"Have one, adopt one."?

Andraya

Genetics Honey! It is all about the genetics.

Every single life form on this planet has one main goal, to survive long enough to propagate the species. Simple. Adoption is the last option in a genetic sense. The urge to procreate outweighs the urge to parent.

Have you ever seen a single celled organism in school? What does it do? It reproduces! From the common cold virus all the way up the food chain to us the most important aspect of being alive it to further your own dna into the species and ultimately to further the species.

Adoption isn't like having your own. There can be no substitution for seeing your own dna and genetic factors recreated into another sentient being. It is truly the first primal instinct.

People choose adoption, most often, because they are unable to bear children. So they take on that secondary instinct of nurturing a child and force it to the forefront.

PhilM

There are a number of odd assumptions in your question.

Why is it ideal for each family to have two kids? Some families are perfect with no children.

While something must be done for children who are without caretakers, there are certainly not enough of those for each family to adopt one.

And adoption is supposed to be about helping children, not fulfilling the needs of the parents to have children.

In the end, it seems more important to reduce the need for adoptions by working to improve conditions in society that lead to adoptions. Some will point out, perhaps rightly, that adoption may sometimes be necessary. But just because it may be necessary sometimes, that doesn't mean we shouldn't work to reduce that need, rather than accept it and spread it far and wide.

I think your impulse here is good. We ought to take care of children in need. But I don't think advocating more widespread use of adoption is the best answer for that need.

Gershom

or better yet, why aren't people sponsoring families? 1 out of every 100 guatemalan babies are adopted to the united states each year. For 30,000 dollars you can support alot of families and prevent the separation loss and trauma by helping an entire family instead of taking a child for collateral and supporting the middle man.

adoption isn't an industry built on helping children find families, its an industry built on helping families find children. thats why its a last resort, and thats why childrens rights aren't enforced like they should be in the United States.

read the "stork market" , or the girls who went away. Its not about children who have been removed and need homes, its about how can we find the next white infant to make the most money and all the kids who REALLY need homes, get pushed to the side and age out of the system.

america the beautiful.

red&sassy

in response to the other poster, "NOODLES", why do you think it's always the woman's fault for the pregnancy? why do you blame her for keeping her child? your anger is misguided. a man / boy got her pregnant. she wouldn't be in the "system" if they paid their child support. many divorcees find themselves in the system, should their children be taken away? how is that different?

did you have an "open" adoption? how's it going?

i don't think adoption is the answer for newly born babies. yes, would love to see children placed in foster homes adopted.

ELLE T

The reason people don't adopt? I don't think it even crosses the majority of peoples minds. They have their birth children and know they can have more and it wouldn't occur to them to adopt.

I have three birth children, two step children and am in the process of adopting a sibling group of four. I'm not adopting because I can't have birth children, but I want to help a sibling group have a permanent loving home. Lots of people have said 'good on you' but have stated they couldn't do it. When questioned further they can't offer a reasonable explanation as to why not.

In the UK it is totally free to adopt so money isn't the issue. I think it is just societys view on adoption and birth families. I personally feel that this view has to change, but doubt if it ever will.

Melissa G

Definitely, the money.

Two Facts:

1. Adoption isn't free, unless you are adopting from the foster system. Children available in the foster system who are adoptable may often have issues that a family may not be equipped to deal with. To get a healthy baby or child, couples need to be prepared to spend a LOT of money, average of $20,000.

2. Most "homeless" kids are not available for adoption. Maybe you mean orphans? We don't have orphanages in the U.S. anymore. Internationally they do but it costs even MORE to adopt internationally.

sunny

How about 'have one, support one"

Have your own (if you choose) and help support a child staying with it's family.

Why not do a project on family preservation instead--it's a RADICAL idea!

Elizabeth

I think many people realize that DNA does matter and that adoption will not change DNA.

However, some infertiles go off the deep end and become so desperate that they deny the realities of blood, genetics, and DNA.

We don't need more adoptions in this country, we need more abortions.

Kaytay. xo

i feel people dont adopt because they feel that the child wont have as special a bond as on would if it was actually their our out of the mother's womb. i actually feel this way. im only 14 but im sitting here to think 'it would be horrible to not be able to concieve. adoption would give me a child... but it wouldnt be mine through blood' its a sad thought but as i grow older i will probably change that veiw...

Bri2007

Although I personally believe strongly in adoption, it would be hard to have one biological child and one adopted child. I would be afraid to show favoritism, which i'm sure in all honesty no one actually would because you would love both children equally despite which one is yours biologically.

reasons why people don't adopt:
1. it can be highly costly, depending on where the child is from.
2. not an efficient knowlage of the mental family history, and psychological disorders are proven to be passed down through generations
3. having your own child is your heritage, it has peices of you inside of it, it will look similar to you, which is kind of a cool thought

however, the world is becoming overpopulated, and with malthus philosophy becoming more evident we should probally start adopting before we have any more kids.

the_last_knight_69

I don't think its because people are selfish or because people are not able to afford it, its just a simple matter of the bond of your own seed. I have 2 children and 1 Step child, well sorta the mother and I got divorced. I don't love any of them any less than the others, but I do feel a bond when it comes to my children that I don't share with my step daughter. they are a part of me and I can just feel it. Also I feel if people in countries who have children that need adopting so badly had more self control there would have to be any children suffering. The astigmatism that some cultures have that a son is better than a daughter is just wrong too!

Momo

I would love to adopt a child personally! My husband on the other hand thinks it would be 'unnerving' to raise a child that was not "his" so to speak :(

princessleilel98

yes they do have to PLAN there future

furfur

LIFETIME MOVEIS! Seriously, the media has given adopton so much bad publicity. I adopted my daughter after not being able to get pregnant. My husband and I wanted two kids and before our first daugter joined our family, we planned to "try" again and then adopt if nothing happened. Well, Emily came into our lives and the adoption path has been so rewarding that we decided not to put that kind of stress into our lives again and have fun expanding our family by adopting again. We are currently on the waiting list for child number two.

BPD Wife

Most people choose not to adopt because of the cost. It is very "expensive" to adopt.

The other reason people do not choose to adopt is that they want to have their own bio child and experience pregnancy, etc. They are afraid they will not bond or love a child that is not their flesh & blood. It's sad, but true.

o0Vampiress0o

I guess my answer would just be a broken record based on the rest of the previous answers said.

It costs too much and frankly that leads to the only reason people adopt...a last resort.

Try asking why adoption agencies are not more concerned with people's incomes, then I'm sure you'd see more adoptions done even if you have kids.

Sometimes people have 1 or 2 kids and can't have anymore for some reason, so they decide not to adopt because it's too expensive and they figure they already fulfilled their wish of conceiving their own.

Why do you think famous actors have the inter-adoption fever? Because they have the money and they want the adventure, I mean besides the fact that they want to give love to an orphan from a third world country who is less fortunate than u.s. orphans.

Michelle B

People do not adopt for several reasons. Money involved, selfishness, afraid you will never fully bond or love the child. Me & my husband have three of our own children. Almost five years ago my nephew (14)and a four month old baby boy moved in. The baby boy was a friend of a friend kind of thing we heard about. Both parents were in trouble all the time and addicted to crack cocaine. I knew this and also knew she had smoked it during pregnancy. I did not care, I just couldn't believe these people would put their addictions before their children. This was not their first child, it was their fourth child. All lost to the system, except Jake. We did a volunteer placement with social services so no money was involved. Anyway, I love him to death. I could not love him anymore. He does not know he is adopted yet. Another baby, related, (2 months old) is about to be taken by social services and we are in the process of helping that child. It is possible to have the same bond you have with your own flesh & blood child as it is with an adopted child. We are all God's children so we need to stick together and help each other.

belizeable

For a lot, it is the money.

It is very, very expensive to adopt.

And many people that adopt want to adopt babies. This is because many older children have problems from their past. Many came out of abusive situations and the parents are afraid they won't be able to deal with it. Additionally, if the parents already have children, they fear their adopted child might act out and hurt their other child(ren). So now we have a high demand of babies and the older children get passed around from one corrupted foster home to anther.

'King'

I think adopting a child is a great idea, however the society we live in, tells us that it is best to have children with your partner, and if that doesnt work out then look at the possibility of adoption.
For some people, it a question of passing on their genes, to be able to look at your child and see a remsemblance of yourself, your parents or of your partner.

In terms of love, an adopted child will love their adopted parents like any other child, but some parents may fear that when that child finally meets their biological parents, then their role or impact in their adopted child life will be compromised.

Melissa W

There are a lot of considerations before one should adopt. Adoption is VERY expensive in most cases, but one must also take into consideration the health of the child (including mental health). Infants are usually the most wanted by couples looking to adopt, so an older child may have health or psychological issues some parents have to carefully consider.

Adoption is not something to be taken lightly. I believe all children should have an opportunity (whether healthy or not) to have a family. Your question was "why do people not adopt?" A child is a LIFE long commitment. When you have a child, you know where it comes from, the predispositions for genetic disorders, traits, etc. There are more questions when you adopt. Thankfully, most people who do have extraordinary faith and those children they raise are truly blessed.

Hope that helps!

Actress-Model-Singer-Dancer

It is probably one of 3 things:

1: MONEY
2: GENETICS
3: HEALTH PROBLEMS (IN THE CHILD)

My grandmother was adopted when she was little, but her mom never gave her up (Long confusing story). Now my grandmother has 9 of her own kids and 6 adopted children. Her and my grandfather have also been taking care of foster children for many years and they still are. She is 61 now, and still taking in little abandoned babies. When I am an adult, I would like to adopt a little girl and maybe a little boy.

Brandy P

I think a lot of people don't adopt either because they don't have the money to do so, or they don't feel like dealing with explaining everything to the children once their older... I think adoption is great and once I'm older and more stable I would love to look into adopting a child

Mr$.Rob

Simple. People are selfish! People are not quick to adopt and when they do they look overseas a lot. My parents had 3 children of their own and have adopted 3 others. The youngest is still in high school and they do not plan on adopting anymore. However, I feel that they have made a huge impact on some kids lives who cloud have been another criminal or victim in society.

Tonia

Well I think one of the biggest reason that people avoid adoption is because of all the red tape. They ask so many intrusive questions. AND BASICALLY TREAT YOU AS IF YOUR GUILTY OF SOMETHING BEFORE YOU EVEN APPLY. THEY ACT LIKE YOUR AN AX MURDERER OR CHILD MOLESTER UNTIL THEY PROVE YOUR NORMAL!! IT TURNS PEOPLE OFF.

If you're considering becoming a parent through adoption, you already know you'll be entering into a rigorous process. A major component of that process is the home study, during which a licensed social worker investigates prospective parents to see if they are suitable candidates for adopting a child.

While you might cringe at the idea of having an outsider come in to assess your parenting capabilities, if you think about it from the child's perspective it makes sense. Basically, the home study exists as a safeguard for children. But it can help parents, too. "[The home study] gives people an opportunity to prepare for adoptive parenthood by looking back at where they've been and forward toward where they're going with a clearer vision of all the things that brought them to this point," says Renee Lubowich, an adoption social worker in Wellesley, Massachusetts.

With that in mind, here are some answers to common questions about home studies to help you get ready.

What Information Will We Need to Provide?
Specific home study criteria vary from state to state and, for international adoptions, from country to country. A local adoption agency can tell you what your state requires. If you're planning to adopt internationally, try to decide what country you want to adopt from before initiating a home study, says Sam Wojnilower, an adoption social worker and Russia program coordinator for Adoptions from the Heart, based in Wynnewood, Pennsylvania. That way you can avoid the time and expense of having to redo parts of the process to meet the requirements of a particular country. An agency that deals with international adoption can advise you of the rules for different countries.

In general, you can expect to be asked to disclose your medical history, including testaments to your physical and medical health, and your financial status (you don't have to be richâ€”just responsible). A social worker will also visit your home to, at a minimum, make sure there are no safety hazards and there is sufficient space for a child. Most states require a police background check and a child abuse background check; some also require federal criminal clearance.

States also give a lot of discretion to agencies, says Wojnilower, whose social workers will interview the prospective adoptive family, sometimes several times. Agencies might also ask you to write biographical essays, discuss your views on childrearing and discipline, or submit character references.

What Will It Cost?
Home studies usually cost at least $1,000 and can run up to $5,000. They are free, however, if you adopt a child who is a ward of the state in foster care. In those situations, the state covers the cost. (For more information on adopting children through the child welfare system, visit Adopt Us Kids, and check Is Foster Parenting Right for You (and Your Family?)
Can We Prepare?
You need to make sure your paperwork is in order, of course, but on a more personal level it can be helpful to take some time to think about (and be able to talk about) how adopting a child will affect your life.

Lubowich recommends reading about raising adopted children and considering the types of challenges you are prepared to take on in parenting an adopted child. "It's helpful for people to do some self-reflection about their views on parenthood and childrearing, and to think about how and why they have those opinions," she says. "In the case of a couple, it's helpful for them to think about places they might agree or disagree in raising children."

And while it's tempting to clean the house from top to bottom and put on your Sunday best before the social worker comes to call, Wojnilower says that's really not what the study is about. "I try to reassure folks that by the time we get past the very beginning stages they can feel comfortable because the requirements are largely objective," he says. "It's not, 'Do I like the furniture in your house, do I like how you dress, do I like your sense of humor?'"

Could the Home Study Findings Prevent Us from Adopting?
In the objective, paperwork department you could encounter setbacks if you have:

an arrest record (not in every caseâ€”Lubowich says it depends upon what type of arrest and how long ago it occurred)
certain issues in your medical or mental health history
a history of financial problems or a troubled financial situation
multiple marriages (one or two previous marriages probably won't hurt your chances but more than that might)
an unstable job history.
Some countries also have rules that might disqualify a particular family, such as parents' ages, how long they've been married, and current or past health problems.

Problems can also arise if the social worker senses any underlying issues that need to be resolved. For example, one spouse might be in favor of adoption while the other is not completely on board. In the case of transracial adoptions, it might become apparent during the home study that there's some discomfort with becoming a transracial family. If infertility has been a factor in the decision to adopt, sometimes one spouse is willing to stop infertility treatments while the other wants to try one more cycle. Wojnilower says that in these kinds of cases, an agency can provide some counseling but it might be necessary for the prospective parents to seek counseling elsewhere before continuing the adoption process.

Where Can I Get More Information?
"Read a lot," says Lubowich. "Find a support system. Talk with people who are a few steps ahead." She recommends contacting organizations like Families with Children from China, which has regional chapters, and Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption. Adoptive Families magazine has a helpful website. Books such as The Family of Adoption: Completely Revised and Updated by Joyce Pavao and A Love Like No Other: Stories from Adoptive Parents by Pamela Kruger and Jill Smolowe will also provide useful perspectives.

To read about the experiences and insight of adoptive parents who have been through the home study process, check out the article Adoption Home Study: Real-Life Stories.

HOWEVER I SUGGEST THAT PEOPLE KEEP IN MIND THAT ALL CHILDREN NEED A HOME AND LOVE. SO GIVE THE PROCESS A CHANCE!!

Children are gifts from God. It doesn't matter whether they are biological children, adopted children, or children born of a surrogate. They are all precious and all are ways to build families.

Like many others who have written here, my husband and I struggled with infertility. Our grand plan for building a family had always been to have one child biologically and adopt a child. When we discovered our infertility problems we went directly to our adoption plan. It was the best decision we ever made.

Most other moms who have written here seemed to have completed domestic adoptions. My husband and I decided to adopt a baby girl from China. We were excited about the prospect and completed our paperwork (the dossier) in record time: about two and a half months. It was sent to the Chinese government and we then waited for our match. Chinese adoptions are very popular in the U.S. for many reasons, most having to do with the straightforward approach of the Chinese government, the relative ease of the procedure (lots of paperwork but no major problems for most people), and the overall reliability of the program. Since many people have applied for adoptions, the wait for the Chinese government to match you with your child can be somewhat long. We waited nine and a half months from the time our paperwork arrived in China, to that magic day when we got "The Call" from our agency telling us we had a baby daughter.

Yue Ling Zhu was just seven-months-old, and waiting for us to come and get her. We received pictures of her, medical reports, nanniesÂ´ reports, and after completing some more paperwork, we flew to China for two weeks to complete the adoption and immigration procedures.

We came home with our precious daughter three days before Christmas in 2000. Rachel Anne LingZhu is now a thriving, precocious three-and-a-half-year old who is the absolute joy of our lives.

I have often said to family and friends that I believe very strongly in fate. Rachel was intended to be our daughter -- she just happened to be born in China. Adoption is an AMAZING experience and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Michelle

--------------------------------------...

The best advice I can give is don't be afraid to adopt! I was very nervous after six years of infertility and IVF treatments. I wondered if I could love this child as my own. How will she be accepted by family and society? Will she be healthy? How will she adapt? I worried through the whole process. We adopted our daughter on April 16, 2003 (her first birthday) from Russia. She is the best thing that ever happened to us and she was meant to be our daughter! Sometimes I find myself forgetting I didn't give birth to her because she fits into our family so well. She is healthy, happy, and the apple of everyone's eye. Three months after we got home I discovered I was pregnant! I am now 34 weeks along, and am having a girl. I used to care so much about getting pregnant; now I am just happy to give my daughter a sibling. I can't imagine loving someone as much as I love her. Interestingly, not only is Samantha's adoption day on April 16 (her birthday), but that is my due date, and my sister is due the same day! That is the type of miracles that bless those who adopt. I hate when people say, "Oh, if you adopt you will get pregnant" because for many that is not the case, but I can tell you that you WILL be blessed in many ways for opening your heart to a child.

Michele Lamb

--------------------------------------...

I am in the process of adopting my 21-month-old foster daughter whom I have had since she was two months old. The adoption date has been delayed a couple times, and the waiting has been very hard. The positive side of it is that she is with me and she is mine, although not legally (yet!). I have a friend who is waiting to adopt a child internationally and has been waiting over a year, while the child is bonding with someone else.

Diane

--------------------------------------...

Please consider all the children out there that are not newborns that need adopting. I was adopted at age 13. It is not a bad thing to want a newborn because we all do, but because I was adopted when I was older it was hard for me to understand why I had to wait and stay in foster care for so long because no one wanted me. My husband and I have considered adopting an older child once we are more stable. It would be a wonderful gift for an older child. Please don't forget about all the older children out there.

Jessica Brown

--------------------------------------...

After a very scary, costly and emotional two years, our daughter's adoption became final. We did everything right. We listened to everything our attorney told us, but that didn't stop the birth father from contesting.

The best advice I can give is no matter what anyone tells you, get the birth father's consent before anything! With the latest and sad news on two children having to be given back to their biological parents (which could have happened to us as well), it is obvious that birth fathers have more rights than in previous years. Don't go down the road we did.

If possible, have both parents sign off right away. I know every state has different laws. California has a thirty-day wait period where the biological parents can change their mindsâ€“however they can also sign right off. Do that if you can! I can't stress enough getting the consent of the birth father.

kristi

noodlesmycat

I can't imagine what your school project is about and if I gather correctly, you are asking different questions?

First, if someone said that the ideal family has two kids, they are foolish. It doesn't work like that.
Second, any homeless child's future is altered for the better if they are adopted and have a loving family and safe home.
Third, millions of people adopt. Some choose not to, some choose to have children and some do not.
Fourth, who is "they"?
Fifth, if "they" equals adoptive parents, "they" do not "always resort to the option if it's their last?
I CHOSE to adopt for many reasons, and one of them is because I couldn't conscientiously bring another child into this over-populated world, when they're are so many children who exist and need a home and family right now.

Gershom, maybe that's your idea that "it's to find the next white infant..." jibberish. You didn't bother answering ORNATEDREAMZ question, at all, just one of your clique members. Once again, I say that it should not have to rest on taxpayers shoulders to pay for the problems that people like you have burdened this planet with. Try being responsible for a change and accepting the consequences of your mistakes. Why can you not care about children and what is best for them? Don't bother answering-it's a rhetorical question. I repeat the ASPCA motto to you: Adopt one until there are none. In your case, along with your gang of anti-adoption zealots, do any and all children a big favor-Stay away from them.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: