Will the younger adoptees of today feel differently.?

England Auden

Hello. =]

I was adopted in 1995 (lived with my APs since 1991 aka birth ;]). So I can't speak for how the adult adoptees feel, but I can say I'm pretty happy with my life.

To 'maybe' who said that parents need to stop feeding their kids these 'lines'

"-adopted children are the same as bio children
-your mother loved you so much she had to give your away
-be grateful you're alive and that we took care of you
-we're your "real" and "only" parents"

Let me go through them.

Adopted children being the same as bio children.. My parents bio kids are way, WAY older than I am, but I've never been treated differently to them and I've never felt different to them any further than I feel different to any other human being because I AM different to any other human being.

Birth mother loving me being the reason she gave me away. I believe this. Sorry if you think it's just a 'line' but I think it's the truth. Nobody knew I was going to be born - as far as anyone's aware there's no pre-natal record of me. My BM could have easily thrown me into a dumpster and left me to die right after I was born, instead, she CHOSE to leave me within tripping distance of medical personel. And that (obviously) was the saving of me. If she didn't give a rats **** and just wanted me out of the way without any possibility of anyone trying to find out who my bio parents were when i turned up at a hospital in a box why would she put herself through potentially being found out for my benefit?

Also - isn't being grateful to be alive and looked after just common sense? How many sick, starving kids are there in developing countries? How many sick, starving kids are there in DEVELOPED countries. I am damn lucky not to be one of them and I will never stop being grateful to my parents for being THE reason I am not. They chose to treat me well and I choose to respect them in return.

Finally - my adoptive parents are not my only parents, but they are my REAL parents. As in, they're the ones who were there for me when I broke bones in fights or when I won a rugby game, they're the ones who made sure i got a good education, they're the ones who gave me moral standards and they're the ones who stuck by me through every health problem or social crisis or teenage rebellion.. They didn't give up on me. If that doesn't qualify them as REAL parents I don't know what does.

monkeykitty83

I think they will in the sense that since open adoption seems to have become the norm, they'll have fewer unanswered questions. If the adoption is kept open, as it should be, they won't have to wonder who and where they came from, and they won't have to "search" in the same way older adoptees have. If they have actual visits with their biological family, they'll even have opportunities for genetic mirroring. I think all of this will be very beneficial.

I don't think that means everything will be perfect, though, even if none of the parties close the adoption and there's total openness. It won't just solve all problems of identity for adoptees. It may not always be the most comfortable and easy arrangement sometimes, trying to juggle the needs and emotions of two families. Even so, I do think it beats secrecy.

Heather B

Yes I think so but we'll have to wait and see (and listen) to what they have to say.

I'm looking forward to it and being there for them, together with the 'donor' children who will most definitely have something to say about the manipulation of their lives!

And Kristy - way to go insulting my adoptive parents, who happen to be good and decent people. Talk about a superiority complex, nice one.

Serenity71

We are more educated these days...

I have asked myself that question too at times. People still at times judge us on what happened in the past. But that's not a new thing, people often do that in other area's too. We do need to know what happened to progress and change for the better.

It won't be perfect and roses for everyone. Peoples emotions are involved and each person will handle their past in their own way.

More Aparents WANT their children to know about the Bparents and their history. Not hide it away. (Some of my friends are very disappointed the Bmother /Bfather wants no contact or give information about herself or reasons, they hope she changes her mind in the future.)

There is new reform going through even now for more open records like original birth certs to be available at younger than 18yrs. (The amended ones are the legal birth certs, they actually can't use the original for identification. Not here anyway.) Other states are being pressured big time to open up adoptions more and have third party registers for contact.

I have every piece of paper relating to my child's adoption. At the right times in her life I'll bring it out and we'll talk about it, or she can read through it and ask questions.

I want her to learn to ask about family history both adopted and Bio etc the way any other kid can. A natural thing to do like I did as a kid. You know "mum how is aunty so and so related to me?" And we answer it or say her Bmum can answer that one better than us, lets call and ask....Her Bmum/Bdad can answer somethings too and that helps create a better relationship between them. (That won't happen for every child in every house, because not all situations are the same.)

Anyway I'll get back to ya in 20 years time with how it all goes...

BOTZ

It will be difficult to know the answer to that until they are adults. I am always amused by people who say they know a "perfectly happy adoptee" and then go on the say the person they know is 12, or 8, or...funniest yet...3! OF COURSE they seem happy at that age...so did I. They are surviving. They are doing everything they can think of to prevent losing these "loving parents" (albeit strangers) who have taken them in because they have already lost one family.

Now, do some go on to *stay* happy for their entire lives? Yes, of course SOME do. There are some adult adoptees who post here regularly that are happy and have never felt otherwise, according to them. Not all agree, but I believe them. There are some happy adult adoptees. I can even imagine that I *might* have been happy (or, at least, happier) if I'd been adopted by other parents than mine. Knowing myself, I would not be "over the moon" to be adopted by anyone. I could have only had true, genuine, unfettered, un-screwed-up JOY if I had stayed with my OWN mother -- please note that I said "could have" not "would have"...I don't know for sure but I know that would have been the only POSSIBILITY for me.

As to the 'new generation' of adoptlings...hard to say. I can see some advantages such as more open adoptions and less (NOT NONE, but less) coercion, pressure, etc. in today's adoptions. I also think there is a SMALL amount of advantage in that there is less OVERALL societal stigma attached to single parenthood. That might lead some to parent who would not have in the past. That might mean, percentage-wise, more relinquishments today are done by parents who really do choose to do so...who have had other options they really could consider. I think that was FAR FAR less common during the EMS/BSE.

To be sure, coercion still happens. Pressure still exists -- sometimes massive pressure. I believe the stigma is still strong among certain religious groups/organizations/people. Society at large, however, seems to have "come around" to an extent on single parenthood.

These are just my thoughts...like I said, time will be the only way to really know for sure.

Shelly - I know you didn't. I actually wrote my answer before I read yours. I usually do that. Interesting that we hit on so many of the same points.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

i certainly hope so. i really do. being a bse adoptee is like living in prison.

Sophie

As long as the adoptive parents of today are different than the adoptive parents in the BSE.

maybe

This is questionable because too many APs hold the same old attitudes as in the past, and they still want to push the same old lines onto their children:

-adoption as destiny, i.e. God planned for me to adopt you
-blank slate theory
-adopted babies are "chosen," special
-adopted children are the same as bio children
-your mother loved you so much she had to give your away
-your mother didn't want you, that's why she gave you away
-be grateful you're alive and that we took care of you
-we're your "real" and "only" parents

..and so on.

sunny

Well, they're not nearly as polite as we were.

And what about the adoplings who find out about their formerly 'open' adoptions closed by their all-knowing APs.

Heads will roll! Y'all think we're bitter?! HA!

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