Why do you think that AP's are better parents?

LaurieDB

Wow. Now you've managed to insult every person who has ever raised his or her own child(ren.) Of course, that's the vast, vast majority of parents.

It's also an insult to anyone who has ever been abused by an adoptive parent. Yes, there are abusive parents of ALL varieties, AP's included.

Suzanne

You think spending more money on a child makes them a better parent? wow.

chickenfarmer

That's a grossly misinformed and biased thought. I'm the biological parent of both my children and they couldn't possibly have a more healthfully involved mother (ever heard of helicopter parenting?, it's where the parent constantly hovers, that's not a good thing). I don't buy my children everything, we can't go on expensive trips, but by golly they sure are loved.

Freckle Face

I do not believe ap's are better parents.

We are just parents along with everyone else.

Some good, some bad, some average, and some indifferent.

Mei-Ling

...

I'm stunned by your question. And I'm pretty certain my ADOPTIVE parents would be stunned too. They never felt that they were "better" parents than the biological ones I had.

[Forming a family through adoption requires planning, resources and effort over time]

Damn. I didn't realize the biological family next door to me NEVER has to plan out their time management, resources and put into effort into anything they do with their toddlers.

Yeah, adoptive parents may have to go through emotional restraints and get screened. They may pay thousands of dollars to go overseas and get a toddler from an orphanage, and they may have to come back and deal with ethical issues about race and "birth families" all in the name of the child's best interest.

They might have to do all that, and they may think they deserve an extraodinary pat on the back for proclaiming to the entire world that they've been through hell and back to adopt their child, but you know what?

They. Had. That. Choice.

They. Made. That. Choice.

Emma t

I think that is a load of crap personally. I spend loads of money on my daughter, loads of time, and effort to make her happy.

how do they spend more money exactly? When you have a baby, you have to buy all the things for them, then you have to buy maternity gear (which does add up to alot). then there is ovulation calculators and pregnancy test, scans, hospital bills. They also have to pay for nappies and formula milk (if bottle feeding).

you need to plan to have a baby aswell (although sometimes it just happens).

just because the child is their biological child does not mean they won't have family meals and go to extra curricular events .

I think that study is insulting to biological parents, it makes us look bad!

My friend was adopted and he now hates his adoptive parents, they treated him like crap, he never bonded with them and now has anger management problems, because they didnt bond with him as well as his biological mother did when she was alive.

Mommy times 2!

Airyfairy, we only wish. This poor excuse for a human being is actually an adoptive mom. I feel really sorry for her kids, and hope they start therapy like YESTERDAY.

BOTZ

OH MY GOD!!!

I grew up in poverty -- in my ADOPTIVE family. My NATURAL parents have (and in all of their adulthoods have ALWAYS had) more money than my adoptive parents.

My NATURAL parents ARE (not were, not would have been...) but ARE better parents than my adoptive parents. They have 7 more children (in total, not with each other) and I am in contact with all of my natural siblings except one. Please try to keep in mind (hard as that is for some) that I'm (yes) making a judgement of my 4 parents based on my OWN perceptions and feelings about them based on what *I* think makes a good parent -- from the perspective of the "receiver" of their parenting. Also, I'm not saying my a-parents were bad...not at all...just that my natural parents were -- and are -- better.

Sorry to all the wonderful adoptive parents -- "out there" in the world and right here on this board. I'm NOT talking about you -- I'm talking about MINE...only mine.

My adopted parents did have sit-down meals with us and do fun, cool family activites with us -- SO DID MY NATURAL PARENTS with my siblings -- and all of us (me included) since we've been reunited.

This "question" -- which is not a question at all -- is so insulting!

And, as a researcher in two professional fields, I can assure you (and I'm sure many already know) that "studies" can be made to say anything you want them to. Especially when the "researcher" starts out with an agenda.

UGH!

Randy B

I don't find them any better or any worse. They are parents. Everyone is different.

snowwillow20

My husband and I are great parents. We did give up our first child but we did parent our son. He played every sport and we attended every game. We started a business and paid for him to go to College, he's a math teacher now, married with a child of his own. We are successful.
My bdaughter was adopted at 6 weeks, we were told she would go to a family right away, but she didn't. she needed leg braces, we had no idea, but we believed all the crap the Childrens Home Society told us.Her adopted family wanted her to give up her child when she got pregnant. She was molested. She married a bum.

Morgaine

I do not think that throwing money at a child (by paying for activities, working less so they can get more involved at school etc) makes APs better parents.

It may be they are trying to make up for what they can't provide by being genetically related to their child.

It may be that they are more mature as generally APs are older.

I do not think that APs are better or worse than biological parents. I do think, however, that they have more to make up for than biological parents do.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

omg! what a stupid question.

my aparents would laugh at you. as do i.

Gershom

This argument is totally flawed and useless. Its not about "more or less" than, its not about "better or worse" there are each on each side of the parenting line. There are great natural parents, and there are great adoptive parents, arguing that one is better than the other as a whole group cannot be proved. For every study you could come up with that says they're better, i bet I could find one that says that they're worse, so what does that tell you? Who would be right then?

I can't waste my time on these useless questions anymore.

sunny

My aparents were always broke, and we never had money for x-tra activities.

I went to school, and came home, my parents knew nothing about my schooling, and didn't care.

Their 'desire' to have children was not solved by adopting other people's children--I think it only reinforced that we were not theirs. We had NOTHING in common.

We did eat dinner together--it was excruciating.

Yeah, adoption is grand.

Airyfairy

I agree, what a stupid question to ask - I gather you have no children of your own/adopted or otherwise.

Isabel A

Gee golly!

I don't spend enough money on my children because I took the time to birth them AND raise them myself?
Really? That's news to me.

I guess my husband and I really need to discuss doing the right thing and putting them up for adoption.

Pools and ponies mean so much more than the love of a parent.

jessica300

I lost my son to adoption - voluntary relinquishment. I grew up with my biological parents - we had family meals together every day, we vacationed together every other weekend (my Dad liked to camp - a lot!).

My son's aps had enough money to send him away to boarding school for 4 YEARS! I guess these were the tough teen years or something. Anyway, no family dinners for him!

Yeah, money = love, right.

Independ"ant"

In general I don't think they are.

"barrier to entry"?

Are you referring infertility or the laws in effect to protect children from desperate people "wanting" a kid at any cost.

I don't think its just that but more so some are trying to buy a childs love and affections or overcompensate for separating them from their mothers. It doesn't work. Look at the thousands of a-children looking for their nmothers as soon as they are able to.

I think you should ask this question to the adoptees that were beaten, psychologically abused or raped by a-parents and see what they think about your opinion.

lahdh4

Apparently it is your personal opinion or you wouldn't have posted this supposed question in the first place.
I, personally, think it is a bunch of crap and deserves to serve itself at a bottom of a compost pile.
I wasn't adopted and my parents were very much involved in my and my brothers life. Everyone knows it doesn't take money to raise a child.

Gaia Raain

I think a better question would be why do YOU think AP's make better parents? I'm just guessing the answer has something to do with your need to convince yourself that your raising children who (another guess) probably would have been just fine with their real mother is a good thing. If you need to convince yourself, it's probably not true.

Jennifer L

I don't think that by virtue of being adoptive parents, means they (we) are inherently better parents.

But the points you make (activities, family meals, etc) can directly be related to money. Families with more money or have only one parent working full time, means there's more disposable income and time to do these activities. I know plenty of families that are not adoptive families that have more time/money for music lessons, volunteering in the school, having a parent home in time to make a sit-down dinner every night, etc, than we do, as adoptive parents.

I think your comparasion is more of a result of having $$$ than being adoptive/biological families.

ETA: Also, the number of children in the home makes a difference. Volunteering for one classroom, taking one child to sports/music and making dinner for 3 is a LOT different than having 3 children with activities and making a dinner for 5.

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