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Samone
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I think that keeping a child & being raised by biological family is usually best. I say usually because their are situations were it's not best for the child (ie, drug abuse, abuse in any shape or form) to remain in the home, in those situations than yes it is best for the child.
What's more important is a safe secure enviroment for the child |
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Lillie
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I'm not sure where you would be getting this idea; I certainly don't think so.
My mother didn't do such a good thing by putting me up for adoption, in fact it was something that she didn't even want to do, but she didn't have any other choice. You might be interested in doing some reading into the "Baby Scoop Era" and how single pregnant women were treated. It's pretty sad.
What's really sad is, it hasn't completely disappeared. There are still pregnant teenage girls who aren't given any choice but to come home without their baby or not come home at all. Not much of a choice, is it?
I wish I could agree and say that adoption WAS a good thing for me, but since I have found and know my bio-family, I can say with 100% certainty that it wasn't. I wasn't "saved" from anything, I wouldn't have been abused, neglected or starved, my mother would NEVER have aborted me or thrown me in a dumpster, and in fact, my bio-parents got married 6 months after I was born. I would have lived a very normal life with a very normal family with my very normal full brother and extended family.
And the effects of giving me away on my mother? I won't get into that, but just to say that 34 years later and she still can't come to terms with it. Not even after reunion. It was devastating to her.
Of course she's not a bad person; she was just powerless against societal attitudes and family and agency pressure. |
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Problem Child
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Well, I'm with Julie, I've never seen anyone saying that the parents who place their baby for adoption are bad people.
I certainly don't think that.
What I do think is that, in a great deal of cases, parents think that they can't care for their baby due to age, lack of finances, lack of support, etc., And they aren't given any information or support to help them see that they can parent their child if that's what they want.
They are instead pressured to give their babies up for adoption, and told exactly what you said, that it's "good for the baby". If that were true, then why doesn't everyone with an age below say 25, for example, and an income below say 50 thousand a year, just be required to place their babies for adoption.
Why not? It's good for the baby, right? |
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julie j
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Hi Surfnerd,
I'm confused by your question. Could you please cite some sources of everyone thinking natural mothers are bad so we can see what you are talking about? Thanks,
julie j |
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LaurieDB
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From what I've seen, no on thinks someone who gives a child up for adoption is "bad." I have yet to see that stated here. I think it's sad whenever any parent-child relationship is torn. I also recognize that someone who has relinquished a child feels a deep pain. Why would I think that person is "bad?"
What makes you so sure that relinquishment is "good" for a child? How is ending the relationship between a parent and a child (where there is no abuse/neglect) "good.?" Another question to consider is this. Where is the proof that a relinquished child WILL get a better life? The only guarantee is that the child will get a different life from the one the parent would have provided.
Your question doesn't fully consider all of the issues. |
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Skyyblue
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i don't think everyone who puts there baby up for adoption is bad. |
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I.P. Freely
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i think it is a selfless decision. i nearly gave up my second child up for adoption...i was homeless, had a 4 year old, and this baby's father was very abusive. me and my 4 year old stayed in a homeless women's shelter and i only had one more paper to sign to finalize the adoption. an apartment i was waiting on opened up the day i gave birth. i kept her and am ever thankful. i would have given her up though...it would have been in her best interest...a mother only wants the best for her children. |
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Mellie
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Who cares what other people think. What gives anyone the right to judge another person for their actions until they have walked in their shoes.
If a woman decides to give up her baby for adoption because she feels it would provide the best life for her child, then noone else has the right to judge her for that. |
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Elizabeth
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Losing your entire family and identity is NEVER a good thing. Anyone who thinks that being abandoned, and being forced to live a life that was never supposed to be is actually a good thing needs to stop smoking crack.
Anyone with a lick of common sense knows that stealing a child's family is child abuse. |
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jgf5822
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something good for the baby???
hmmm. if you think abandonment and the feelings that are sure to come with it are good.... |
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Una
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Because it's not a nice thing to do. Most people if you ask them would never dream of giving their children away to people they do not know or have just met.
Most people who give up their babies don't even know where their kids are going or if they will ever see them again. And that's ok?
It's not ok.
It's not natural or normal. Parents are supposed to love their children and want to be in their lives.
I'm not adopted. But I've learned a lot from people here.
There just has to be a better way. |
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HappyMomAnna
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I don't think that placing a baby for adoption means that a person is bad....
I think it is a personal choice the mother (and father) should be able to make and it has nothing to do with the parents being bad people... |
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Rebecca S
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Actually, I think you are mistaken. If a girl puts her baby up for adoption she might be doing herself and her baby a big favor. Someone who can't have a baby gets a baby to love and raise. The birth mother will always wonder how the baby is, but if she choses good parents she can rest assured that the baby is happy. |
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mommy to Dayton!
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i think that people who give their baby up for adoption are very strong people. that would have to be the hardest thing anybody could ever do. and it is because they love their baby so much they want the baby to have a better life than what they can give to it and there are many people in this world who are ready for children but cant have them and with adoption they can have a child to love and give a wonderful life |
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Rayha
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You can give up a child BECAUSE you love him or her. If you are unable for some mental, physical, monetary or whatever the reason may be I would rather see it in an adoption situation than an abused one |
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Pamela C
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Putting a baby up for adoption is such a personal and individual thing I don't think anyone should consider themselves an authority on judging what is right or wrong.
I am an adopted child, or adopted adult now I suppose, and I would never go so far as to say that it was the right or wrong decision because I will never know how my life would have been if I hadn't been adopted.
I have wonderful parents and have had a great upbringing and my parents have provided my with love and support all my life - maybe I'm lucky. I have met my biological parents and have developed a very good relationship with them over the last 7 years, my biological mum and i are very good friends and i spend as much time with her and my brother as i can. My bio father and mother are not together anymore but are still very close and remain good friends. Their decision to give me up was forced upon them but I think looking back now they realise they were very young when they had me and could never have brought me up as my parents did or provided me with a stable home and with a college education.
I'm happy about the way my life turned out. I think adoption is a great way of giving a baby to a couple who desperately wants one while knowing that although you are not in a position to provide a good life for the child it is getting the best chance at life you can give..... |
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anniewog
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If they can't care for the baby then it is a great thing. I don't know anyone who thinks it is bad. |
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Armbar!
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In my opinion, it's a very good thing. To give up your baby for adoption is the most unselfish act I can think of. I wish more young women would do this. To me it is more selfish to keep a baby when you are not financially or emotionally ready. I was adopted myself and finally found my birth mother when I was 35 years old. The first thing I told her was, "thank you". It is so sad the guild and shame that society puts on young women who give up their babies for adoption. They should be praised for doing the right thing. Adoption is a beautiful thing, truly. |
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Lost Soul
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I don't know why it is seen as bad to put a baby up for adoption. I know a woman who is raising three grandchildren because she did not want her unmarried, drug addict daughter to give her children up for adoption. These poor children live in poverty with a grandmother who cannot afford to take proper care of them and a mother who drifts in and out of their lives. Wouldn't adoption have been better for everyone? |
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Ima
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I'd rather they put a baby up for adoption than terminate it's life through abortion. |
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mixed_beauties
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Ok, first of all, I would like to know where you got your references from. Where have you read that everyone thinks that people that put their babies up for adoption are bad? You have been given false information, or you have been severly mislead!
Just like everything in life, everyone is entitled to their own opinions and assumptions. However, in this case, I would have to say that you're wrong. I was adopted when I was three months old. I can't commend my birth mother, who passed away soon thereafter, enough for doing what she did. To me, she was unselfish and thought of things long term. I have been given a chance in life because of her. Thank goodness I didn't have to deal with going in and out of foster homes, only having one parent around, etc. I am so thankful and happy each and every day for her kindess and her willingness and realization that I could be rasied in a better environment.
ADOPTION IS A BEAUTIFUL THING. ADOPTION IS GIVING SOMEONE A CHANCE THAT MAY NOT HAVE HAD ONE! IF YOU OR ANYONE ELSE IS CONSIDERING THIS....I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO SO. |
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LaraSue
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It makes them feel better about themselves. They can say things like "well, I was in the same situation as you were(which isn't true, no one is in the same exact situation as anyone) and I still kept my baby" or " I was coerced into placing my baby for adoption, so it wasn't my fault."
"You however, are a **** and should have kept your legs closed if you didn't want a baby."
Because everyone knows that first mothers are just ignorant girls who can't think for themselves, and are only responding from pressure from agencies or their mothers to give up their babies. (that was sarcasm, by the way) |
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jttigger
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I think adoption is a great thing. i was adopted as a newborn, have a wonderful family. Some women just do not want to go through pregnancy which i believe is there choice. |
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kristalrose
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if you can't take care of child protect yourself from having children but yes if you do get pregnant i would rather see someone put the baby up for adoption then see them abandon the baby on the streets hopefuly you understand what this child will go through being given up they may not see the understanding that you use in your mind and hopefuly you go way and beyond making sure this doesn't happen again because then it would be very wrong to keep having babbies and putting them up for adoption is running out on your responsibliities |
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Still Me
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I assume you are referring to the idealists (adoption abolitionists) who live in a fantasy world where every girl/woman who is pregnant has a desire and ability to parent her baby on her own, or has the appropriate support to do so. Not sure where they suggest all those babies/children go while they are on this board bashing adoption, but, anyway.....
Call me crazy, but I have always thought that we should trust most women to know what is best for their child. And, another silly thought, I have always felt like babies/children cannot wait for a family while idealist adults try create a more Utopian world. |
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Raven Claw
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Well I don't know about it being bad, but minorities should be more careful, the sad truth is no one really wants to adopt them.
OMG you people are so mean, I didn't mean NO ONE wants them, just most people who adopt. |
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Jethro
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its a great thing. My 2 crack babies are getting the high life, literally from me and they in turn help with all my house and yasrd work. And the government gives me a check for keeping the new lil things and i no longer need to collect unemployment checks. They even give free medical asstance |
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