Would you ever NOT adopt a baby who is a few months old?

myst1998

I would NEVER adopt fullstop. Fostering yes and I intend to and I have no preference of age etc. But to erase a child's identity and create a false existence for the child, I am not into living in fantsay land.

As for newborn adoption, it is a revolting practise based on lust and money and should be the first method of adoption to be abolished.

DevonChaos

What doesn't make sense to me, is that people who claim to be willing to raise a "child" don't want to raise a child. They want a child under 1 in most cases. If someone truly wants to help, shouldn't they be willing to accept an older child? Perhaps a disabled child? I don't see why anyone would limit themselves to ONLY infants in the first place. Sure, they are cute, but if you are unselfishly wanting to help children, wouldn't you want to help a child who really NEEDS a home?

Alion

If I were adopting,I wouldn't care if it was a newborn or two years old.
I don't understand the reasoning there either.

Jade

When I was in pre-birth discussions with the family who has my son, they told me they wanted a newborn because then it wouldn't have any baggage like a foster child would and then they could go through the newborn experience. At first I thought it made sense, but now I realize it is the most selfish thing anyone has ever said to me. Some people have enough money and manipulation tactics to make this seem ok and loving a child who needs a good home instead of a scared woman who thinks what they're telling her makes sense.

Rowan

Some people yes, would rather wait years to adopt a newborn. Myself personally, i'd rather adopt an older child, one who really needs a home, and a family. But if the oppurtinuty arose, i certainly wouldnt turn down any child, no matter the age.

red elephants

I plan on adopting older children so honestly neither would be my first choice (1 day old or a few months old). But I also wouldn't be upset or turn them down. I would just be happy to have a child that needed me and to be a mom.

of all of the adopters I know they were just thrilled to be parents. the youngest one adopted was 9 months old and they were so excited.

the same with those I know who are starting the process of being foster parents and adopting. all would be happy with any age it seems. none are set on having only a newborn.

Mr. Koala

If I were to adopt a child I would not chose or pass one based on age so I may not be a good source, but my assumption is that usually when a couple turns to adoption agency it is because for one reason or another they can't have children and thus have decided to adopt a child to substitute the one they can't have. Because of this they want it (the adoption) to be as close as possible to having their own child so they usually pick one who looks like them (same hair, eye, skin color, etc.) and is just born (or is as young as possible) as to emulate them having their own baby. Of course adoption will never really replace the child you can't have but we humans like to delude ourselves, usually to the detriment of all.

Crucio

Since If I ever I adopt it would be through the foster care system I would take any child that was placed with me whether they were 2 days old, 7 months old , 2 years old , 6 years etc. I know a couple they said theyâ€™d take up to a 4 year old so they were preparing for a toddler aged child well shocking to them they got a call one night told them that a baby had just been born if they wanted to adopt him. They said yes and about 2 years later they adopted a 15 month old little girl.

A's Momma

I was adopted from Korea when I was 5 months old. My parents were grateful to just have a baby. :)

i think parents who gave those answers should be put at te bottom of the list!! i would be happy with a 4 year old ,let alone a 7 month old.i cannot believe people are so stupid

icehockeymom7

Well, I adopted a 2 1/2 year old from China, so I guess you know my answer to your question! I don't understand people who only wish to adopt newborns. I guess they think they are *missing out* on something? I don't get it at all. When we adopted our daughter, we were required to specify an age range, and we just specified age 1 to 5, but honestly I was open to any age.

ETA: Oh, and Kit....my daughter isn't a sociopath. ;)

Angela R

I too have found it strange when I've seen profiles of couples hoping to adopt who have only selected "newborn", and aren't open to a baby whose only a few months old.

We adopted our children internationally and were actually really suprised that they were able to come home at just 6 months of age, as we had been open to adopting toddler too. I've talked to a few people in the adoption process who've said the only reason they wouldn't consider international adoption is because the baby wouldn't be a newborn.

I must say though, while a few months didn't make a difference to us, I wouldn't want to see an older baby, toddler or older child go to a family who really wanted a newborn, but feels like they "settled" for them inorder to to save time or money. No child should feel like they're second-best to a newborn.

Kyte

Many couples prefer the newborn because it can grow up in the way they feel is best, where older babies and upward may have some emotional baggage that there families had left them with.

Personally, I want to adopt, and I want to adopt a child, not a baby, because theres so many more children out there than just infants who need families.

farm mom of 10

My adopted daughter's baby brother came to live with us when he was six months old. I guess my case is very different, because I wasn't actually looking to adopt any more children, we are a foster family, and this little guy gave us ten children. But he's wonderful!!

Serenity71

New born adoption and pre-birth matching doesn't happen legally in Australia. Its more normal for a baby to be around 7 months. Both my children were around 6 - 7 months old when we recieved a phone call asking if we would like to adopt them (the mother has to have counselling and time to consider her options after the birth, potential adoptive parents don't even know they're being considered until after all the relinquishment period is past, they they're asked if they'll accept placement of a baby.) Four months old is considered very young for a baby to be placed for adoption here.

manda_jns

To be honest my husband and I want to adopt a child not specifically a newborn. We are in the process of adopting an 11 month old right now actually. We began this process thinking about a younger child not that we need to have a newborn. This really worked for us because my son is 3 so the age gap will be better than a newborn. This is my opinion. I couldn't imagine turning down a sweet lil angel just because it wasn't fresh from the womb. I guess it just depends on the situation and the couple looking to adopt.

Rebecca

If I were unable to have a child of my own I would prefer to adopt an infant as young as possible, just so I would have all of the experiences that come with being a parent to a newborn. But I would probably end up adopting 2+ children and I would be fine with any ages, from newborn - teenager. A blessing is a blessing. But it would be nice to have a baby.

So, I would probably adopt a toddler/child and then apply for adoption again later, to adopt a baby.

crzymmof8

I think sadly enough a lot of people want it to seem like it is their birth child. So if they are older (even a few months) well it isn't the same to them. I guess we have never adopted a baby so I don't know. All of our kids were older (well one was 2) when we adopted them. It shouldn't really matter if you just really want to parent. But I guess that is just my opinion.

Elizabeth G

Who wouldn't want the newborn experience as I had with my first adopted daughter, however my husband and I would adopt a child that was older as well.

I think some couples are faced with an issue of wanting people to believe the child is their own. Adoption is a very unselfish, respected, and loving experience to everyone that is involved.

I would take a newborn just as easily as a 3 year old child. Is there a difference, yes. You need to focus on bonding more with a 3 year old to allow them to adapt to a new life. Is it worth every minute....you better believe it!

I love being a mom, and I love my baby girl

twinsmama06

I work in the adoption industry and complete home studies for couples waiting. I have not met one that didn't agree to take newborn to two year olds on the home study. Now I have met couples that want a specific gender or ethnicity or refuse to consider disabled children. Which is put on the home study.

Obviously, doing the home study is one thing and then accepting an actual adoption plan is not so cut and dry. You are presented with medical history of birth mother, drug history of birth mother if any, age of child, location of the child and whether the birth mother wants semi-open, open or closed - that is if you are lucky enough to be chosen by the birth mother/father. AND you have to be able to afford the adoption plan. Which as all of you know can get very expensive with all the agency fees, lawyer fees and medical fees. It all has to be the right thing for you.

I think you cannot do something as big as adopting a child without feeling it is the right thing for you and your family. Sounds like you want to judge the adoptive parents that you have heard doing this. I agree it seems ridiculous to care about a few months - in fact a lot of couples rule out international adoption because you are not likely to get a newborn unless you go domestic.

I have felt it was ridiculous when couples that say they want a specific gender (this can add years to your wait) or a specific ethnicity. Again, they have to feel right about the adoption.

I never thought I would turn down a baby, but my husband and I could not afford the first adoption plan that we were presented with (or I guess we choose not to be in debt) and I am so glad we did, because 3 months later we were matched with our birth mother and now have twins. So, it is hard for me to judge other couples reasons for adopting when they do.

Nora

wait for a newborn a child can suffer damage in the first few months of life from emotional neglect and later be unable to bond with adoptive parents.. i would not consider a child more than 14 days old.

A newborn would be my first choice, but I would take a baby that was a few months old, or even a child that was a year or so old. It doesn't make sense anyone wanting to adopt would turn down any infant.

Kit

Personally, if I were going to adopt a very young child, I would be wary of a child who was, say, between 18 and 36 months, as children whose social development is significantly disturbed at that age are more likely to turn out sociopaths, but at 7 months he should still be young enough that the abrupt change in his surroundings wouldn't affect him that much.
I don't really understand adopting newborns. I've been around tons of newborns and they're pretty much interchangeable at that age. There is little if any personality there, you know? You don't really bond with the baby, just with the idea of having a sleepy, puking bundle of howling poop smell that is your very own.

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