Would it be rude to ask this when adopting a child?

Bryelle

I do not think it is rude. If you can not handle a child with mental retardation problems and give them the attention they need then why would you adopt one. Adopt whatever you can handle. I think it is a great thing you are adopting and giving a child in need a home. you are a great person for that.

Motherhood Unhinged Forums

So basically, you want a completely healthy, no disorder, child so you can show off to them? Your post comes across very much like that.
Children with disabilities are still humans and the very fact that you would rather them sit in an institution in a third world country that cannot possibly give them the treatment they need, all because they wont "appreciate" the "fantastic life" you give them is just messed up.
Don't adopt a child, period. It's a very difficult process for everyone involved and no child is going to come from an institution with no problems at all. Adopted children need parents who are devoted to stick by them through all of the hard times.

Erin L

You seem pretty new to adoption. I suggest that if you really research it. I totally agree with you that putting all kinds of restrictions on what child you will accept, like you're placing an order, is very distateful. So, you're off to a good start in wading through adoption ethics. Of course it's wrong to do that, just like your instincts tell you. However, in most types of adoption you can say what special needs you are open to. I think that is reasonable if you are not expecting a perfect child. Also, you have to go into adoption knowing that children cannot come with guarantees. A child may have major needs that don't arise until after adoption. Sometimes major information is even withheld from adoptive parents before adoption. So, you must be prepared to be committed to your child. I kind of fall into the camp that believes that all adopted children are "special needs" children. What I mean by that is that, even if the child has no cognitive, physical, or emotional disabilities, any child who has been adopted has gone through trauma and will have special emotional needs. Any child who is adopted has another set of parents. What this means is that children who are adopted cannot be parented exactly as if they are biological children. Adoptive parenting comes with extra tasks and extra parenting skills are needed. So, to answer your question, yes it is wrong to "special order" a child, but you can make reasonable plans for what severity of needs you can handle, and be prepared that you must be committed to parenting the child who joins your family, no matter what the needs end up being.

cricketlady

I fine it much more rude than asking about eye color or hair color. I think the agency will give you a list of characteristics on which you mark the ones you could not consider. There will be a ck list for you and one for your husband---interestingly when we compared our papers before handing them in we found we both were willing to handle what the other was not willing to handle. In the end we accepted a child with all kinds of characteristics and we found the confidence to deal with all kinds of things.

â™«â™ªBagâ™«â™ª Mummy to â™¥three pooksâ™¥

Cerebral Palsy doesn't have to be that bad.

There is a girl in my daughter's class who has it - she won the egg and spoon race at sports day on Friday!

Please don't rule out every single disorder, their personalities more than make up for the illness.

Hopper

Excuse me! While yes, with racism it's good that you don't want to have any specific requirements in which ever kid you adopt, do not discounts kids who may have a disability. I have cerebral palsy in my legs, am 17 and have around an 80% average in school (I'm Canadian different grading system, but 80 out of 100 is still high I believe) Just because we have to do things differently doesn't mean we can take or receive love or are incapable of being "there" to enjoy it as you say.

The kind of children with severe disabilities you mean I would think are put through more thorough tests since they would need a lot more care then I and many other people with disabilities would, but they still have feelings too, they still know what love is too. Even the deaf-blind triplets on Dr. Phil are aware of things and have emotions, my Mom showed me the story once.

Your idea in itself isn't rude if you feel you couldn't properly care for someone disabled, but making such assumptions of who they are and what they could do and feel is.

Sha!

I don't think its wrong that you want a healthy, normal child. All parents do. But I don't know that it is necessarily good to, up front, say that. You are limiting your options. You should be open to kids with disabilities. But if you don't think you can handle a special needs child, after finding out exactly what their needs are, by no means would it be rude to say you don't think you are capable of raising this child.

Marnie B

I don't think it's rude at all. You have to be completely honest with yourself & your social worker about what you can or can't handle. Most people want to adopt healthy kids without any disabilities. Just make sure you're adopting for the right reasons, like that you want to have a family, not that you want to "rescue" a child.

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