Women who have relinquished their child/ren?

Ann E

The media tends to give that impression on people that can sometimes be overwhelming, I have an adopted son and he is 14 months. I have had him since birth, His mother was raped. I would never think of harming this child but only of harming the one who has harmed him,You know what I mean, I love him and I hate if what happen to these children would alter my child's birth mom to rethink her decision.

Penny A (Vanessa)

Mine is grown up and had a great family, and is essentially doing fine. But yes all those years ago I was worried about that type of thing happening. Unfortunately this person in the news slipped under the radar, and it does make me question screening methods used.

magic pointe shoes

It's not the media that has made me second guess relinquishing my son... it's listening to adopted people talk about the loss, about the difficulty of defining self, difficulty of relationship complexities, and everything else that comes with being relinquished and adopted. Of course the adoption facilitator didn't bother informing of such consequences, instead feeding me all the hoke of what wonderful opportunity it was for my son to be raised by others.

I don't think he is abused, but I won't know for sure until we ever meet again. But, that is just another thing to worry about besides the obvious impact being relinquished and adopted will have on his life.

Sophie

I would freak out too. But, you have to remember that the MAJORITY of people are NOT abusive and/or murderers. If you're worried and need piece of mind, is there any way you could check on your children?

becca

Yeah in most cases adoptive children are loved greatly! This is a rare case and most likely she had mental issues that were not picked up in the adoption screening! Its sad what happened but I would not freak out if you have given a child up. This is the reason adoption policies are so hard and stringent! Most likely if you gave a child up they are being lovingly cared for! It will be OK! Good lcuk and put this horrible tragedy out of your mind!

Lori A

Welcome to my world.

I thought the same thing you did, but mine was a long time ago. this is not an isolated incident. After signing my papers the stories started surfacing about the neglect and abuse, that some adoptees face. I lived for 28 years wondering if I made the right decision. If my daughter was all right, if she got a good home. Or if I sent her to the very thing I was trying to protect her from. I wondered for 28 years if my daughter was still alive and it ate me up.

Being told MOST are cared for doesn't help really does it? That one who wasn't could be yours.

I'd like to know how long ago you surrendered your child? Reason being I hear all the time "well I did it and it doesn't bother me" and my reply is always the same, just wait. So I would like to know how long before reality hit you square between the eyes? For me it was about 6 months, maybe a year.

You need to tell people how you feel. Young mothers need to know that this happens, that you don't just go home and forget about it. That not all get the good family and wonderful parents. They need to know what it's going to feel like to live with the fear of what you did for very possibly the rest of your life.

Because you signed those papers you have no right to know if your child is still alive or not. Seems like it's not too much to ask for but it is. If your child dies they have no obligation to tell you, you signed away your rights.

If your child never finds you, you will wonder forever is it because they are mad at you or they are dead. It's not a fun ride.

After my 28 years my daughter found me and informed me of the wonderful life she had at the hands of some really awesome parents. As relieved as I was to hear that, which made me cry uncontrollably for months, it doesn't change what I went through while waiting for the news.

For those who think opened adoption is the solution to this problem, For some that is true. BUT opened adoptions can be closed at any time and for no reason other than the parents who hold the paper work feel it benefits them to do so.

THERE IS NO CURE FOR THIS.

littleJaina

You can never be 100% sure of anyone. However, you can never be 100% sure your child isn't going to be hit by a bus, or killed in a school shooting, or anything like that.

To help you feel more secure, look into the details of this case. This woman adopted these two kids out of DC foster care. Now, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but DC has a severe problem with an overcrowded child welfare system. I'm thinking they just didn't care too much about where they put those kids because they considered them "unwanted" anyway. I mean, no one even checked into why the kids were never enrolled in school!

I am pretty sure that if your daughter was adopted as an infant to parents you approved of, she's safe and sound. Most of the time, that will be the case!

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009

Never thought about it. This kind of thing can happen with biological children as well. If I had kept him, whose to say he wouldn't have ended up that way? I was NOT a good person then and very easily distracted and overwhelmed. I know I made the right decision at that time.

Sly

Yes, I wondered that for decades, but knew that he went to the perfect family and it would all be just peachy. However, my greatest nightmare was realize when we reunited and I found that he was not the cherished and coddled child of perfect parents.

On one of the groups where I belong we have a section on adoptees who are killed and mutilated by their adopters. It is not a short list. Just the Russian adoptees who are listed on Marley Greiner's blog and others are not short lists. there is a substantial percentage of adoptees who are abused, maimed, returned for their money back or otherwise mistreated here in the US, way more than we would choose to believe.

Heather B

This is not an isolated case. It's a gamble and you never know what will be the fate of your children if you let them go.

My babes will always be close to me - adoption made me realize there is nothing in the world that could make me sever the mother/child bond.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

it's too much of a gamble. i could NEVER risk my child being a "little" beaten, or a "little" killed.

no thanks. this is all too common. i don't have time to put all the links up here, but if you google it, you will find it's more common than you might think.

i mean, if it wasn't common for adoptees to be abused, why are there a million and one support groups out there for them???????????

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