Writing a contact letter?

PhilM

This was one of the hardest things I have ever written.

I did include a little personal information. I wanted to let her know a bit about me so that she felt a little more comfortable in responding to me.

My letter was roughly two pages (typed, single spaced, 12 pt. font) long. I did introduce myself, gave her a short summary of my life so far, and my living situation. I told her I wasn't looking for money or someone to take care of me. That I wanted to know her and find out more about where I came from.

Everyone will have different things they want to share, different things they want to know.

I'd be happy to try to answer other questions you might have.

A good place to visit, with lots of adoptees who have been through this, is:

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php

One of the best places on the web, and a good place for support while you're going through this...

Best of luck to you.

Freckle Face

Hi KR,

I would listen to Phil, go to adultadoptee.org. Its a great site with awesome people who can help you and have been thru what you are currently experiencing. I've actually checked it out and you will find great support there.

Best wishes in your search:)

Heather B

When I made contact a few weeks ago I picked up the phone. I was very anxious and emotional but decided that was what I wanted to do, have you considered calling at all.

I found these sample letters very helpful to use as a guide.

http://www.adopteesearch.info/sample.html

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope to hear how things go for you :)

Santa's Lil' Helper

I am not an adoptee...Phil has given you a great resource.

I think your doing a wonderful thing. I know your an adult adoptee so your mom never had the luxury of contact before. How about sending a few photos of you through the years. It may bring some tears but it may also be a touching gesture from daughter to mother that will be treasured.

My daughter is seven and she was just able to reestablish contact with her mom. Now I know your not seven but her mom just loves to hear about what she does. Who her friends are. What she likes. She takes pictures and makes drawlings.

When dd first wrote her we did not hear anything for a month...it was just because she was sorting out the flood of emotion she felt.
I would give her your contact info including e-mail. Let the next move me on her terms. Again I am not expert in this area but it seemed to be what helped with dd.

This is an amazing moment in your life. I am so happy for you.

janine k

As a birthmother I would like to know a bit about your personal life since I gave you up but at the same time I would also like to know what your thoughts would be if I did not want any further contact.Personally I would love to have contact with my daughter but have to accept her wish of no contact and just hope that this will change in the near future.

snowwillow20

I am a birthmom,
I hope this isn't TMI I know you are aking from your point of view, but maybe this will help.

I wrote this to Children's home society to be put in her file,
I have wanted to write this letter for many years and I have actually composed it many times, but I was so fearful to complete it. We have always regretted our decision to place you with a family. We thought we were doing the best thing. We were young and stupid. I have thought about you often, especially on your birthday and I cried many tears. I realize that you may hate us and not want a relationship with me or your father, and that is OK, but if you ever want to meet us , we would love to meet you. We want to know if you were happy growing up, if you have realized all your dreams, and if you have your own family now. You are probably wondering what as taken me this long to write this letter and all I can say is that I was scared. You have a younger brother who would love to know his sister.
Your birthparents
Just put your feelings in it, whatever you write will be the right thing.
I found her a few days later wth the help of a search angel. Once we found her, we were advised to write a letter similar to this.
I am looking for someone I lost contact with, who was born on Jan ** 19** in B***** CA in ********* hospital. The person I am looking for was adopted by the ******** family. If you are this person, please contact me at 555-********. It was very generic and she did write me back and from there it just got better.

sizesmith

By not putting personal information, it means not your social security numbers, not your entire life history.

If I were in that position, I'd put something like, "I'm curious to know where I came from, and would like to know more about you. There are many things I'm curious about, such as, do I have brothers and sisters? Who do I look like? There are many more, and I'd like to meet you to talk about them. I hope that this can be a good meeting. I'm asking to get to know you, not yell, or not to judge. Please let me know, and I'd like to meet you soon."

Good luck. So many re-unions are great, but there are also disappointments out there, and I hope you are prepared, just in case.

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