My boyfriend, soon to be fiance, is coming home from Baghdad in a short time....?

Cleo

During the time you have been apart, you both have had different experiences. He has seen death and lived in fear and bondage. He has learned his root beliefs. He longs to get back to "normal" but his experience will stay with him all his life and effect his whole outlook.
Give him room to work out the transition. Support him but don't coddle him. Be honest but gentle. Try to get him to talk. He will talk mantalk. Be patient. He has lived in fear that he doesn't fully understand. Tolerate his mantalk until he realizes that you don't understand it.
Talk to him, not at him. Get him interested in normal activities, maybe hobbies that he used to pursue.
You have asked a very astute question. You are on the right track to be concerned about the differences. You obviously care for him very much. Be patient and you will grow together. May God bless you both.

David

Try putting the question under military

usedup

I"m a medic, and i'm in iraq. it can get tough and at times we're distant from our family when we just want to hold them close. Expect that your boyfriend has changed. KNOW that he has changed. you need to be patient to see these changes no matter how much you think he is the same.
Not to be rude, if you haven't been to iraq you will not understand what he's gone through. the best you can do is offer an ear. he may not want to talk to you about it, sometimes there better off talking to one of their buddies. You should still let him know that you are there for him.
Post traumatic stress disorder is very common. Usual symptoms are anxiety, flashbacks, phobias of certian places, sleeping problems, irritability, etc. In my experiences, PTSD is best left to the professionals. Dont try to diagnose him as soon as he gets back, but if these symptoms last 4-6 months or more, suggest help. for him being a soldier, the best route is Combat Stress Control (CSC). if he's refussing, but you know he's having serious problems, talk with his friends. After deploying with some people, there more family than anyone you've ever had, they become your brothers and sisters. THey are more likely to understand and help, then brush it off. if you ever have any questions (like the one above) i would suggest you go to a military chaplain. they would be the ones to give the best answer. (trust me, this is from my experience)

***Patience will be your most important tool. Just dont be distant. Or private. Trust him like you want him to trust you***

I wish you both the best.

Theodore Macmahon

Just be supportive, IM going to give you a site to look at, it has a lot of the answers your looking for, Some soldiers have nightmares, some will panic at a car back firing. There is no way to tell what will become of any of the amen and women returning from the war. Being a Vet of the Vietnam Era, i suffered from depression, and even for the last ten years to this day have required medication. All this stemming from a conflict that never was called a war. At least these soldiers today are greeted with pride as they come home, In 60's to the mid 70's the soldiers that came home were not even greeted, except their own family. Try to give your guy the best welcome home, have a big BBQ, or gathering. Make banners, make him proud of the fact he was one of the lucky. Here is the site i suggest to you: http://www.myhealth.va.gov/

Setsuna

Be a good friend and listener. Allow the person to talk, but don't ask too many questions about their experiences. If they decide to talk about their experiences, listen actively and non-judgmentally.

Watch for signs of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD). Look for flashbacks, nightmares, avoidance behaviors, phobias, hyper arousal, sleep problems, irritability, poor concentration, blackouts, poor memory and startle reaction. If you suspect PTSD, contact the National Center for PTSD at (802) 296-6300.

Encourage the veteran to contact the local VA Medical Center for medical assistance if needed. Call the Veterans Administration at (877) 222-8387 to identify your local VA office

Go to the website for the Iraq War Veterans Association, Inc. Find resources on employment, education, family support and giveaways

Sara

Just let him know that you are there to listen if he needs you, but don't bug him about it. My father was in Vietnam and it was basically and unwritten rule that we DID NOT talk about it. On rare occasionally he would make a comment about being there but we never pursued the conversation just listened.

Heli12345

You have to tell him that you are there for him, no matter what. Tell him that he can talk to you about anything, no matter what it is.

coutouly

the first time my stepson came home from Iraq he was leery of public places and he was moody. Since returning from Iraq the second time, she says he has even been rude to his best friend which is so out of character for him.

It is hard to know just how each person will react as each person there has had very different experiences. My stepson is EOD (aka military bomb squad). He was fortunate to drive around in a well armored vehicle and drove over more than one bomb not even realizing it. The first trip he lost a team member to a car bomb.

A person having PTSD, may re-experience the traumatic event or intrusion in several ways:
Intrusive memories of the traumatic event Bad dreams about the traumatic event Flashbacks or a sense of reliving the event Feelings of intense distress when reminded of the trauma Physiological stress response to reminders of the event (pounding heart, rapid breathing, nausea, muscle tension, sweating) The best thing you can do is let him know you are there to listen if he does want to talk
To hold him and remind him that you love him
To understand and not take it personally if he gets agitated easily
If he does have problems going out in public break him in slowly. Short trips to not so crowded places to start.
And if his symptoms are effecting his ability to function convince him to seek out a counselor to discuss them with.

PTSD is a very real problem not only for soldiers returning home but for victims of abuse. My own partner has PTSD from a lifetime of abuse from her parents and her exhusband. I live with the effects and even though we have been together for over 6 years now I still find things that remind her of her abuse and cause surprising reactions. I just hold her and tell her that everything is ok and reassure her that I will never hurt her.

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