"Lucky" and "grateful"?

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

as a person who benefits from using a service animal, i would not "wish" it on anyone. i love her more than anything, except my amom. however.........

it's different to be dependant on a dog for medical purposes, as opposed to having one as a pet, which is purely a choice.

having an arm removed isn't a choice a baby makes, so i would not consider them "lucky" to have a prosthetic, and i would certainly never stoop to telling them they should be "grateful" by any means.

being adopted is also not a choice a baby makes, so stop telling us to be grateful.

PhilM

Hey, it could be worse, they could have lost both arms. Or never had a prosthetic. They should be happy. They need to be "glass-half-full" people, after all. They need to get over it and quit complaining. Amputees with prosthetics ARE lucky and should feel grateful.

Zuko

It's NOT different. It's bull.

Just like it's NOT okay to tell an adoptee they should be happy they weren't aborted or thrown in a dumpster. What a completely stupid idea.

I thank the heavens every doggone day that my a-mum never expected me to be lucky OR grateful and was honest and upfront with me from the beginning. They couldn't have kids so they adopted me. They love me just as much as they would any biological child. But lucky and grateful NEVER entered into the conversation.

And neither did 'dumpster' or 'abortion.'

Isabel A

As a person with personal experience in this area, I can tell you, prosthetic arms don't really replace much. Even the high tech ones don't allow the person to actually FEEL anything.

Hmm...maybe this is a good analogy after all.

Angela R

It REALLY bothers me when people say how lucky my kids are that we adopted them, as I'm sure it will bother them when they are old enough to understand what people are implying. I wouldn't expect my children to be greatful they lost and arm, and got a new one, just as I wouldn't want them to feel they need to be greatful that we adopted them.

I do on the other hand feel extremely lucky to be able to be their mom, and I am very greatful to have them in my life. That's enough for me, I don't need their graditude.

Lori A

I know you have already heard me say this a thousand times but what's one more for the people who haven't heard it.

I don't feel that my daughter should be grateful for anything she got.

I'M the one who is grateful. I'M the one who feels lucky. I'm grateful she got the wonderful life she got instead of what could have happened to her. I feel lucky that she was raised by loving parents who tried very hard to accept that crazy little chick who was always the square peg in the round hole. They never gave up on her and still haven't. She is still their daughter. Crazy,nothing like them, but fun to have around.

I can not express the relief I felt after meeting my daughter and finding out she had so much good in her life. For that I am eternally grateful and feel very lucky.

She on the other hand just feels like one of the family, no more, no less, as it should be.

Freckle Face

Hi Sunny;)

No child should be made to feel lucky or grateful. The child did not ask to be born or adopted. For the most part it was the parents choice to become parents, even more so for aparents.

You wanted the child--you provide for the child, no strings attached.

cathrl69

Actually, I might tell them they were lucky - if they told me that very few people had the chance to have such an arm, or that they had a particularly good model which suited them compared to what some other amputees had - or if I happened to know that luck had been involved, for instance because I knew only ten people had had the chance to have a prosthetic arm at all and all the other amputees had had to do without. I wouldn't tell them they were lucky unless they were telling me the good things about it, though. Telling someone they are lucky to have something that they feel isn't working for them is rude.

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009

LOL at phil and 'adoptlings' !!! never heard that and its funny as hell

I was never ever told how lucky I was to be adopted tho I was told I was lucky to have been adopted by the couple that adopted me (and I am they are the most wonderful, fantastic people in the world)

As others have sd. if it wasnt them, another couple would've stepped up...

Rowan

my adopted parents never made me feel like i should be grateful to them for adopting me. I feel i was lucky that a loving family adopted me AND my twin brother, rather then just taking one or the other. Separating twins is not unheard of when they are given up for adoption, especially when it's a boy/girl set. They figure the twins won't miss what they can't remember.

Looney Tunes

.....this reminds me of the time I was told I should stop complaining and be GRATEFUL that the state (foster care system) raised me because no-one else would.

If we are talking prosthetics....foster kids would be left armless ...they aren't so LUCKY

vmarie84

You must not be adopted. If you were, you wouldn't find Phil's answer so funny.

monkeykitty83

You know, I actually DO know someone who has been without a hand since she was a baby, and who uses a prosthetic. So this question isn't completely hypothetical for me.

I would never tell her (or anyone else) that she's lucky or should be grateful-- whether she feels that way is her decision to make. But I don't think those feelings would be inappropriate, either. Yes, she was very unlucky to have this disability, and she has every right to be angry at her fate if she so chooses. But since she does have the disability and that can't be changed, she's fortunate to have had access to good medical care. She's fortunate to have a family with a thorough understanding of disabilities who have been very supportive of her special needs. She's fortunate her family had enough money to buy her the best prosthetic available. She's fortunate to have been able to find school accommodations that have allowed her to function completely normally in a mainstream classroom. Compared to many amputees in the world, she is in a MUCH better situation (though of course how she reacts to that is personal and individual.)

I'd be willing to bet that the many amputees in Sierra Leone who are receiving prosthetics through charities like Limbs of Hope can see benefits to their prosthetics, too. They aren't obligated to feel lucky or grateful-- but again, if that's how they feel, it's an appropriate reaction to their situation versus the alternatives. Sometimes feeling lucky and grateful isn't coerced at all... it's being realistic.

An adoption should only be done when, like an amputation, it's the only solution available. Healthy tissue shouldn't be amputated, nor should a healthy family.

Adoptees shouldn't be told how to feel. They should be free to express their own emotions, whatever those emotions are. Adoptees have no obligation to feel grateful to their parents to any greater extent than children would to their biological parents; caring for children is the parent's job.

Some people who have a disability will feel that since their disability can't be changed, they are fortunate to have a prosthetic or wheelchair or other type of assistance to improve their quality of life.

Some people who are adopted came from situations where they couldn't stay with their biological families, and that can't be changed. While they will likely still feel loss and I wouldn't expect them to feel thrilled about it, some may see the ways in which they're fortunate, in spite of the situation.

We are ALL fortunate. Not just adoptees and amputees, but everyone. We all have things we could be grateful for. How we choose to feel or process that, though, is individual, and should not be dictated by anyone else.

Jill S.

I'd say they are lucky. If they didn't have it and they were alive during the early days of man, they wouldn't have lasted very long...

I'd be grateful and relieved for THAT. xD

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