Will it be easy for the father of my baby to stop the adoption of our daughter in the state of CA?

julie j

Hi FirstTimeMommy,

I will tell you the truth about everything you asked. You really will not be able to know until at least after the birth of your child how you will feel about being a parent. Especially since this is your first pregnancy.

As to your adoption question, adoption can only legally occur if both parents sign relinquishment papers terminating their parental rights or if a court involuntarily terminates a parent's rights. That can only happen after going to court. You can only relinquish your own rights to parent your child. You may not relinquish the father's rights & he may not relinquish yours. If the child would be physically in danger then that is up to the state to make that determination & terminate his parental rights if they find reason to do so. If that happens, then yes, the other parent will always have first rights to raise their child before adoption can be considered.

Too many men walk away from their responsibilities to their children. It's a good thing when men want to step up to their parental responsibilites. More should be encouraged to do so. I get that you & he do not have a good relationship anymore. That does not necessarily mean that he could not have a good relationship with his child. Every father deserves a chance. Furthermore, despite how you may feel about him, your child has a right to a relationship with both of her parents. I do not think you should try to prevent this child from ever knowing him. First, she has a right to know her father & his family. She will resent you for that later if you try to prevent it.

Please do not think that adoption will solve all the problems. Adoption typically creates far more problems for the child than not being adopted. Adoption is no guarantee of a better family. Only a different one. Prematching with PAPs is not a good idea. For starters, you do realize that someone will be profiting about $30-40,000 off of your baby, right?

Are you considering adoption as a way to get back at your ex? If so, that is not the right reason. The child will most likely be the biggest victim here. If you decide to parent your child, then your ex will legally be responsible for contributing to child support. You say you love her. Babies do not have to be expensive. The best gift to give your baby is the love of her parents. There is all sorts of financial help available for parents who want to raise their children and need help doing so. Please look into those.

To sum it up, this child is equally yours & his. Running away and hiding the child are not good solutions. Adoption is not a good solution unless you both agree to it & have no other alternatives to parenting your child. Remember, help is available. Have you considered joint custody of the child? I wish all of you luck & hope you do the right thing for your child.

julie j
reunited adoptee

EDIT to add: Beware of baby trollers on the internet emailing you to try to get your baby!

Heather B

A father has as many rights to a child as the mother does unless either one is proven to be unfit

Take care of yourself and I hope things are worked out amicably between the extended families

PhilM

If you are really concerned about what is best for your child, you would find a way to raise her yourself.

As for the father, he has rights, too. You will need to prove he's abusive before you abandon his child without his permission.

YA Sucks

It will not be 'easy' for him... but he can make it not too 'easy' for you either. If the father doesn't voluntarily relinquish his parental rights you can still do so. The agency would then initiate proceedings with the court to terminate his rights involuntarily if he is, in fact, a person of the moral character you describe. Before they would ever consider him for custody of the child, they would run a criminal history check and verify his residence. If they had any reason to suspect he couldn't handle parenthood, they would most likely not give the child to him.

Some issues vary, whether you want to relinquish to a private adoption agency or your local county (family services, etc) agency. But just because he's the father, the child will still be protected.

I would urge you not to do this to him out of spite. It's not fair to the child.

Crucio

He would have to sign his rights away otherwise the adoption could not be done or if it was done it would be illegal. First he would have to proof he is a fit father from your description he does not seem like he would be the best place for this baby. That said the courts would likely give him a chance to clean up his act. If you have any proof or documentation of this mans violent behavior, witnesses, get it because it could help you in court. Get the domestic charges filed ASAP. If he has ever threaten you via a letter or email, save it. Any bruise he has caused documented that and take pictures if you can of them.

An abusive person whether it is physical or emotional should not have any child; someone who is this way is more likely to be abusive to others. No one wants their child raised by some drunk. Its understandable you wouldnâ€™t want this man to have custody or be in your childâ€™s life. I wish you luck. If it comes down to it you might have to keep the baby for her safety move somewhere where this man would have little contact with the child.

Physical abusing a pregnant woman is unacceptable and this man should be in prison.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

unfortunately, he has to sign off.

GEE-GEE

I don't think he would win even if he tried. With his abusive behavior and police reports to prove it, I don't think a judge would let him have sole custody.

Pilgrim Pam

I can speak from personal experience, as I have adopted a child in CA. If you list the father as unknown, I must tell you that they will have to write up a rather demeaning article in the paper asking if anyone thinks they could have fathered your child. This does include your name. So, if he comes forward, then yes he does have rights. It would be up to the courts to decide if he is fit to be a father or not. It can be a very grueling process and my heart goes out to you.

LaraSue

If you are working with a lawyer or an agency, they can advise you of whatever legal steps need to be taken to terminate his parental rights. It can be difficult for him to try and stop the adoption or gain custody. A lot of men will yell and scream about their rights but when push comes to shove, and the reality of raising a child hits them they fade into the woodwork. I would say to work with your adoption worker or social worker, and then do whatever you feel is necessary to protect you and your child.
ETA: No matter what anyone says, he does NOT necessarily have to "sign off." on the adoption. His rights can be terminated by the court. Again, my best advice is to follow the legal advice of your agency or lawyer.

YCART

OMG, you bore thing, you know this will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life, but i tell you what some very lucky family will get to raise you beauthiful baby as if it was a gift from god, it takes a lot of strenght to do what you are doing, but i just hope from here on you have some better luck.
i really hope that the dad dosen't get a say at all but i not 100% on that i would say that you need to get legal advice and also hopefully you went to the police when he choked you and filed a report and took some photos of the incident. if he has a DUI i would say it would go against him trying to get custody. they are not going to just let anyone adopt this baby, also make sure when you give birth, that you say to the hospital that if anyone named ................. is not aloud to visit you no matter what. so that will stop him from coming in to the hospital and seeing the baby. i really hope i helped a little good luck, i don't pray but i will for you. keep you head high..
also i really hope that you have some support at home cause you will need it

Fluffy Cherylâ™¥

you need proper legal advice on this .Sadly though he does have a chance at stopping the adoption.Get legal advice and do it soon. your baby could be born at any time you need to make sure her future is safe before she is born

styler

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