open to meeting birthmom/not to contact after

My husband and I began the adoption process after learning we could not have a baby ( I cannot have children) Since we had stopped and started the process with an agency in the southeast based on mistruths and misinformation. We are starting the process again, and are very happy to meet the birthmom and/or dad, and let her know us. But we are both adamantly opposed to having contact other than a letter or pics of our child after. We are happy to help our child find his or her parents when and if he decides to later in life. I am finding when talking to new agencies, they are pushing us to be open to meeting the birthmother after the baby is born once a year or whatever. Let me get this straight, you were willing to give someone your baby to take care of emotionally financially, love when they are hurting or sick or suffering, but you don't want to raise it yourself. I know these girls are making the hardest decision of their life, and in a perfect world, adoption would not be my option. But the idea of spending time and money for visits with the birthmom is appalling to me, not mention confusing to our child.

momtomany

I gave a child up for adoption. It was a closed adoption. i wanted a closed adoption. As much as I wanted to watch him grow up, I felt it was better for him to lead as normal and as happy life as possible. Whether or not his adopted parents told him the truth was strictly up to them. I wanted him to have a life I couldnt give him. His adopted parents always told him that he was adopted. He turned 16 this past September. I was invited to the party. His parents divorced when he was 5 years old. We have been reunited since August of last year. He always wanted to find his birth mother and birth father, and his mother allowed him to when she felt the time was right for him. We have an awesome relationship. He lives a little over an hour away and we visit often. I have 5 children of my own. Our families have integrated and we have become one family. His birth mother was battling cancer and passed last week. It has been extremely hard as I hurt for this child and could never imagine what hes goign through. As I did not want an open adoption from the get go, I am forever grateful that his mother let him find me when she did. Theres no age or time limit you can set. It has to be right for everyone involved. All of our situations are different. I always told his mom she was my hero. She gave him a life that I could not. She made him the boy he is and has taught him life lessons to become a great man. Don't let anyone push you to do something you are not comfortable with. You are entitled to all decisions with your child. But always remember you never know waht tomorrow will bring. Giving him up was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and nothing will probably ever be harder. But as we have suffered a huge loss with the death of his mother I am grateful to her that put us back together so he would not have to go through this alone. There is a mother out there that wants the same thing as you do for her child. There are so many unique situations out there. Keep looking and you will find exactly what you and your husband both want. Prayers and best of luck to you and your family as you start your journey together.

momtomany

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