Why does adoption cause such intense reactions?

Flying Monkey #073177

It causes intense reactions because it is an intense topic for those who live it. Every person touched by adoption has an emotional investment in it to some degree. Even people who are blissfully happy have certain things they need to cope with, a happy adoptee still has to tell their Dr. why they have no family medical background, a happy natural parent still has to explain to people that they relinquished a child, a happy adoptive parent still has to accept that they "share" their child with another family. There isn't a cut and dry way people deal with these things and every adoption is unique because the people involved are unique. Adoption has caused as much heartache and pain as it has caused joy for many people.

Lori A

Every one tries to defend what they know to be true. Others try to enlighten those who do not have facts from another aspect. In other words, Some know that adoption has saved lives, others know that adoption is painful to live, and yet others know that it is a very hard decision to live with.

Trying to get all involved to respect each others position some times gets heated because the industry has done a very good job of keeping us pitted against each other. Dismissing the other parties feelings.

I have only one perspective of adoption, that of a surrendering mother. I know what it did to me. I have no idea what it is like to live a life of never finding anything even remotely familiar in the mirror because I have my fathers features. I can't even begin to comprehend what it is like to suffer the heart ache of not being able ot have your own children and wanting to be a parent so badly. I do know what empty arms feel like, they are want I walked away from the hospital with. Lots of stitches and empty arms.

So when trying to explain what exactly it is like to be part of adoption there are many different views and some don't think that down side exist. (compliments of your local agencies) Like the blank slate theory, or women made their decision they need to live with it, infertility issues and the effects it can have. All the while the agencies are driving up the prices, making bogus accusations, offering things there are no laws to protect, and giving away college educations in exchange for fresh squeezed infants. All played off of the emotions of people associated with adoption.

HappyMomAnna

Because there are 3-sides to the situation and whenever there are 3-sides the dynamics are far more interesting and contentious.

Semper Fi

I think a lot of people are against adoption, they see things on tv and movies like the movie America and they think all the child will know is suffering, but the reality is older children are just harder to adopt, that's something that's never going to change, but babies well everyone want a newborn baby so they really dont have trouble finding homes but the cost to adopt a baby is a bit up there so it all depends. Some People think adoption is the greatest thing in the world because they are against abortion and others think abortion is better then adoption. Its a touchy subject and I think that's why people have such strong opinions on the topic

kitta

Because it is "life and death." It is as old as life itself. Giving birth used to be a leading cause of death for women.

Yet, it was the only way to continue the species. And it is a powerful drive.

You can find stories in ancient literature, in fairy tales, and in the Bible...of infertile women saying "give me children, lest I die."Some will even kill other women to get their children.

And there are stories of evil troll people trying to steal children and of parents desperately trying to hang onto them like "Rumpelstiltskin."

Reproducing is a biological drive. The natural family is the cornerstone of society and it is what all societies are based on.

juicy_wishun

Children and reproduction may be the most important aspects of human life. A very good case could be made for offspring being -the- reason for life itself. It's only natural that anything involving children should appeal to our deepest levels.

With adoption, the fundamental truth is that a parent had a child, and then did not care for it. Quite often there is an excellent reason for this, but that basic idea does things to people's emotions that they can't help, and may not even realize.

where is everybody?

i don't know what opinions you're suggesting. i have a son i adopted. got him at a week old as a foster child. i think every case is different.

devon_chaos

Because it is something that involved children, and what is in their best interests, be it staying with their family, or finding an alternative.

Personally, I am an adoptee. I want to have my opinions heard so that the other members of the "triad" can see the opinions of someone who has come out of the other side.

I will never stop speaking my truth, telling my story, and sharing. My opinions are strong, because this is a huge issue.

Let Me Google That For You

people have strong opinions about babies and especially about abortion and adoption issues.

Mei-Ling

"Do you really wish for the abortionistâ€™s knife rather than the chance you were given? What level of self-loathing does that take? Your birth parents were unable to take care of you for any number of reasons. Get over it. Move on. I hope you ended up with a loving home but one thing is for sure â€“ you ended up with a life and all the potential that entails."

Sigh.

Crash Course 101 on How We Should Feel Yet Again.

My mother never planned on aborting me. Nice try.

As for the "get over it" and "move on"... how low can you get? To not have compassion? To not at least try to understand why we say what we do?

Jennifer L

There's a lot of emotion here, all around. We're talking about people's lives, control, legal and civil rights. People have some pretty strong opinions and experiences, on all sides.

I think some answers can seem particularly contentious when it's a "last straw" issue. I know I've flown off the handle after a LONG string of "AP-bad" questions/answers (some of which were pretty nasty and personal). But if you only read where I finally said "enough is enough", without following the trail that led to that point, you wouldn't understand where it came from.

My best advice is to watch and read for awhile before forming an opinion. The community of "regulars" here is pretty stable. So instead of picking one question or answer and running with it, realize that there is some history involved, both on the forum and from experiences off the forum.

SJM

Adoption defies the natural order of things. It affects people at a profoundly base level.

ETA: Yes, zipadedoda, I'm an adoptee. I am not a kid, although admittedly, I felt the same as a child.

Rowan

It's an intense subject. Before i started posting here last summer, i had no idea of the experiences of some of the people here. I didn't even believe some of the stuff at first.
I'm an adoptee, and had a good childhood. Some here did not. You need to realize that.

tiny_lil_hottie

fixing to adopt and i can tell you there are those who give a baby up and wish forever that they hadn't. there are those who long for babies but don't want the drama some adoptions (not all) can cause and then there is the baby. for some babies its better to be adopted when mom is on drugs, drunk all the time or having one baby after another that she can't and don't take care of. then there is the case where the parent was young or scared and gave it up due to cohersion and always regrets it and the baby was in foster care which is a horrible place for 98% in it and grows up feeling unwanted and unloved.
its different for each situation. i didn't really think about a baby, i gave up on another child 10 years ago when i got cervical cancer, my only child is 16. but my husbands-stepdad's-stepbrothers-stepchil... (complicated i know) is 7 or 8 months pregnant and hasn't gone to the doctor, don't want the baby and has told everyone she will just kill it cause no record of her being pregnant and no one will look for a baby. we convinced her that if she don't want it to give it to someone who will. and the only way she said she won't kill it is if we take it cause she don't want her kid in foster care like she had to go threw. she made it very clear she don't even want her name on the birth certificate but i'm still working on that one. for now i have her content with just having it and letting me and my husband raise it.
i'm fine with her wanting it back if she ever straightens up, and although i wasn't planning on adoption i would rather hunt for a quick way to do it than have her kill this baby as soon as its born....and she is just nutty enough to do it. at least with us it will have food, clothes, a home, and toys and positive attention. i can't garantee what it will have with her

realmom lese

Because adoption is tragic. It hurts for life.

Because it is an emotional issue. People have strong feelings about it. These days, people also don't know how to control their emotions.

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