Yet another question about name changes?

Possum

You be proud of her Vietnamese name - and so will she - and make sure all those around you are also on the same page.
We all get our names butchered from time to time.
That's life - we live in an ugly world.
Stand strong for her - she needs you to do so.
If the written name looks very different to the pronounced name - add in brackets what it should sound like - to help people to get to know her.
Do NOT change her first name.
Please.
That's hers to keep. And it should be honoured.

Not Adopted

Keep the Vietnamese name. You can always have a nickname that is a shorter version of the full name.

How many people who are named Christina go by the nickname "Chris", "Krissy," etc? You could probably come up with something like this. This would preserve her full name while making it easier on a daily basis, which is what we all tend to do anyway!

BTW, I have a last name that is butchered on a daily basis, no biggie.

Randy B

Many people with english or other names, living in Canada and/or the US, have their names butchered by well meaning people who don't know how to pronounce it. It happens with first or last names.

If you want to keep her VN name first and foremost then do so. If people have to ask her how it's pronounced or if she (or you) has to politely correct people ... then so be it.

wynn

I would say not to stress too much. Keep the pretty Vietnamese name if you can.

When we came back from Ethiopia our daughter chose to keep her name and add a middle name. Her name sounds like a boy's name here, with an extra letter thrown in the middle. Butchered all the time. Our son's name, on the other hand, was a common girls' name here. We shortened his name to be the masculine version and he's happy.

Our daughter decided after about a year that she wanted to change her name. We've talked with her about the fact that her parents chose that name for her, and it has a special meaning in their language. We've pointed out that my name is unusual, and often taken as a man's name. We think the nicknames her friends call her are cute. But we also acknowledge that she should have control of her identity. So we've left it that if she can come up with a name that she likes and sticks with that name for a year or so, we will take her to court and do a name change, moving her Ethiopian name to the middle. It's not like she's got a credit history and transcripts and things that will get all messed up at this point if we change her name legally.

In any case, it seemed like once she knew that we would help her change her name, she stopped worrying about it. She's still correcting people on her name, but doesn't seem to mind anymore.

Carol c

Keep the Vietnamese name and perhaps use a nickname or shorter version. I think it's good that you are honoring her culture and want to keep her original name. I wouldn't jump to conclusions that people will butcher it or even that it will bother your daughter if that happens.

monkeykitty83

How about a nickname for use by people who just can't get it?

I have a name that's apparently very hard to pronounce. It's totally phonetic to me, but when I was growing up teachers often wouldn't even attempt it, and at one point a boyfriend of six months mispronounced it while making restaurant reservations. I've had friends who consistently referred to me as "Sarah" (which to me sounds nothing like my actual name) just because they couldn't wrap their brains around my real first name. So though I'm not adopted, I have experience with the tough name thing.

But you know what? It's just not a big deal. When I'm looking back at my life at things that have hurt or negatively affected me, having my name said wrong, or being called the wrong name, doesn't even make the list.

However, I've heard a lot of adoptees say that having their name changed had a VERY negative effect on them.

Your daughter may have mild annoyance at correcting the pronunciation of her name, but nothing like the identity issues caused by being renamed. If it really bothers her, when she gets older, she can change her own name. For now, I think you should keep her Vietnamese name, and choose a nickname for use by the consistently clueless.

Rowan

Please keep her name. Especially coming from another country, she'll have that connection to her heritage and background. But i do like the idea of an american(r english anyway) middle name or nickname she can use later on if she chooses.

A friend adopted a girl from China, and they let the little girl choose to keep her name or not. She chose a name very similar to her chinese name, and kept the connection.

BLW_KAM

My legal first name is a male name. It's been fun for me when people say, "What did you say?" or "Did your mom want a boy?" I'm constantly getting mail addressed to "Mr." and my mother in law was confused when her son first started talking about me.

I love having a unique name. To this day I've only met one other woman also graced with it. So please don't change her name. It's hers and it belongs with her.

As others have mentioned, a nickname is a wonderful idea to help her from hearing her name slaughtered again and again.

HappyMomAnna

I am American and have an American name No One can ever pronounce correctly and consider it an honor to correct people who can't!

Banshee Lingers

It's all part of the fun. I've had friends named Yoh-Han (English name John) and Ji-Eun, same in english and korean. My sister is SoeLa, and I am Hyon-Ah, though I go by Kassandra and may change my name to Hannah, which I considder similar to my Korean name. My brother is Min. Having a unique asian name is great, being adopted cam be rough but there is no doubt who your parents are, who loves you and would do anything to keep, protect and love forever and a day. Give her the choice, as I was given, and call her by her VN name because that's what got her to where she will be soon, or is now! Good luck and happy future,
~Banshee

Robin

I'll just say that my ADOPTED last name is FRENCH and was BUTCHERED by every doctor's office, every school administrator, every teacher, every classmate throughout my childhood into my adult years. Not only that, but NO ONE could spell it properly! I used an abbreviation all through school.

I had a nickname from that last name that I didn't particularly like growing up. Now of course, it's nostalgic when my best friend's brother calls me by that name.

There are many large Vietnamese communities in California. (I don't know what state you live in). Because of this, Vietnamese names are not unusual to see, and while many may not be pronounced properly the first time, they will be pronounced properly once people are educated.

I used to tell people how to pronounce my last name by spelling it out or sounding it out phonetically. That is the name my father gave me when he adopted me (his name!). My parents didn't change my 1st & middle names. Those are the 2 things that have been mine since the day I was born & I'm grateful to my parents.

Good luck!

If you want this kid accepted in an english talking school, then make the name english. Forget where she came from, show her where she is now, and how to adapt here and now. Treat her as she was born to you, here in your home town. Forget the past move on to the future here and now. That was she will be accepted here and now. Good luck.

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