Why is it that so many in this section? ?

sunny

I think it's because we're EXPECTED to disagree about religion and politics. We have, since the beginning of time!

However, for a very LONG time, there has only been one opinion about adoption allowed.

Adoption: good for all parties
Birthmothers: bad girls who don't deserve respect
Adoptive parents: good people to take in orphans
Adoptees: ought to be grateful

Oops, system failure! The formerly powerless parties are finding their voices and speaking out, and it doesn't match with society's preconceived notions.

Mei-Ling

Because no one really wants to believe the adoption industry has become corrupt.

Also, adoption is often portrayed as a win-win-win, which just isn't true in many cases.

Linny G

I have probably only been to one or two other sections of YA, and have noticed it can be pretty brutal in those sections, too. Im not entirely convinced people dont report sensitive questions in other topics. I dont get that, though. Seems pretty juvenile.

It does bother me when the attacks get personal, but in my opinion, some questions dig so deep into fresh battle scars, it is not surprising, or uncalled for, when a response gets ugly.

I am guilty of it. It doesnt make me proud, it makes me honest. There are at least 2 questions a day that attack adoptees personally. It's unbelievable to me that people do this, especially when the questioner is a pap. They just want to hear the good, and dismiss adoptees who have gotten in touch with their pain.

I for one, want the truth. Someone's truth may be entirely different than mine, but I want to hear it...and even if I dont agree with it, I take something away from reading it.

Not having all sides/feelings represented is no good. Just when I think Ill pull my hair out when I see another "why do you hate adoption?" or "why are you ungrateful?" question, I will try to answer without getting "testy", because I hope someone new will read my response and FINALLY realize that you can be anti-unethical adoption & hate the system & NOT be anti-adoption, or that I can love BOTH my families without being "ungrateful". It's love!!! What is so wrong with that????

yeahright

What I am saying below is NOT directed at the thoughtful posters who disagree with me about adoption. I respect many--frankly most--of the posters on here. There a couple who I do think need to look at their motives and the place of pain and come to terms with who they are really mad at.

Disagree? Fine by me. Educate me, fine. Swear at me, call me names and accuse me of a crime? That is my value system and I have the right to point it out politely that I just filed you in the category I feel you belong: the one I ignore. Many of the categories out here are fluffy--this one isn't. After all, to your point, we aren't dealing with cats but living breathing children, right?

Anyone can disagree--and I love it when someone makes a well thought out point and speaks from an honest place. Mei-ling is a prime example of that. I learn from that. It is the senseless inflamatory comments in the name of a thinly coated title of education and reform that I ignore--and I can, so what? But I also realize I am a public board so all sorts of statement get made. If I didn't get value, I wouldn't be here.

I've seen scared pregnant teenagers come on here with tentative questions and some of these adults say things that are incredibly graphic and inappropriate. If there point is to help point out the ways to help herself, all they did was scare them about their resources at the DSS and every other place she COULD turn to to help keep her child. Do you think they posted the question because they have a a lot of support around them and your answer genuinely helped them? What if it was your daughter or little sister who was trying to throw out a lifeline?

My issue comes from being called a baby stealer--something that is against the law. It is assumed I paid money to buy a child, something also against the law, for a "womb fresh white child" (untrue) that I personally stole from a mother who of course to some here was not capable of making that choice (which to this day, I still think she was fully capable of keeping her child--and to this day she insists she just didn't want to). Oh, yeah, and some how I did all of this because I had to be infertile and I have a lot of money. These are all things that have been stated as fact about the category that I happen to belong to--an AP. I have been swore at and sent a crazy hate email from someone who I hope gets mental help--because they are not quite right in the head to send it. I've seen full grown adults send questions directed at each other that would put playground kids to shame.

It is stated as fact that an adopted child will grow up to hate their parents and if they don't, there is something wrong with them too.

And I happen to agree that everyone who can should keep their kids! But that isn't up to me, and I won't make assumptions about the choices they make either way.

Nahira

My only complaint is the bashing. If I didnt want people's opinions, I would not be here. People cant seem to walk the line between stating their feelings and crushing others for stating theirs. You may hate a law or a policy or 100 laws and 900 policies, but its not the same as calling other users dirty names, etc. If one is mature enough to get on here, they should be mature enough to follow site guidelines.

There may or may not be similar issues in other areas, but I dont frequent them, so I cant say.

Flying Monkey #073177

I really feel that is it due to the intense emotions involved on all sides. When you want/need to be a parent having someone crush your idyllic fantasies must be a huge blow. Look at who does the most complaining about how unfair this section is and I think the reason/answer is very clear.

The brain

Because this place is filled mostly with women; with raging hormones and high intellect.

But you are true about R&S; which is way worse than this nutty place.

kateiskate

Well I think a couple things about that....

1. A lot of people might have too low of an IQ to understand sarcasm when they read it...

2. Um, if your adoption was so AWESOME, why are you on an adoption forum instead of riding your pony?

3. Also, there's no way your adoption could have been that good if your APs didn't teach you empathy, compassion, and you know, scruples to not harrass people who are dealing with what is a clearly painful and difficult topic.

4. If you don't like it...leave! Don't let the door hit you where the lord split you....

RPMR

To me is not the fact that we disagree here! IT IS THE ASSUMPTIONS, THE RUDENESS, AND LACK OF RESPECT SOMETIMES. There are "ways" and "ways" of telling a color blind person that something is yellow and not green! And OMG! People here seem to assume a lot. Because I have bio and adoptive children I "cannot possibly love them the same." That is what gets me really sick in the adoption section.

Gina

I think I've asked one or two questions here and people have been pretty nice about it, but I've certainly seen the nastiness over an innocent question...and I've seen 18 thumbs-down for perfectly reasonable answers....I agree that all children deserve love, respect and devotion, and I also feel that every child deserves a shot a good life, even if that life isn't exactly what they want. I plan to adopt and I know I can't make it all better, I know I can't replace their real parents, but they're gonna be my family regardless, and I know that there are people out there who are going to give me a million thumbs-down for saying that I and I don't pretend to know why....other than some people just want to complain about something!

And I really think that it's just that....people just want to complain.

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