Why does everyone think this is so wierd?

Elizabeth

Yes it is weird.

The oldest questions known to humankind are Who am I? Where do I come from? How did I get here?

Would you start reading a book at Chapter 2?

No?

Well if you don't know your real parents, that is like starting your life at chapter two.

I think it was Socrates who said, "The unexamined life is not worth living."

PhilM

It's not weird. People go through different attitudes. There were times I really wanted to meet my birth mom. Then there were times I didn't think much about it at all. I didn't resolve to search until recently, in my mid-30's.

One thing I had to come to grips with... My searching for my birth mother had nothing to do with my feelings towards my adoptive parents. Searching didn't mean I didn't love them or that I loved them less. (And thankfully, they both realized that.) So whether or not you decide to search at any point, don't think that means you love your mom and dad any less. It doesn't.

I will also say that searching, for me, wasn't about finding some perfect parent (that never exists). It was curiosity about my past, my origins. You may not have that curiosity. That's okay. And one day, if you do develop some questions about that part of your life, you might change you mind. And that's okay too.

Joy M

I think it is pretty normal, I was like that until I was 18 and had a baby. I even had an in real life friend who was also adopted who would cry for her mom, and I felt...nothing. It was like they weren't even real people to me, until I had my own baby, and then it started to wake me up, and it was really hard, even so it wasn't really until I knew them that I realized what I had lost, or how my feelings, which I had thought were feelings everyone had, actually stemmed from my adoption experience.

Plus I liked to say I never thought about it, people thought I was "strong" for me, a lot of adoptees are like me in that it takes a milestone event, having your own children, or a medical emergency or something --- some people like myself repressed it out of necessity, it was too painful to cope with.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, if you are in denial, it is probably because that is where you need to be, you look very young, I would just try to enjoy where you are and deal with your adoption in your own time. Some people never do, and I don't think there is anything wrong wtih that.

ETA: I have to say that it makes me angry that people assume you are not curious because your adoptive parents did a "great" job with you, it is more likely that they sacred the bejeezus out of you and that is why you or not curious or the assumption that you are "confident and grounded" if you were so confident and grounded about this it wouldn't be a question on Y!A,

The stereotypes about adoptees being chattel are still alive and well. I hope those people some day realize how inhumane they are.

Minnimouse

Well what really matters is that you have the choice, so if you do ever decide then you have the opportunity.

Right now, it's absolutely fine to feel that you don't want to meet your birth mother. A lot of people however do need to meet their birth mother or family to stop feeling so lost.

But when people say that it is weird, just say that it's your choice, you might one day but right now, you are just not interested, you are happy with your life.

Laura,
You are not weird for feeling this way. My mom (an adoptee) did not search out her birth mom until she was in her late 40s. She just never felt the need or compelled to before then. They do have a very nice relationship now.
Neither one of them has any regrets about the adoption.

As others have mentioned the nice thing is you can change your mind and find her later on.

Carrie F

i dont think its weird its just that people think its a normal thing if they're adopted to look for their families but thats your choice im happy that your happy

tish

laura,

the choice is yours. many adoptees want to meet their birthmoms, others don't. i don't think it's at all wierd. what's ever better is that you have found peace and joy in your life as a adoptee...

rachael

i did have the curosity and did find my birthparents. i am very happy i did.
but no i dont find your story weird. i have actually several people that feel the same as you. im glad you are confident and comfortable with your life and your choices. dont let anyone tell you its wrong, weird or anything else. its your choice. either way, good luck on the rest of your life.

BlueSea

I do not. But then I too am adopted.
I was adopted at birth and always knew I was adopted, something my parents never hid and always told me how much my biological family must have loved me.
Sure growing up I had questions, I was very curious who these people were.
Long story short, my bio family found me when I was 21, I knew my bio parents had been married and I had two full blooded older sisters (bio ma and pa later divorced). Anyway, we met and they wanted so much from me it was ridiculous. I mean I wanted my curiosity satisfied but I was not looking for a relationship. As it was I to this day feel like I didn't turn out the way THEY thought I should, I felt so judged by them and needless to say we don't have much of a relationship now and quite frankly I don't need one. My bio Mom wanted me to call her Mom. Odd, don't ya think? And not fair to me!!!!
Main thing is I have a MOM and DAD I don't need more. If they had wanted to base our relationship on being friends it probably would have worked but that wasn't enough.
Anyway, in your situation it is probably just your age and people being in awe of your situation, it'll pass

sunny

Well, seems like you're a bit curious, or else you wouldn't be here, asking what others think...

Just because you love your mom and dad doesn't mean you owe them your life.

Aren't you curious about your ethnicity? About how your ancestors lived? About traits shared by your family? About how & why you came to exsist? There's only one person who can tell you that, and it's not the 'amazing' mom, dad, boyfriend, or other friends.

It's your natural mother.

Why not read some books to start?

The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier
Journey of the Adopted Self or Lost & Found both by
Betty Jean Lifton

I think you're dipping your toe in the water is good, it's healthy.

Good luck.

Indrit M- every1 falls!

tecniclly ur sopposed to look 4 ur family.. but wot u do is up to u.. in most cases people do look for their parents, so when they see some that doesnt want to find them, it looks wierd in that perspective not that it is wierd in its own way.

eko

If you don`t want to search, don`t. It is entirely up to you.

Fardreamer

no I don't think it's weird at all.

Debbie Downer

Nope, I don't think it's wierd at all.

What is wierd is that people will sit here and tell you that she "didn't want you" though, after you just said that she at least tried to take care of you, but realized she couldn't. So it's pretty obvious that she did want you, and loved you very much, to want to give you a good life.

So while it's not wierd, I do kind of feel very sad, because I bet she loves and misses you very much. Have you ever met a woman who has given a child up for adoption? My first boyfriend's mom was a "birth" mother, and for over 20 years she cried for her daughter every night.

I don't think many "birth" mothers ever forget about the children they give away or get over it. So I bet your mother is out there, somewhere, thinking about you and missing you.

Okay so maybe my answer is wierd, lol. But your feelings are your feelings, and you are entitled to them, so no, they are not wierd.

littledueceb

No but a lot of people are not as self assured as you. To many hang ups. Remember it is always your choice. Hope this helps.

punxy_girl

I don't think it's werid at all. Just some facts for you. Most searchers (about 80%) are women. Most are motivated by some major life occurrance such as a death in their immediate family, their own marriage, the birth of the first child, and so on. Most are happy with their adotive families and are searching because of curiosity about their medical and other history as well as the motivation of the birth mother. Good luck and keep us apprised of how you're doing! HUGS

mizz_becca_xo

I think it shows that your strong. Some ppl would probably like want to know everything about their birth family which would cause more stress on them. There's also chance your mom would realize how well you've been brought up and want you back. It could turn into a biggg mess.

Atleast your very happy with your life now :) everything happens for a reason.

deedee

No, You have had your answere of why. there is nothing wrong with how you feel. you are content with what you have and that is all that matters. My Son was adopted by my husband when he was 3 and he could care less about his biological father (he is now 17) Your Mom and Dad love you and it sounds like you are a mature lady so I think your thoughts are just fine. Why change anything.

wife2denizmoi

No, its not weird. Whats weird is that you feel you have to ask. You are old enough to make the decision and live with it. You may change your mind later in life or you may not. Its ok.

a healing adoptee

First off, please ignore Elizabet comment. It's not weird!!! What you are feeling and going through is perfectly normal. You may not have the desire now, but who knows down the road you may have that desire. I felt the same way as you and i changed my mind as i got older. Especially when i wanted to start a family. I wanted to know why she gave me up, because there would be no way i could give up a baby. So don't feel bad, don't think you are wierd. Just keep on going and if you finally do decide to look for your b-mom, it will be on your terms.

Jessicka S

For some reason americans like to "connect"! They feel as though they are not whole unless they know their biological family! If your happy and feel that you have all you need... then no its not weird!

ardw7

no not weird at all you are lucky and so are your parents! blessings to you always happiness to you. I think adopted children are special! adoption should mean choosen to love.

Animallover

No I don't think that is weird at all. If you have always been happy with the life that you have had, then of coarse, why would you want to upset the band wagon? I mean to have been given to parents who couldn't wait to get their hands on you, then I wouldn't be in any real hurry to start changing your life. (I'm not saying that your birth mum didn't love you, more than likely that is why you were given up, because she loved you so very much, and wanted to give you the life that she probably couldn't give you.)

hyork410

not wierd at all. I think it great your parents have done an awesome job raising you. You sound like your well put together.

jon_mac_usa_007

Nope, not weird. If you are happy, just enjoy your family and friends.

LisaHW

No. Its not at all weird. Its nice and probably the way it should be.

I have one grown son who was adopted from infancy, and I have two biological children. I can tell you there's no difference in my relationships with any of my three kids. My son had no particular interest in looking up the biological family (although he was contacted and invited to meet his biological mother). I have a brother-in-law who was adopted, and he is adament that the parents who raised him were his only parents.

One day you may get curious (although my brother-in-law is well into middle-age and never got curious). Some people do, though - and that's fine too. However you feel as an adopted individual is your prerogative and business.

Its normal that you love your parents and they love you.

I have a story that I like to tell some people: When I was expecting my third child I was trying to sleep on the couch one night. My little son was three, and he was curled up with me. My first son (the adopted one) was eight, so he was down the other end of the couch. My unborn daughter was kicking like crazy, and my little restless three-year-old was kicking around in his sleep as well. Then my increasingly leggy eight-year-old began to stretch his legs in his sleep, so I was getting kicked by him as well.

I couldn't sleep because I was getting kicked from all directions! There was, however, something so memorable in having that restless night on the couch with all three of "babies" there with me. There was just something great about it, and there was something symbolic about having all three of them with me - so close - and doing the same thing.

It was one of the happiest sleepless nights of my life.

I've always respected that my son is the one who is adopted and has the right to know what he wants to know about his biological roots; but as an adoptive mother who knows how I feel about my son, I think the way you feel is about as natural and right as anything can be.

(The ABC news-woman, Cynthia McFadden, has also said she has never had interest in finding her biological mother. Many, many, adopted people feel as you do.)

sparkles

No and when you are ready to forgive your birth mom for doing it. It may be two months or never. There are other things to worry about.

lillilou

Its not weird. I think you have a great perspective since you are living in the present and living your life

not weird at all. you are loyal to your adoptive parents. It is your decision and yours only. It would be the same if you wanted to meet her. Not weird either. What about the donor guy?

luvlife1

This is not weird at all! And don't let anyone tell you it is! You seem very happy with your life so good for you! You have your mom right there with you, she raised you and you love each other, that's all that matters.

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