"bitterness about the issue of adoption"- is it specific to this country?

Randy B

You have to realize that everyone has a different outlook on the subject of adoption, just as they have different outlooks on many other aspects of life. If you take the time to really look through the questions and comments here you will see that these views, good and bad, are voiced openly and it's up to the reader to look for the information and determine their own outlook on things. I have had nothing but positive experiences with adoptions, both my own and that of two of my children (one from India and one domestically). Those are my personal views based upon my personal experiences and they in no way reflect the views of others around here in the same way that their views do not reflect mine at all.

Lisa

I am sorry that you are discouraged from reading this site. I do think that you can learn from it. The problem with adoptions in America, they are not about the needs of the children. At least in newborn adoptions.

These children are basically sold to the highest infertile bidder. Because a woman can't give birth to her own child, she feels entitled to someone elses.....buy a kid....just like you buy a purse.

In the process, a young vulnerable woman is stripped of her flesh and blood child, lost to her forever. The promise of open adoption is made, to lure the mother in. Open adoptions are not legally enforced. The adoptive parents can slam the door in the first mother's face before the ink is dry on the contract, and they will NOT be reprimanded for it. The first mom will have years of loss and suffering over this greed and entitlement.

The child is stripped of the only thing he(r) wants and needs. His/her mom. He/she is placed in the arms of a stranger that wants to pretend she gave birth. The adoptee is forced to live a LIE. The loss and grief that they have for LIFE is monumental but not acknowledged. They are expected by society to be grateful and happy and are even considered abnormal for wanting to know where and who they came from.

Agencies, Adoptor's and lawyers do not want the public to hear the LOSS, the grief, the sadness, or about the lives torn apart.....because if this gets out.....there will be no more commodity to sell. So they present it to the world as a disney movie.

Mei-Ling

I love my adoptive family and I had an excellent adoption experience. I shouldn't even have to say this, but I am. It is up to you as to whether or not you believe me.

I hate that I had to be taken from one family, culture and language just to gain another.

I gained a family, sure, but don't ALL kids deserve a family? Don't ALL kids deserve to be loved and given a home and loving parents? And for those whose families didn't have the means to support them... what has adoption cost them *emotionally*?

"I thought adoption was a reason for much happiness."

It is. From the ADOPTIVE view. The other side is rarely looked away, frowned up, silenced, or altogether dismissed and people pretend it doesn't exist.

My parents (adoptive ones) loved and continue to love me. Of *course* they loved me. Of *course* they treated me as their daughter. Of *course* they raised me to be a responsible, caring, thoughtful young woman.

But their gain only came at someone else's loss. And that someone else was my mother - the one that I am fortunate enough to be in contact with nowadays. The one that missed me all these years, the one that wanted to hear my voice, the one who didn't even look if I was alive and well and what I looked like.

The one who NEVER stopped missing me and wondering about me.

Even today, she still does.

ETA: Um, did you misunderstand what I was getting at?

"Mei Ling, I would like to add that my cousins and their parents are examples of happy family."

their parents = adopted children
their children = were adopted
Both parents and the children who were adopted are on the *adoptive* side, regardless if they consider their biological families a loss.

Hence adoptive side = considers adoption a win-win

ETA: Forgot to submit my blog links to back me up.

http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/2009/02/06/existence-past-imprint/

http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/2009/01/15/intention-impact-and-consequence/

http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/2009/01/18/one-life-for-another/

http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/2008/12/31/at-what-expense/

mandy

I was adopted and my mom made mwe feel weird. She told everyone about HER kids and how I was adopted. I felt like I didn't belong my whole life. Now had she loved me and treated me like her own and never told me...sure I would have been a happy kid.

kateiskate

There aren't millions of kids around the world who are orphans. Geez talk about an exaggeration. And even in the cases where children are true orphans, it's still best for them to be raised by a biological family member like an aunt or uncle, grandparents, cousin, older sibling, etc.

I was left in an orphanage as an infant. Most of the the reason that women surrender their children in a lot of these countries is not because they died and left their children orphans, but because there is a social stigma against single parenting and the resources to have a safe abortion just aren't available. There is a huge stimga against unwed mothers in countries like India, China, and Korea. These women are often scorned by their families, friends, and society at large. Very few adoptions are of true orphans because more often than not, these kids are relinquished by unwed moms.

Like your adopted cousins I "LOVE" my adoptive family and they "LOVE" me back. Is there some reason why you and others can't wrap your mind around the fact that you can dislike the industry of adoption, dislike corruption and coercion, miss your bio family, mourn your losses and still love your adopted family? The human heart is a complex thing and is capable of feeling all of these things at once. Those of you who doubt the ability to love your adoptive family and still hate adoption, and feel a strong sense of loss are closed minded regarding the human spirit and it's ability to experience complex emotion are basically cavemen living in the dark ages.

cantstopLinnyG

Nope, the bitterness surrounding adoption is a worldwide thing.
I adore my adoptive parents, they are my parents. Ive always known I was adopted, too.
But- I have another family, and I love them, too. So I guess that makes me bitter and ungrateful..because I have the capacity to love more than 2 people??
Your experiences with adoption are limited. Many adoptees do not express the pain from losing their first family until they are middle aged, because of responses from people, responses like, "Are you bitter?" "Are you angry?" "Did your parents not love you...is that why you searched?"

We learn at an early age that adoption talk makes people feel uncomfortable, especially with people who are NOT adopted.

There are NOT "millions of kids around the world in orphanages", lol. If that were the case, "agencies" would not be charging infertile American women upwards of $40,000.00 per child.

Many kids are kidnapped and sold INTO adoption, because these crooks know the kind of money babies bring in.

Educate yourself on International adoption- talk to the adoptees themselves- NOT their parents, or their friends. They can tell you how they feel themselves. I guarantee it will be a different story then what their parents tell you. Why?? Because we're afraid of HURTING our parents.

http://www.youtube.com/user/adoptedthemovie

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opinions/outlook/2009-01-11/adoption/

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/01/09/AR2009010903118.html

http://www.emediawire.com/releases/2004/4/emw117838.htm

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=12185524

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opinions/outlook/2009-01-11/adoption/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27859660

http://www.foreignpolicy.com/story/cms.php?story_id=4508&page=0

Just because a child is available for "adoption" in a foreign country, doesn't make the adoption legal, or moral.

Emily D

Don't let some of the people here discourage you. I was adopted when I was two days old and I will always believe it was the best thing that could have happened for me.

There are, unfortunately, women and girls who are tricked or forced into giving up their babies by family members or agencies, but I'm not convinced this is the norm. In my case, my birth mother wasn't a bad person or raped or a teenager. She didn't have anything, was unmarried, and had to take care of her mother. On top of that, her brother was abusive and she didn't want a child in that situation. I know the doctor who delivered me in the hospital. He remained my doctor until I was 13 and is still my daddy's doctor. He and the social worker told my parents that she wanted him to find her daughter a good home and didn't want to deal with an adoption agency.

Of course I think a lot of the more bitter people on here are the ones who weren't told they were adopted and found out by accident later in life. My parents have always been open about the fact that I'm adopted. I think that's one of the reasons that I'm so well adjusted with it. The social worker told my mom things about my birthmother that my mom has passed along to me through the years. For instance, I've always loved books and when I was really young I would be reading something and Mom would just smile at me and say "the social worker once told me while she was here that your birthmother loved to read too." I think it was the little things like that that let me know that it was okay to be adopted and just because that I was adopted, didn't mean they loved me any less.

I started letting some of the people here get to me. It made me feel guilty for loving my parents. I won't say adopted parents, because they're the only real parents I have. That's not to say either that I don't love the woman who gave me life and a chance to have the life that I've lived. I say a special prayer for her every day on my birthday. I know that what she did had to have been extremely hard and she probably still thinks about me today.

So please, don't go thinking everyone who was adopted is bitter. I for one feel that God gave me to my parents just as He gives children to parents naturally. He just had to go one extra step to get me into their arms!

work51805

well i guess the only thing i can see wrong with overseas adoption is we have alot of kids here in the us that need our help and if people want to adopt out of this country than who is going to take care of our kids but i can see if you wanted to adopt a girl/boy from india because of your origin i don't think that would be a bad thing

red elephants

One thing to remember is that there are actually a very small number of people in this "forum". They represent themselves but not all adoptees as a whole.

Similar to you all of my personal first hand knowledge with those adopted, who adopted or relinquished has been far from what is posted on here. All are very much at peace with their adoptions, happy and very bonded with their parents/siblings/etc.

You often find extremes on website forums and such like this. Those who are very passionate about an issue, feel very negative about it or positive about it.

Many APs in the US absolutely adore their children. I have friends who have adopted internationally and from foster care and they are all over the moon about their children and their kids very well adjusted and bonded. Take this site for what its worth but don't let it diminish what you have experienced or hope to do in the future.

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