strangers while trying to convince natural mothers are good mothers. Which is it? Biological stranger or good mother?
My own adoptive mother battled with that and overcame. Even though she pushed me into it, she still had to deal with her own insecurity about it. Fortunately she never believed the hype.

If you want to increase adoption, allow adoptees and their families access to the adoption records. If you want to decrease abortion, allow adoptees and their families access to the adoption records.

If a woman willing puts her child up for adoption, she never considered abortion to begin with. If a woman is having an abortion, then adoption is not going to help her. She doesn't want to go through the rest of her life never knowing her child.

Lue

We have a wounderfull relationship with our birthmother and her family, some people just diiferant.

jessica300

I lost my child to adoption and don't think that I am a horrible person, but do think that the adoption system is a horrible system and losing a child is a horrible experience.

I believe that I could have provided for my son, but I was not given the reinforcement, positive feedback (that so many prospective adopting women seem to need/want/expect) with which to do this.

The term birthmother is a total fabrication of the adoption agencies. Do you think that a mother who lost her child to adoption would like to be reduced to a woman who gives birth only? Do you think that it was OUR voice that was heard when agencies decided upon the language to be used? The "birthmother" term is used ONLY to denigrate and demean the relationship between women and the children whom they lost to adoption. Women, such as my son's adoptive mother, were not secure enough in their roles as adoptive mothers to accept that their adoptive children had natural mothers, first mothers, mothers, so they needed to plaster a label on us to make us feel less. Guess what, I don't accept the label. I'm mom.

Elizabeth

"Birthmother" is an outdated term, and further I find it offensive. I only have one mother.

I do think SOME mothers are horrible people, if you ever met my mother you'd understand.

Sadly, SOME mothers, including mine, did what was best for themselves, not their children.

Sadly, SOME mothers, when found by their abandoned adult children continue to reject their children and I do find those types of mothers "horrible, irresponsible, and unloving."

And no, it isn't always better to be alive, abortion is a better alternative than the adoption horror show.

babyfreemangirl

i didnt give my children up but they are now adopted now,
mine were taken away form me, because my x huspand
beating me up.
that doesnt make me a bad person, does it?
i know how you feel though, people thank its my fault,
but now im hunting for them and i will one day see them again ,boy i sure do miss them.
i now have a boy 6 yrs ,
and a girl, one and 3 step children also.
i know i cant replace the ones i had, but it sure fullfills some of the empty space in my heart , and one day your empty space will be filled to. your not a bad person , you did what was best at the time.

shelly111972

You must know this first hand.

anonamisss

because ur child thinks you abandoned them

BPD Wife

While both my son's birthparents had their share of problems and while I do not necessarily agree with the lifestyle that they have chosen, I certainly do not think they are horrible people. How could I hate the people who gave birth to my child? That would just seem crazy to me.

Ironically, I think that this Y!A category has more people who dislike adoptive parents or think that they are horrible people rather than the biological family. But I've just come to learn that everyone has their own opinion and we have to respect that.

Just my personal thought on your question.

Crucio

People are free to use any term they like for their biological mother. I donâ€™t find anything to be outdated its all about what a person feels comfortable with. Natural mother to me just seems too weird I prefer using birth â€œmotherâ€ or genetic â€œmotherâ€. You look at someone like Tmarie99 who prefers to be called a birthmother, and Iâ€™m sure she isnâ€™t the only biological mother who prefers that term. Most genetic mothers are doing what they feel is best for their birthchild and I donâ€™t think they should have to take flack from people just because they did what they felt was best. That they didnâ€™t want to kill their child which some people donâ€™t want to do. Life is better then death IMO. Iâ€™m glad I got to live and wasnâ€™t aborted. Adoption actually saved me in many ways. For that I will always be gratefully.

Winning the lottery, that would likely not even happen so its one of those big what if questions. And is a bit pointless since the chances of winning are slim not to mentioned if this young mother is putting her child up for adoption or even thinking about it, her funds could be spent better then buying a lottery ticket.

Many people pre-judge people and thats what happens in the cases of some birhtparents. If someone is totaly agasint adoption they are going to think poorly of birhtparents who place their birthchildren for adoption. They will have the mind frame of some who say parent or kill. (abort).

Tmarie99

I just had to chime in... Anyone calls me a "natural" or "first" mother is gonna get a smack in the chops.
I am a BIRTHMOTHER. I was there for his BIRTH and ONLY his birth. His "natural" and "first" mother is the woman who sat with him through his illnesses, changed his diapers, saw his first steps, helped him with homework, and (hopefully) watched him graduate from college with pride.

Birthmother is not an outdated term, and I resent those who are not birthmothers telling ME what I should be called.

ohshititsher

Well first you must ask yourself what type of birth mother? Yes there must be a halo around the heads of women who choose adoption. Try to have a healthy pregnancy and choose the best possible parents to raise this wonderful child. However, there are birth Mom's that have the child/baby taken away from abuse/neglect. They choose to keep there child in a situation that wasn't in the child's best interest. I myself have had the privilege to adopt from both scenarios. I applaud woman that have the interest of the child. It's extremely selfless. Please understand that birth mom's come in many forms.

â€Bugseyâ€

I look up to people who choose adoption. It is very very selfless.

nick c

i think your read to much into it evry one has a veiw on evrything.... its just you read alot abut adoption nd what people have to say about it...... But if it makes you feel better my youngest child is adopted... and i have a very good relationship with the birthmother..in fact i have a tremondous amount of respect for her......and i only new her for 2 mnths before we adopted......try not to think to much about it....happy holidays

audoribleaudrey

The way I feel about it is ... the birth mother cares enough about her baby not to have an abortion. Unless you were in her shoes, you would never know how hard it was to give up a baby for the sake of the little one's future. I just think it is sick when the father walks out... they are the ones to put to shame.

celinuchis90

I have know idea, but I agree, plus many people would love to adopt children because they can't have any of their own, so the birth mother is giving joy to another couple.

ame dragonfly

I completely agree, I'd much rather see someone given up for adoption than murdered before they had a chance!

i have all i ever wanted in life

I think that birth mother's loved their child enough to know that they could not give them the life they deserved and knew someone else could ,

BEAUTIFUL STRANGER

Not all birth mothers are horrible. The ones that are ,are the ones that choose to keep their children and then abuse and/or neglect them. Women who give their children up for adoption are wonderful people. I consider them unselfish and I have a great deal of respect for them. They give up their babies to give them a better chance at a good life that they themselves may not have been able to give. They also give people who may not be able to have children naturally a chance to experiment parenthood. My neice is adopted and I love her dearly, just as much as I love her younger sister who is blood. Word could not express how thankful that I am to my oldest neices birth mother for letting her be in our lives.

waterlily3422

Mothers who adopt are wise and doing whats right. What would people rather they do? Abort? That's not what God wants. If people don't like their decision, the hell with them. Their loosers. They made the right decision to adopt and God will bless them for it. :)

Danie S

I think some of it has to do with the "old school" ideas of birth mothers still being the norm in a very different world.
Society still has the idea that it is "unnatural" or wrong for a mother to be willing to "give up" her child.
Birth mothers should be lauded for their decisions.

Max

mothers are narcisssistic and shallow-minded. they think they gotta do all the chores, they gotta have sex with one guy for the rest of their life, those make them super-great. they think they're almost perfect. my own mother said that once and now she didn't remember ever said that. they are ignorant and careless. they know nothing about basic psychology and mental problems of their children. they just do what the ancestors did.

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