Will my daughter know me as a mother? She was adopted when she was 1 day old.?

realmom lese

After 18 years, my daughter that I lost to adoption called me on the phone. My voice was very familiar to her. It was so primal and so intense for her to hear it and to instantly KNOW it, she actually fainted the first time she heard it. She RECONGNIZED the voice she knew from inutero. From the few moments I had with her at birth. She KNEW this voice from way back. And with it brought other emotions.

All this activity on my answering machine and I didn't know what was going on! She finally got my living voice and our reunion was set in motion after this very emotional call.

Our 10+ yr. reunion has not been a walk in the park. It was/is very difficult. I think we were able to master it, and continue to do so because my daughter knew me as a mother deep inside of her, and our bond was strong enough at the time of her birth to carry her back to me again. My daughter though, had to work through a lot of anger. I think that she was able to do so because she said that she always knew that I loved her, from day one. She felt it deep inside, primal. That is what carried her.

She said she never felt this way about her natural father, that she automatically knew that he did not "love" her. She told me this before she found out that she was conceived in rape. She eventually approached him and found that he was exactly as she always knew. Loveless.

Your daughter knows you deep in her heart. Adoption will not erase this primal bond that she has with you. It will muddy the waters, and make things harder than they should be. I know it is difficult, but try to keep the faith, and believe that your daughter will feel the love you send her everyday. Write it down in journals so she can one day see how deeply it has run through the years. She probably will already know it deep inside, but just in case, you can show her.

Philippa

I am assuming you're her natural mother so will answer on that basis.

If it is an open adoption then she should know but if it's closed then she will know you are 'out there' somewhere provided her adoptive parents have been honest.

If you're her adoptive parent then of course she knows you as her mother.

My son's adoption was closed but he always knew he was adopted. We eventually reunited when he was 23 years old and he calls me mum. His adoptive parents have always referred to me as his mother, other mother or natural mother as that's exactly how they view me.

Heather B

I think it depends on the adoptive parents' views. Some out there can be very possessive and insist they are the ONLY parents, which is unrealistic.

My adoptive parents always referred to my Mom as my 'real mother' I finally found her last year and she is my Momma.

BLW_KAM

I see from your other question you're Emma's natural mom. The answer to this question depends on how her adoptive parents (APs) explain her story to her. If they are honest about it, then yes she will know you as a mother, but there will be differences in how she views her two moms. You will always be her natural mother, but her A-mom will be her nurturing every day mom.

PS You may want to repost your other question in the adoption section. There are many knowledgeable people here.

Lori A

i see things differently than some here. My daughter knows me as her mother, but not as her mom.

Ranchmom1

Hi Celia, my parents adopted me when I was 5 weeks old. I had no conscious memory of my birthmom, however, I did learn something interesting when I met her when I was 27 years old. My very favorite name when I was a little girl was Susan. I named my most special doll Susan. Guess what my birthmom's name is? Yep, Susan. : )

It could have been coincidence, but maybe some part of my brain remembered hearing that name while I was in the womb.

Sarah

If the adoptive parents are honest with her about her roots, then she may feel some kind of connection.
I hope that they are decent enough to at least give her some insight and truth in where she came from.
I wish you well x

monkeykitty83

Whether she will know you as her mother while she is growing up really depends on her adoptive parents. She'll almost certainly know you exist, and that you gave birth to her, but what sort of connection she perceives with that really depends on how she is raised and how adoption was explained to her.

Whether she has a mother/daughter relationship with you once she becomes an adult, if you reunite, really depends on the personalities involved and the situation. You may not be instantly able to pick up where you left off as if 18+ years haven't happened, since she would no longer be a child, and you wouldn't be taking care of her physical needs. An adult doesn't need to be parented in the same way, and that can lead to a very different mother/daughter dynamic than if you had raised her.

That said, there is no "standard" mother/daughter relationship. That relationship dynamic is always how the people involved define it, even with raised children. You gave birth to her, so you are her mother. Not her only mother-- she will love her adoptive mother too-- but you are a mother to her. She will know that, however she chooses to perceive it. You have every reason to expect a good future relationship with your daughter.

paralegalbunny

If you are looking from the biological standpoint.
Probably not. It just depends on the type of adoption, was it open or closed?? I let my daughter be adopted by a lady from my church when she was 2 months old. I was young (16) and had a hard time taking care of her and my other child. Our adoption was open, so all the court records are open and she could always go look me up when she gets older. She is six now and I get to talk to her a couple times a month and send her gifts. She knows that she was adopted and she calls me by my first name and her adopted mother mom. I am fine with that. I do not look at myself as her mother. It is easier that way. I still love her, I just cannot agonize over because I KNOW she is where she was meant to be.
.
If you are the parent that adopted her, then of course she will look at you as her mother, she had the bond with you.

Either way, if you ever need to talk to someone email me at paralegalbunny@aol.com

Andrea

of course not shes just an infant.as long as u care for as u would ur own child then they will know that ur her mother and thats the most important thing...and no i wasnt adopted but my mom died when i was 6 months so i know who my mom is(by like her name)..i got to her grave all the time..but thats beside the point...my family told me about my mother.so if u dont want ur daughter to kno thats ur really not her mother then i would not let n e body tell her that ur not her mom..but god bless you

Cindy D

If you're her biomom, she won't know you unless she is told. If she is YOUR adopted baby, of course she'll know, but it may take a few days. She knows who takes care of her.

Real Moms Raise Their Children

No, she will not know you as a 'mother'. You did not raise her.

Softball Star<3

t depends what kind of adoption it was. If it is a closed adoption and you do not see her, she wont think of you as a mother because she wont know you. A mother is the person who takes care of them as they grow up and that wont be you. If you do get to see her, it will be strange but it depends on the situation.

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