Why is adoption so expensive?

My fiance and I have always wanted to have two children naturally, and adopt two. We would like to adopt from India. And we don't really want infants. We'd actually prefer to adopt two toddlers (maybe even siblings) from about 2-4 years old.
I always knew that adoption would be costly, but just recently I saw some figures on the web that said it could easily cost up to 35,000 for international adoption! That doesn't include the traveling fees.
Also, the adoption process can take months if not years, and you have to be willing to put up with often unreliable sources in the foreign country that can lose your paperwork and whatnot.

Does anyone out there know from experience or of a website I could go to that can show me how to go about the process, what the fees actually go towards, and (hopefully) if there is a more reliable and less expensive way to go about it?

Oh and my fiance and I are currently in college, and will be making a combined income of about $130-150 once we've got our degrees. So we Could technically afford the ridiculously expensive adoption fees I've read about, but we'd much rather find a less expensive way and use the money we'd save to put toward our childen's futures!
Additional Details
Chances are (although neither myself or my fiance have ever attempted to our had any children....) that we'll be able to have children just fine. But I have a health issue that while not life-threatening, will mean that I might have a difficult time carrying a pregnancy to term. This is a big reason why we have always planned on adopting.
I really don't like the idea of going the route of finding a pregnant woman, paying all of her living costs and everything, and then hoping that she'll still give us the baby.
I also don't really like the idea of just fostering a child with the hopes that him/her birth family won't come back for him/her.
I know it may not be realistic, but I really hoped that there would be an inexpensive and simpler way for us to adopt.
Just, here's some children/toddlers without homes. And we can give them a great home.

bash

Adoption can be free or nearly free....if you choose to only adopt internationally, you are required to pay thousands of dollars.....if you choose to adopt through foster care, you generally aren't charged anything. You MAY be required to pay for the adoption lawyer, but that is only in some states and only amounts to between $800-$2,000 total cost.

Mei-Ling

I'm not here to discourage you from adopting. Really, I'm not. But I kindly suggest that you do a bit more research from the POV of some transracial adult adoptees - from BOTH ones that feel a loss and from those that don't. Just so you're aware of both ends of the spectrum.

But I believe Devon nailed it all.

"Knowing about the culture, and being able to cook the food and speak the language is a start, but adopted Indian children would still be away from their own culture."

Exactly. You hit the nail on the head.

I applaud you for having the right heart to do this - to want to give a child a home, because that is really what adoption should be about. But no matter how much culture you give your adopted child, it will never be the same as if they had grown up with parents who MIGHT have been able to raise them. Yes, even those children who come from rural areas. They are better off being adopted than starving to death in orphanages, but they shouldn't have even ended UP in the orphanages to begin with.

I fully respect that you intend to incorporate the child's culture into your lifestyle, as many APs should attempt to do as much as possible without going into culture overload.

I have many people who have told me, "Learn the language instead of complaining about it! Immerse yourself with the people!"

Well, that's wonderful to suggest, and I already figured that out a year ago. The problem is that there is still and likely always will be a cultural gap. And it's much easier for NON minority parents to say those things than if THEY were the persons of colour.

I'm not saying you can't learn the language. I'm not saying you can't incorporate the culture or cook the food. But you aren't going to "be" your child. For example, if your child is Asian and you are white, you are WHITE. They are ASIAN. You cannot step into their shoes and just tell them "Well study the language." You can sympathize but not empathize: you are not them.

http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/2008/12/31/white-privilege/

http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/2009/01/07/reality/

http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/2008/10/12/pretending-does-not-change-things/

sizesmith

Adoption isn't expensive, except in the lives of everyone involved.

Agencies are expensive.

Our son's adoption, as a newborn, including home study, was less than $1000.00 in dollars costs.

It used to be that if a woman decided (and this has nothing to do with the baby stealing era, etc-I'm just giving an example), she was able to be connected to someone either through a friend, or even ads that people placed, and the couples were able to directly deal with a mother. Now, there's so many middle men, it's nearly impossible for all but the richest, and that doesn't necessarily mean the best, adoptive parent to adopt.

cantstopLinnyG

You should consider foster care. There are older sibling groups, too. Adopting internationally can be very damaging to a child.

http://www.youtube.com/user/adoptedthemovie

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/01/09/AR2009010903118.html

http://www.emediawire.com/releases/2004/4/emw117838.htm

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=12185524

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27859660

http://www.foreignpolicy.com/story/cms.php?story_id=4508&page=0

***ETA****
Just because you make a mean tandoori chicken will never replace a child's country.
As far as you shelling out money for bills only to have a mother decide to parent?? Sorry, but that's whats wrong with the system. Have your own, or adopt from foster care. That way, no one gets screwed, ESPECIALLY not the child.

Oh and Kate/Ktea/KatieJane/whoever you are this week-
so now you're "pro-adoption?" You seem to change your thought process more than Joan Rivers changes plastic surgeons. Thanks for blocking me...glad I could help you when you were down.

Opedial

It does seem as though you are ordering off of a menu though.

Why not adopt a child already in the foster care system WAITING for a family.

As for adopting from India, I am pretty sure they only like to adopt to people who are East Indian, so as to ensure cultural preservation.

As for your question why is it so expensive? Adoption, especially overseas adoption is currently very popular and as more people want to do it, the more the fees increase. And the more money their is to be made, the more chances people will traffic children, stealing them from homes where they are already loved, having their mom's pressured to "give them up" etc. etc. etc.

By continually participating in this, people provide opportunities for this child trafficking. I realize there are places it is needed, so find THOSE Places and adopt a child truly in NEED!

MamaKate

Dear Valentina,

Plain and simple, international/infant adoption is expensive because agencies and facilitators want to make fat profits. Adoption through state foster care programs is actually at a very nominal cost (and is sometimes free!) which covers the paperwork and court costs.

I urge you and your fiance to research adoption thoroughly and take some time to think about things from the view point of your potential children before you worry so much about the financing of an adoption.

Adoption is a very complicated thing and is not something that should be entered into without a great deal of forethought and preparation. Adoption is a LIFELONG process - especially for the child and is not the same as raising a biological child.

For instance, have you thought about what it would be like to be living in one country, speaking your native language, surrounded by familiar culture, food, music, etc. and then when you are 3 years-old, you are picked up by strangers and taken away from your whole world, expected to learn a new language, call people you do not know "mom" and "dad", perhaps never taste your favorite food again, etc? What if this new Mom & Dad change your name? What if they can't understand you when you speak? What if you look vastly differently than your parents and siblings and people are always asking questions about your adoption?

Adoption should be about the child more than anyone else. The child's needs, rights, feelings, etc. need to be protected, thought of, planned for, etc. and not just while they are children, but how you plan to help them deal with their adoptions as ADULTS. Do you and you fiance plan to help you adopted children visit their homeland if they wish as they grow up? What about searching for biological family? Will you be prepared for possible separation issues? What about possible identity issues? What about the feelings of your adopted children about your biological children?

I am NOT trying to discourage you from adopting. I just want to help you prepare for what adoption REALLY is and for being the best possible adoptive parent to your potential child(ren). Please stick around here, read up on some adoption books and blogs by adult adoptees. Ask lots of questions. there is no such thing as too much preparation when it comes to adoption. You may find that there are other adoption options that are more suitable for your family, that adoption isn't really for you or you still wish to follow through with your plans but in a different way.

I wish you luck and hope that you will continue to learn about adoption, whether or not you actually adopt. It is a very misunderstood subject and it never hurts to learn!

Peace.

ETA: Wow. Sounds like you have it all figured out then....you didn't mention that you were an expert. Glad to know you take concern for children to heart.

ETA2: Just so you know, there are children in foster care WAITING to be adopted whose parents have already had their rights terminated. (Seemed like you weren't aware of that.)

Heather B

Try Ethica or InformedAdoptions, for good websites on ethical adoption.

It's so expensive because it's a multi-million $ business where children are the commodity. And because people pay up to get the 'goods' they demand.

When practiced as a social service for children (as it ought to be!) finding homes for children who need them, it is not expensive at all. There are approx 140,000 children in the US system who need and deserve homes so my sympathy is for them and not for people who whine about having to go on waiting lists for what they feel they are entitled to then follow it up by whining about the cost of coveting a baby for themselves.

DevonChaos

Unless you want to pay through the nose and support what just might be a corrupt adoption agency, I would seriously consider domestic foster care. They have many sibling groups, and with you being accepting of older children, this might help move things along faster. PLUS... its very inexpensive compared to the international adoptions you are speaking of.

Knowing about the culture, and being able to cook the food and speak the language is a start, but adopted Indian children would still be away from their own culture. You cannot fully give them the culture that they would and should have in their own country.

icehockeymom7

International adoption can be expensive, for sure, but it doesn't always have to be extremely expensive. India does not have terribly high fees for adoption, and because you are hoping to adopt older children, usually the sending country lowers the adoption fees because older children are unfortunately harder to place. And also remember that you will have a $12,000 adoption tax credit for EACH adoption completed in that tax year, so if you are adopting two children, you will have a $24,000 tax credit and it can carryover for 5 years. That really does help with paying down any loans or expenses you have incurred in the process. The only route to adoption that is truly inexpensive is U.S. foster care, so you could look into that also, if you can handle the risks involved. Good luck!

Kate

As I am pro-adoption, and think anyone who considers adoption wonderful. I also am happy to know that you will allow the child in the future if they wanted to, to go back and find their roots, etc.

Generally though, international adoption is expensive, there really is no way out of it.

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