to the people who have pain from adoption?

DevonChaos

Yes, althought I always felt this had to be a shameful, wrong thing. I feel much better knowing that others have shared this pain, and that I can fully own this feeling.

ETA: The time(s) that it hit me most was when I had just given birth. I would hold my baby and look into their eyes and wonder how the hell anyone can give up a child. It was supposed to be such a joyous time, but part of me was locked away in mourning.

Carol c

I've had pain since the day they took my baby away telling me I was too young to keepl him. Not a day went by that I didn't think of him.

Mom to Foster Children

My son misses his mommy everyday!

SJM

I don't know that I would call it pain. That would be too close to admitting emotional frailty, and that's not my thing. It wasn't a sudden thing for me, though. I've never been happy about being adopted. I never detached from my mother. I never gave up on my natural family. I never tried to replace them. I never quit thinking of myself as anything other an extension of them. I just lived in limbo for 21 years.

Cambria

Both my amom and I agree, it really hit at about 10 years old. I always knew I was adopted, but that is about the age that both she and I trace the real shift in my life to. I don't really know why, but I do know that about 10 is when things suddenly became difficult and that was the age when adoption issues took front stage.

tiffany<3

I always felt like there was something missing. I missed that thing even though I didn't really know who or what it was. It killed me because that thing I now know after meeting her was my bio mother & family. It hit me a lot when I got pregnant, the hardest when I had him and 8 month PP. I was the same age as her, my due date was 4 days later than hers was when she was pregnant with me. My son was born the day before my 19th birthday. She kept me around for 8 months, then just gave me away. When my son turned 8 months old I was just sitting thinking how much I love him & everything he does, and hearing his laughs. How sweet it is to me that he cries if I walk out of the room, and how happy he is when he sees me come back. I just don't get how she could have looked at me and said 'oh well tried my best here's your new family! I'm giving up'. I'm sure she didn't say that, but you catch my drift. Nothing, absolutely NOTHING would stop me from being around my son. He is my absolute world and I would give my life up in a heartbeat for him. I don't see how she could look at me and not want me in her life. It definitely reinforced the whole 'its my fault theirs something wrong with me' thinking I've had since as long as I can remember.

Pip

I have suffered pain from the day my son was born and will live with it till the day I die. Nothing can take it away including reunion which actually made it worse.

violinmemories

My mom and dad never sat down and pointed out that I was adopted...I've always known since day one, it was part of my vocabulary.

Does it hurt that I'm adopted - not really. I have a better life than I did had I not been adopted. But I will say that I will always "mourn" for my birth parents since I know nothing about my Colombian background, the reason for adoption.

There are moments when I think about it more than others - my birthday, the night my dad died, my graduation from high school and college. It's moments like this when I wonder if my birth parents think of me, would I have achieved this status had I not been placed for adoption? The night my dad died - I wondered if my birth parents were still living, or had they also died. The night of my birthday - I wonder if my birth mother was in labor - was it difficult, was my birth father there too?

Mourning for them is not the same as mourning for a relative that has passed away. In some ways it is - but in many ways it's different. No matter how old you were when you were adopted - you're always missing something in your life - especially if your an international adoptee, your mourning a way of life, a missing language, a culture, your heritage, and even your ethnic background. Your mourning for the bond between you and your birth parents. This is something that not everyone can understand - even your parents don't totally understand it (at least mine don't); they can't understand why when things happen in your own birth country how it affects you, why you get so emotional seeing natural disasters, kidnappings, etc..but you learn to deal with it and move on.

Matt

Good Question....... Yes, I have felt the same way as far back as I can remember! I was 5 yrs old when my adopted Mom told me I was adopted and I remember that day like it was yesterday... When she told me, I wasn't surprised at all, It kinda made sense to me.....
I wasn't happy growing up, I didn't like the fact that I was given away by my birth mother, I thought about my birth family all of the time, but I kept all of that to my self, I didn't want to cause any problems........
I was put up for adoption the day I was born, and I still was thinking about my birth family....
The only thing that adoption has taught me is that you can only count on yourself and not to trust anyone!
I'm 36 yrs old now, and I am still a lost soul! I don't know where I came from, or where I belong in life... I don't know how to be happy, I don't know what that means. People say that life is precious, and that you should live every day to its fullest....... That might be true for them, but for me, life is punishment. I don't know why I am here, or even why I was born.
I have given up on life already! Im just tired of trying to make myself happy! Im in a very dark place! I have been for many years now.....
Adoption plays a big part in the way I feel........... That and many years later having my adopted family turn their backs on me....... Ive been on my own since I was 16 years old.... I am numb... I have no feelings , I show no emotion, I don't smile...... All I do is go to work, come home and lift weights, eat dinner and go to sleep. That's my life! And on the weekends I lift weights and watch t.v. . Sounds like fun, don't it!
I like being alone, besides work and when I have to go shopping I am by my self. All of the hate and rage I have consumes me... Anyways.... To answer your question....... I have known as far back as I can remember....

Speaking for my brother who was adopted at birth. He said he didn't miss his birth family. They gave him a gift and he was glad of it and he knew who he was

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: