Would you change your adopted childs name?

imputedgrace

We have done name changes of our foster sons when we adopted them. In one case (10 yr old) we just added a name to his original name that he liked, and dropped his birth middle name. The other son (6 yr old) we switched his middle and his first name because all of my other children have Biblical first names, but we still call him by what was his first name. We gave each boy the additional name of Christopher, because that is an eastern European tradition, and our "homegrown" children all have Christopher or a feminine form of Christopher in their names. Now our last foster to adopt son is 16, and we are changing his name completely, with his consent. Why? He has the same name as our 10 year old! LOL

You will be this child's parent. If the child's name is hard to pronounce, you don't want to be tripping over it forever. So perhaps Anastasia could become simply Anna. And if you need the distance emotionally or for safety (another consideration for our 16 year old), then you make the distance. You, of course, will consider the best needs of the child. Remember children are VERY resilient, and very adaptable.

sarah314

My cousin and his wife have adopted 2 Russian boys. In both cases, they gave them a new first name and kept their birth name as a middle name. (Each of the boys was under 2 years old when adopted though.) I thought that was a nice compromise, I guess - the name is still a part of them and shows their heritage. And, of course, many people choose to go by their middle names, so once the boys are old enough to decide for themselves they can certainly use their birth name if they wish!

Marie C

I have three daughters from China. One was adopted as an infant, and the other two were adopted at ages 4 and 10. I gave all three of them American first names, but in each case I retained part of their Chinese name as their middle names.

While we were in China, I had our travel guides explain to the two older ones about their new name. They seemed to have no problem with this. For the first couple of days, I called them by both their American first names and their Chinese middle names. After that, they answered to their American names with no problem.

I think that most children adopted from China and perhaps some other countries are fine with being given an American name. For one thing, the children in school may have difficulty pronouncing an unusual name, which would be uncomfortable for your new child. Also, my oldest daughter (age 10 when adopted, 17 now) tells me that she's happy I re-named her, because she likes her name very much, and she thinks that her Chinese name would not have sounded good with our Italian last name. But she's happy to have her Chinese name as a middle name.

Naming our children is part of the process of claiming them as our very own. I think you should not hesitate to re-name your child if they are coming from another country. But I'd also like to add that my children's Chinese names were given to them by orphanage personnel, not by their birth families. I think that if I adopted a child who had been named by his/her birth mother, I might have hesitated to change that name, because it is the only thing in some cases that the child really possesses that came from his or her birth family.

Kim_T

I have an internationally adopted daughter and did not use any of her Chinese name after I adopted her? My reasons were as follows. 1.) most Chinese that come to the US with Chinese names assign themselves with a Western name. 2.) The Chinese language is very tone driven. If you say the word Ma (the Chinese word for mother) with the wrong tone you could be calling your mom a horse. 3) her name was not given to her by her birth parents it was assigned by orphanage staff but not used in her daily activity. She had a nick name that was not even a derivative of her Chinese name. They called her Little Dumpling Not a good name for a Supreme Court Justice or doctor 4.) It is the right of all parents to name their children.

I have friends who gave their children four names: first name, middle name, Chinese name and last name. It works for them but is often very long.

Friends of mine have adopted sons from Russia and their given names were very old sounding. One of them was named Igor. While it is a common name in Russia, it's not such a common name for a child in the US.

I cannot speak for other countries as I have no experience but it is definitely possible and appropriate to change an internationally adopted child's name.

Now would I change the name of a domestically adopted child? Possibly. It would depend on the age of the child and whether or not the child liked his name. I would most likely give them a second middle name if they did not want to change thier name. Odds are high that a child adopted any at any age other than at birth it is from foster care or a traumatic event. If that is the case, a name change might be in order. I think if an older child is told that it is a right of passage for parents to bestow a name upon their children they might be offended if their name is not chosen by their adoptive parents. If that is the case by all means chose a name for the child and have it changed.

Bella

My name was changed when i was adopted...i was about 2. I was adopted through an international adoption, and i believe my parents changed my name because they already had a little girl with her name starting with the letter K, and my name started with k too so they changed mine.
I think they couldnt pronounce it.

I would probably change the name of a child, although from about 3 onwards i would leave it, because that is a part of the child,and i think changing their name could be a bit too much of a change, however when they are old enough to discuss it, i would be open to the idea of them changing it.

Kanakalele

Very interesting question. I chose all the names of my children, and I still call them all 'baby' or 'sweety' anyway, or worse, a horrible culmination of all of them...usually running down the list of names till I finally get to theirs! LOL< it's the curse of the mother who has more than 2 kids!

However, to be very serious about your question, I wouldn't change their name. I would make sure I call them by the name they respond to. example: Elizabeth is given name, but responds to Lizzy, I'd call her Lizzy. Jazmyn, but doesn't respond because she only responds to foul names, I would rename her given name and call her Ku'uipo, which means 'sweet heart' in Hawai'ian.

amelia_albertine

I plan to adopt a sibling group internationally, one day. I want to call my children by their given names if I can pronounce them well enough. One way or another their names will probably end up being pronounced the 'english' way, though (by school teachers, for instance) just because it is easier. If my kids want to call themselves by a different name - then I think I'd let them. I want to perhaps let them keep their 'family' name > maybe me and my husband will change our last name to their last name. Or else we could join both last names together. I will also make sure they have Spanish lessons (I want to adopt them from Latin America) because I think it's important that they remember their first language and have a sense of their original culture and identity.

Bouvier

We were blessed with a 3 1/2 week old baby girl, and we changed her name, however, I understand your statement/question....When a child is older, and has that "identity" already in place, it may be a tough thing to change their name. If you have the desire to do so, it may be better to maybe refer to him/her with both names. In other words, make both names a part of the conversation so that he/she begins to recognize it. At some point, the child should be able to choose on their own, but that is when they are much older in my opinion. Unless the name is difficult to pronounce, ie; a name from a foreign country, it may be better to just let things be. There's a lot of red tape involved in changing a name.

I think it's up to the parents, and also, depends on the situation. It's always best to think of the child first here, not your desire to have "that special name you have always dreamed of naming your child"...

Mom to Foster Children

We are in the process of trying to adopt a 5 year old...we will change his last name obviously and are unsure if we will change his middle name...first name stays as is!

Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot

I know of one girl...she's in her mid-late teens now..she was adopted at 10. I don't remember what her name was, say Mary. So Mary walks into her adoptive home for the first time, and looks at her new parents and announces: "My name is Elizabeth now. " Her parents honored this request and took a lot of guff because "they were changing this little girl's name." Some kids want to change their name. They either have a favorite name that they want to be called by or they just want nothing to do with their past. It's not always a bad thing, people!

naughty lady

We HAD to....scary but true...my adopted sons birth name was exactly the same name as my biological son...and that would have been really difficult to keep straight. :)
Our birth Mom understood, and gave us her blessing on his name....although she still thinks of him as the name she one had for him many, many years ago.

LizzyLuise

I'm not sure it's hard to say because the child's name is the last thing their biological mom or dad (or both) gave to them.
I think in a way that means a lot even though it doesn't seem like it does.
=]

Tater

We've adopted six children between the ages of 6 and 11. We left it up to them and they all wanted to change their names. Kind of like it was a new beginning for them

taraloha

My son was adopted when he was 2-1/2 and we changed his name. He had a long, strange, girly-sounding name (it was made up) and we simply took out some of the letters to shorten it and make it more masculine. His legal name (the one we gave him) is not a made up name. My son's foster family couldn't pronounce his birth name (it has an "sh" sound in it and they are Spanish-speakers) so he wasn't familiar with his name when we brought him home with us. That made the transition very easy.

BTW, my son just asked me a few days ago about his birth name and told me that he's glad we changed it! :)

fairy

i think in that case i would keep the birth name as the middle name.

wolf

Well my religion says that you aren't supposed to change the child's last name because that is the name the child's father gave it so it should stay with the child even if it is adopted. However I think you should ask the child if it wants it's name adopted. That way the child doesn't think that your trying to get rid of it's real name.

I_Love_McRedneck

I think a lot of people who change the name choose to use it as their middle name. It kind of ties the child to their history. I'd probably change it unless I really liked their given name.

thinkinkat1234

I would only change the last name to match yours. A childs name is their idenity. Most times it's all they have. I think by you changing their name you are saying that they are not good enough the way they are. Good luck and best wishes.

pinkat2001

I hate the idea of changing a childs name upon adoption. Whether their life was good or bad before adoption we all have pasts and need to remember where we come from. Changing their name is saying that their life before they met you was unimportant. Their culture their parents their livelihood is utmost important importance to their being. Whe you adopt a child they do not become your child. You have simply agreed to love and take care of them but you should respect the nine months they spent in their mother womb. And respect their given name that is a part of their identity.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: