Are we doing the right thing? A law enforcement perspective would be appreciated.?

R b

Please read this one, You are asoulutely doing the right thing. I got arrested two times when i was 16, the first time my friend bailed me out..the second time he wouldnt and neither would my parents. I spent 10 days in the county jail(I was an emancipated minor..therefore no juvenille jail) and to be honest, it was the probably the best thing that anyone could have made me suffer through, it was SO bad in there, that I NEVER wanted to go back, and NEVER have! It completely changed my life, I am now married, 10 years, with a family and I am very close(about 14 weeks away) to completing my degree in criminal justice and will soon be a police officer. If I had been bailed out again, I probably would have just gotten into trouble yet again, instead, I turned my life around. Not saying that it will work in your situation, but, it sure scared the crap out of me enough to straighten up my act!

hillcr222

If you post his bail, it is most certain that he will go right back to doing what he did to get in jail. Leave him be, and hope that the court orders a treatment program for him.

InReality01

Of course your doing the right thing.

He will never learn unless he has to pay the price himself for his deeds. He needs to do the time, pay the bail, pay the restitution and whatever else comes of it. If he doesn't then he is not learning anything and he is not being punished.

It is better for him to learn these lessons now then later in life. Fostering bad behavior and letting him have no consequences for his actions now will simply lead to more of the same or even worse behavior in the future.

Also, the conditions in most jails are not that bad. I'm sure he will make it seem as bad as possible because he wants people to feel sorry for him and help him. He is unable to do what he wants & when he wants to in jail. He is unable to do drugs, etc. He wants out because he has no control. Do not listen to him.

You are doing the right thing by making him responsible for his own actions, just as you would if he was 10 years old and did something. You sould punish him for it, now society is taking on that roll.

Good luck in the future and I hope he is able to turn his life around.

Sentinel

Advice here is hit and miss. I am glad to hear that he turned him self in, this shows me he will accept help. I don't know what state you are in but at lease in Maryland it's not as bad as it is in the movies. I even eat the food.
I told my daughter that if she was locked up I would not bond her out. She would at least stay long enough to have her hearing and maybe the bond would come down or she could get PBJ'ed.
My daughter has issues but not drugs, you are in an area where your step son needs help like yesterday. Talk to the states atty. about treatment programs and call the jail and see what programs they may have, and then talk to your step son about what you are doing and why. It's important that you communicate with him and he understands that your actions are because you love and care about him. (He will have to admit he has a problem)
If family turns there back on him and just bonds him out without some intervention he will do it again.
If my daughter had a drug issue she would get help not a bond, that's just my opinion especially for first time offenders.

Good Luck

CAT^

You shouldn't feel guilty. By not posting his bail, you're already helping him in the process of recovery. And the horrible conditions...the places he smoked and bought Meth were more dangerous than county jail. You know in your heart that if you bailed him out, you wouldn't see him for days. It's tough, but you are doing the right thing.

theonlytufrose

I work in law enforcement. You would not believe how many of the same people we see in and out of jail on a weekly basis. Usually the same ones over and over. Their parents come and bond them out right away because they feel sorry for them having to stay in that "cell". What they don't understand is that if more of them had to spend a little more time behind bars it would make them think about doing something again and having to come back and spend more time there. While he is incarcerated, he is not out doing drugs or stealing. He has a roof over his head, three meals a day and a bed to sleep on. You know where he is 24 - 7. Let him sit until he goes to court. Be there when he goes to court and if you can ask the judge to sentence him to a rehab. as part of his probation.
More parents should do this in my opinion. Maybe we wouldn't have so many "frequent flyer's".

DIANE V

Because I don't his personality or demeanor, advising you can only be from my experiences. Tuff love is what I wish my family had tried in my youth. Keeping him in jail is hopefully sending him a signal that you or society will not tolerate his behavior, but your visitations are letting him know you still love and care for him. If he accepts that he does have a drug problem, then he should want to seek counseling and not be forced by the courts. If he is in denial (very typical), then he will be forced by the court to get counseling. Unfortunately, addiction has to run it's course and he is the only one that can change this behavior, but he must want to. Explain that you will support him with all efforts he sincerely makes based on his outlining a course of actions and that if he deviates from his outline, all bets are off. Your (and he) could be in for a long term rehab, but this all depends on him. He is now experiencing and learning from the reality of his behavior and I pray for his well being. I hope he understands that you know addictions are a long and painful way to lose a loved one.
I sincerely wish your family the best.

Chewy's Mom

If I was a gambling woman, I would bet he'll go back downtown and miss his court date. They just don't think straight.

mrsdeli

You are doing the right thing. The only way he will stay clean is to be in jail. The only way he will go to rehab is if he is court ordered. If he doesn't follow the court order...back he goes. As for what he has to endure in jail.....he should have thought about that before he started stealing from you. Don't feel guilty. Be supportive, be compassionate, but do not bail him out. 25 days is not a long time, the meth is barely out of his system. He's still jonesing the meth. If he gets bailed out he will never do the right thing.

Be strong!!

Kevy

Let him sit in jail. He needs to realize that what he did is not ok. And probation and a drug treatment program don't work quite as well as a kick in the pants jail stay

Magic 8 Ball: The Witch is In

Tough love is tough. He will thank you in ten years.

Daybreak

It's tough but you are doing the right thing. The drugs will be very tempting for him if you bail him out now. Let him face the consequences and learn you will not and cannot bail him out. This may very well be the turning point in his life where he realizes he wants more than where the drugs will lead. If you just bail him out, he may not have time to reach that point.

tan0301

He is still very young and has a lot of life left in front of him... I watched my cousin and there family go through this same thing. They constantly bailed him out and helped him out of trouble, which meant he was never held responsible for his actions. As soon as they bailed him out, right back into he got again and of course over the years what he was doing got more serious and it got to the point where they couldn't play the "get out of jail free card" and he had to serve time.. as soon as he was free.. right back at it. He has been in and out of trouble since he was 15... he is now in his mid 40's.. he will never be a productive member of society. I honestly believe in my heart that if they had made him responsible early on, things may have turned out differently. You need to support him and love him, but you need to stand strong and let him take the punishment.

sheldonthinks

I'm not a qualified professional, but I think you are doing exactly the right thing.

hmmmmm

Tough love hun. Let him stay and clean up his system from drugs. The time in jail may help him rehabilitate both his drug problem and stealing.

My opinion is you're doing the right thing. However, in all sincerity, I suggest that you speak with the counselor at the jail.
Without any other knowledge of such a case, giving advice in this situation from a forum like this is unwise as well as unsafe.
Best of luck.

This young man needs some real emotional support along with a reality check! Someone or something is causing him
this disorder in his life. I would suggest a very intense physical exam to see if something is amiss physically, aside from his meth and other drugs you refer to! Some one can reach this young man, however it may take some doing to find that person. Good Luck!

schurz04

A life of drug use will only result in more jail time and more crime. The addicts generally will commit more and more crime to support their habit. IF hes crying about how bad jail is, then maybe hell wake up and realize that it isnt where he needs to be. I see a very real possibility of him splitting, as the statistics are very high for that happening. This is your chance to make a change in his life. Youre absolutely doing the right thing.

Leave him where he is. The problem is that you and his family will enable him to continue his habit if you bail him out.

HE got himself into the situation because of reckless behavior and stealing. Leave him there until the court makes a decision...it's probably the best thing that you can do for him.

prahlad d

I think u should keep him in jail only because court will help him 4 rehab,which will b difficult 4 u people as he will not listen to u if he will come out,than he will mix with all his old friends and repeat what he was doing with his friends prior to going to jail.

Im Shell

I absolutely agree with what you are doing!! Two thumbs up for sticking to your guns!

As hard as it is for him - and for you - it is MUCH easier to deal with the next few months now, than it will be next time, or the time after that - or going to the morgue to ID his body!

Let him feel the full weight of the consequenses now - and pray that it is enough to get him out of that lifestyle!

I also admire that you, his father, and his mother are all working together to do what is right for him! That is incredibly hard - and equally as rare!!

Good luck!

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: