Would you rather be bitter and twisted? Or lack curiosity?

Theresa

Bitter and Twisted all the way here as well.

I can't comprehend being without curiosity. I can understand having curiosity but feeling too scared to voice it, because I was there. I can also understand being stuck in the lifelong gratitude trap and feeling silenced, because I was there too.

But a life without curiosity to me seems one dimensional.

grumppopotamus

Honestly, there are times where I wish I lacked curiosity. There was a certain freedom in not knowing. In just chalking adoption up to something that happened, as opposed to something that was a huge part of me.

But for me, I HAD to know. I am twisted. And I do not like being adopted. At all. I'm working on the bitter part. ;)

Laurel J

Bitter and twisted all the way. (Also, hearing a certain old Daltrey tune in my head at the moment.)

Shoot, if I weren't bitter and twisted and curious, my friends wouldn't recognize me. We BSE types are kitschy like that.

spydermomma

Aw Phil, the title of this question cracked me up!

Not that I think those are the only valid choices, but if I had to choose I'd surely pick:

Bitter, twisted -- and curious

Hmm, actually the curious part is me for sure, and some would probably say the twisted. Bitter, not so much. But then I'm not adopted, so what do I know <wink>

I actually don't get not being curious at all, but maybe that's just me. Heck, I'm very curious about my daughter's first family and foster family, and if it were up to me I would search. But I believe searching for her first family is her choice to make -- having had so many choices made for her. So beyond trying to lay some groundwork that might be impossible to do in China by the time she's grown, I won't search for her first family. I do hope, very much with her encouragement, to reconnect her with her foster family, whom she remembers and misses.

Ellie S

Bitter And Twisted

iluvmykiwi

Curious, but satisfied with my life enough not to be bitter or twisted.

I'm working on being there - successfully working on it. Not with adoption per se, but with other family lies and stuff.

celtic.piskie

Bitter and twisted all the way.

The truth cannot be changed, and what is to be gained by ignorance?

Nothing but a false sense of warm n fuzzy haze.

Falseness irritates me.

I'd rather be bitter and twisted, (bearing in mind i'm quite happy and well-adjusted), than ignorant and happy.

I'd rather know the truth than wonder.

Mei-Ling

I'm not bitter about my adoptive family/sibling/environment. I'm in general quite happy and content.

I'm bitter that I lost my original family/sibling/environment. But some days, what I go through in terms of language and cultural barrier... it ALMOST makes me think that my curiousity extended too far and maybe I was better off not knowing what I know now.

Jennifer L

Why is this an either, or situation? Can't you be curious AND bitter & twisted?

Zeena

I don't think it has to be one or the other.

I am happy that I was adopted.I am happy with my family and my parents.I was curious, and I searched.What I found wasn't what I expected and that made me grateful to have my parents.I still have contact with my bio family and my little brother (who is full blooded and they decided to keep him) but we are not close.My twin keeps more contact than any of us.

We just never clicked.

Camira B

Bitter & Twisted!

I'm already bitter & twisted, according to some people, and I am definitely curious about everything so yep.

Bitter & Twisted + Curiosity = Awesomeness

Not Adopted

Well, I can think of one person who is bitter, twisted, and without curiosity, all at the same time. He's the one who thinks his physical characteristics are somehow tied to his adoptive family....how twisted is that?

Kazi

Hmmm, I think people need to take stock of themselves if they wear bitter and twisted like a badge of honour.

I find it ironic that those who shout to the rooftops that they are sick and tired of people invalidating their experience and how they are entitled to "their truth" are often the first to condescend to to others whose truth may differ, particularly to the point where their adoptee status would be called into question.

From what I have seen and heard, some people are curious and search. Some people are curious and think about searching. Some people are curious and do not search for a multitude of reasons that are no doubt personal and should not be taken so personally by those who disagree.

I Love A Child With Autism!!!

My personal choice would be bitter and twisted...however...I could do without the name calling on either side and I do believe that other adoptees have the RIGHT to feel the way they do, even if they don't conform to your mind set. It is not fair of you to try to impress into others that if they don't feel about their adoption the same way that you do that they are either not adopted or are somehow unnatural. Perhaps you would be better to try to see others personal points of view rather than crucify their beliefs based on nothing but a few remarks here and there.

Carnie C

i just want to be happy. bitter and twisted are not synonomous with happy.

do you question whether we're reallya doptees because we don't feel like you do? we don't have to ahve your feelings or have our feelings invalidated because they're not like yours. adoption and search/reunion are as unique as the individuals involved and each can do with it what they choose -- without being questioned by another.

Bitter and Twisted.

Although I can see boths sides to the adoption part of this.

opedial

How about neither.

Randy B

Ok, lets get some facts straight. Seems we have to do that given the comments here and in emails to me.

Yes, I was adopted and have adopted two myself. No doubt about it.

Yes, I am a happy adoptee, no quotation marks, and from some of the other answers my questioned garnered I'm not the only one.

So, now that thats out of the way, if it's a choice between not being curious or being bitter and twisted, I'll gladly not be curious.

Studies quoted in Adoption Quarterly (Vol 4(3) 2001) found that those adults who were curious and did search for their birth parents (their term, not mine) "had significantly lower scores on standardized measures of self-esteem and a less positive sense of identify, reported poorer relationships with their adoptive parents, had less positive feelings about being adoptied then nonsearchers, and had experienced more chronic stress (Aumend & Barrett, 1984; and Sobol and Cardiff, 1983)"

Now, I'm not stating that all of those who searched are that way. I didn't even do the study. But it does hold that those who don't search or don't feel a need to are generally better adjusted then those who do. So for me, I have no problems lacking curiosity.

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