my friend has been waiting 3 years for her adoption...?

LinnyG

People do not give friends their babies. Clearly, you have no idea how separating a natural child and it's mother will affect the child and the mother. Its a lifetime of trauma and sadness. Most women who surrender their children NEVER recover.

If your friend truly wanted to be a parent, she would become a foster to adopt parent here in the states. Ripping a child from his or her country of origin is wrong and very selfish.

smarmy

Awwww isn't that sweet you want to "create an adoptee"....... to help a friend.......
Its amazing how little the child is considered in these type questions.

She could have been a parent 3 times over if she would just accept a child who is actually in need. She obviously doesn't want that or she would have sought out a child from foster care. I say let her wait.

H******

There are kids in need of adoption that have been waiting WAY longer than 3 years!

What to do; perhaps open your eyes and realise that adoption is supposed to find homes for needy kids (there are around 130,000 of them right on your doorstep needing homes!) and not finding a baby for needy families

Rosie

Surrogates need to have had their own baby first so they can be sure that they can carry a baby to term safely.

You are trying to conceive with your husband right now. I think that has to be your first priorty.

Tarra

"She has spent thousands and thousands of dollars." So do lots of other ppl. Not sure what these fees are for, but i read about a lot of people that would spend $10,000 and wait 5 or 6 years, and finally just give up trying.

Something tells me the agencies KNOW this and use it as a money maker. Basically they get $paid for entering them into a computer system. Who's to say they looked for a child or not. I'm not even sure anyone checks. How would they? I know they say they are on a waiting list -- but can anyone SEE this waiting list to SEE where they are on it? I'm just guessing - not.

But I did read that if she's single -- tell her to STOP paying. China isn't allowing single parent adoptions anymore, or at least is putting them on the back of this so-called "waiting list".

Oh yea to adopting older kids!! Don't bother waiting for a baby. Not all older kids have problems or medical issues. In fact I bet the only problem many of them has is they turned 5. Don't forget U.S. foster care system. Way easier, faster, and cheaper.

Dorian

Just have an honest discussion with your friend and let her know you are willing to do this for her. If she's not interested she will say so. I think it would be a wonderful gift. I would strongly recommend using a donor egg. That way you have no genetic relationship to the child, which might make your friend uncomfortable.

I donated eggs to a friend in college. She now has 2 beautiful children and I've never regretted my decision. It's something I'm proud of even now, that I was able to help my friend and her husband start their family.

Marie C

A baby is not some kind of commodity that you can or should just have and hand over to someone else, even if it's a good friend. Yes, the China program is taking a long time right now, but eventually she will be referred a baby from an orphanage. If she is getting impatient, perhaps she should consider changing to the China "waiting child" program, through which she could adopt an older child with diagnosed but treatable medical needs. There are many, many children in this program who will never be adopted in their own country because the lack of health insurance would prevent them from getting the care they need. Many of these conditions are easily managed in the United States. Your friend would have a child much faster if she switched to this program. If she prefers to wait for a non-special-needs infant, she'll probably have to hang in there for at least another year.

DevonChaos

She's going to wait a long time. If she had gone through DCFS in her own country, she'd likely have already adopted, and not have spent more than a couple of hundred dollars.

I think that your idea to surrogate is a bad one. If you haven't had a child yet, you don't know how you would react to pregnancy, not to mention giving up a child who has grown in your own body. Not to mention you would be creating an adoptee when there are already so many out there waiting.

Someday soon she CAN adopt, if she goes through the proper channels and leaves China alone.

Wanting to help your friend to feel better is very noble. But you need to take a step back and think about being a surrogate. I don' know if you have kids presently but being a surrogate is a wonderful gift but do you think you can go through with it? Some have offered to be a surrogate and then change their minds later and that causes a whole lot of problems with the baby. If you bring this up to your friend, say you could consider being a surrogate and that will give both of you time to consider. Human nature to want to make someone feel better and hopeful but make sure you can follow through

Serenity71

Ask her... She can always say No to the idea and ask that you don't mention it again. I did (said No,)when someone offered it to me and we're still talking.

Cleopatra

You should tell your friend that she is lucky she hasn't made the mistake of adopting. Adoption is not what society has us think it is. You already said that your friend WANTS to have a baby. All babies WANT their natural mothers. You - as well have a lot to learn about being a surrogate, your not an incubator. Surrender/adoption is NOT a noble sacrifice or altruistic act. At least that is how birthmothers or adoptees feel about it.

MARY

Before suggesting it to her, make sure you're fully aware of what is expected of you legally and emotionally. I would talk to an attorney and a person who has been a surrogate before suggesting your idea to your friend.

Expecting 11/7/10 <3

I don't see how there is harm in bringing it up/asking. As long as you do it in an appropriate manner. Why not!? Good luck to you!

Rachelle

offer her your sugestion and if she doesnt want to take u up on it then no harm done make sure this is really wat you want to do coz u will get attached to this baby and you might get hurt in the long run but i wish u all the luck in the world and hope everything workes out for your friend

Jesse oso

Sorry but i really dont know what to do ???

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