I Need A JOB( Coment)?

I NEED A JOB

I will be available in January 2009, and I am willing to relocate.

RESUME: GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520

LAW ENFORCEMENT:

* I was arrested in Kennebunkport , Maine , in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I plead guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been 'lost' and is not available.

MILITARY:

* I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam .

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

* I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

* I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
* I began my career in the oil business in Midland , Texas , in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas . The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
* I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.
* With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas .

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS :

* I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union . During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America .
* I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
* I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.
* With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida , and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President of the United States , after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

* I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
* I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.
* I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
* I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
* I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
* I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
* I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.
* In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues.
* I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My 'poorest millionaire, 'Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
* I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. I am the all-time U.S. and world record -holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations. My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history, Enron.
* My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.
* I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.
* More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.
* I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed..
* I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
* I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
* I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any President in U.S. history.
* I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States Government.
* I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
* I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
* I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
* I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. 'prisoners of war' detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
* I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US election).
* I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
* I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period.
* After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. h