Why does it seem easier emotionally for a first-father to relinquish? ?

Serenity71

I agree -You do rarely hear much about it.

I have just bought a book called "Ever after" by Gary Coles.

The book is about first fathers and the impact adoption has on them. Its really the only one I've seen around. I haven't started reading it yet. I know it was the hardest on my kid birth father, and it still is hard for him. I see it in his face every time we see him. Thats the hardest part about face to face visits. Seeing the pain and I can do nothing for him really. (Thats why I picked up the book.)

Not Adopted

They don't have the mother/child bond that forms in the womb. Makes it easier for some to disconnect.

However, there has been some (very limited) research that indicates many fathers also have long-term problems related to the relinquishment. This area needs to be researched more fully.

But considering a lot of people refuse to even acknowledge the mother's pain and difficulty in relinquishing, don't expect much too focus on the fathers at this point in time.

snowwillow20

It was not easy for my boyfriend to relinquish our daughter and it screwed him up as bad as it did me. They just don't show their emotions as easy as women do. My boyfriend drank his problems away and i cried mine away. We've been married for 35 years and he still drinks and I still cry occasionally.

tish_part deux

superficially---he's not physically pregnant.

more deeply-- most ffathers are young and are whipped so badly by the incessant banter of

"this baby will end your dreams of going to college",
"how do you know it's yours?"
"you will have to pay 19 gazillion dollars a month in child support or we'll have your as$ thrown in 'san quentin' to become bubba's b! tch"
"you CAN'T properly care for them...and if you were a REAL man, you'd let some other dude--with more money--be the daddy"
"she can just lie and say the baby isn't yours"

ETA: logged off too soon, but others mentioned it---many have no clue nor even see the paperwork.

honestly, many young men are left with few choices.

Flying Monkey #073177

None of that pesky in utero bonding to get in the way? .

I think they feel it, they just mask the emotion and put their brave faces on.

Diego is Smiling!!

i dont believe that is true

i dont think my boyfriend could just give up our son...if anything he would fight to have custody

Linny G

I agree with Maybe. We are just NOW hearing of the emotional issues to first moms who relinquished their children. Do you think they're going to publicize that fathers ALSO have a problem with it? Doubtful. More and more info regarding the psychological damage relinquishment has caused to the n parents and adoptees comes to light each year.

Look at how many case we see where the father finds out the n mom gave the child away without letting him know she was even pregnant, then takes the a p's to court to get his child back because the adoption was done without his knowledge? Its a sin. In most states, they put a tiny one line classified in a paper to "find him" and it almost NEVER works, meaning no one ever sees the ad.

Some fathers may not seem overly emotional at first, especially if he is very young. He may be told by his parents its the best thing for him, that he will "forget"...and then years later, it hits him.

Sophie

Because they're not the ones carrying the baby through pregnancy.

hesitant_smile

relinquish what?

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