How does a policeman tell a parent?

California Street Cop

In my department we do not make death notifications. That unsavory task belongs to the coroners office.

If someone is hurt, we just make a call and let them know whats going on. We don't have protocol, we just wing it.

Citicop

News like that is simply too big to process in one clump.

You cannot just tell someone when they answer the door, "Your daughter is dead."

We are trained to do it in small stages that people can process.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but there's been an accident."
"Your daughter was hurt very badly"
"I'm sorry ma'am. The doctors did everything they could, but she didn't make it."

This gives the person an opportunity to process each stage and prevents one cruel blow.

However it isn't uncommon for them to get it all the way from stage one. Once the police show up and tell you there's been an accident, some people automatically respond with something like, "It's Denise. She's dead, isn't she?" At that point, you tell them, because dragging it out no longer has a purpose.

Death notifications are some of my least favorite things about my job.

fighter_pilot1

Well, here's an example:
The cops would call or stop by the house to notify the parent that the child was in an accident and that they are at the local hospital (call it what u want). OR, if they died, the cops would come by and notify them..."Ma'am/sir, your son/daughter has been in an accident." "Are they okay!? What happened? " (the cop could either tell them they've been in a head on collision, etc.) "They've been in a head on collision." Where are they?" Cop takes parent aside "Ma'am/sir, I'm very sorry, but they didn't make it."

*Amanda Leigh*

They would most times show up at the house for safety purposes and tell them. It's a horrible thing to notify someone over the phone, but sometimes they will do it. Like if it is in another city or state. But most times they will show up at the residence to pay their respects and inform the family of their loss.

There is many ways that you can go about it. It all depends on how you want it in your book.

good luck by the way. i am currently writing a book just because i want to and i am just at a stand still.

woaairock

well if their kid was killed like murdered they would normally bringthe parents down to the station and tell them what they knew so far and then question the parents. if they were hurt in just an accident that wasn't caused by alchol than the hospital would call them.

killert_dawg

Here we send 2 deputys out to the house and contact them and usually I say " mrs/mr ______ you son/daughter was involed in a car crash" they usually know just by the tone of voice that it is not a good sign. every LEo does if a little bit differant.

reecpeec

Everyone gave great examples. Have you thought about calling your local police department and asking them how they handle situations like this? Since it's for your school and in your town, knowing how proceedures work in your community would make your writing a bit more authentic. Good luck!

ORB

my brother died in another city , the police called the house and told my parents to come down to the hospital and they told them what happened once they got to the hospital

weapon_30

Its not easy, I had to do it several times.

1. You always go to their residence, notification is never over the phone. At least 2 officers will respond, you never make a death notification alone.

2. If possible, have a female officer present. In case the mother of the victim has a break down or needs help studies have shown they feel more comforted by a female officer. If one is not available, then do your best to assist.

3. First ask if they have a son/daughter by the name of __________ give victims name)

4. They usually answer with either is he/ she alright? or What did he/she do?

5. Then you would say, Sir/Ma'am.......your son/daughter has been involved in an accident. I am sorry to tell you that they did not survive. And that you are very sorry for their loss

at this point its usually crazy.......let them react ..they might feel anger towards you, let them..... dont argue with them.... After they are able to regain some composure,:

6. ask if their is anyone you can call for them, if so call them and explain who and where you are and that Mr/Mrs. so and so need you to come to their house. They might want to talk to the parents, let them

7. Do anything you can to comfort the parents and do not leave until another family member, friend or relative arrives.

8. Again, let them know you are sorry for their loss and ask if there is anything else they need before you leave. Always give them your name and a phone number they can reach you at in case they need to ask you anything after you leave.

rjrmpk

Many police have arrangements with hospitals and grief counselors. Our department would usually take the parent to the hospital where the deceased was by saying that there had been an accident; then the doctors and nurses would take over.

Tough one is when out of state police agency contacts the parents' home town police agency with a request that the bad news be delivered.

The police haters will NEVER understand how tough the job really is.

ashleybluez

If you watch law and order and that type of show it tells you.

sillyme:-)

Police Forums & Law Enforcement Forums @ Officer.com > Officers and Law Enforcement Professionals ONLY > Rookie Corner > My first critical accident scene.
http://forums.officer.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-28201.html

Is My Daddy Dead?
Helping children of officers cope with trauma
http://officer.com/article/article.jsp?siteSection=17&id=35604

Woman who lost officer husband in '98 says group ready to lend support
http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2006/Feb-03-Fri-2006/news/5678968.html

CopShock - Author InterviewThe book describes how police officers cope with trauma. ... It explains to family members what is happening to their loved ones so family can become a
http://www.copshock.com/qa.html

Police Stress:
Learning Through Experience, Research and Observation
http://www.focusanthro.org/archive/2003-2004/Cook.pdf

C'est Moi

there would be like 3 police men at the door. They would ring the doorbell and when the parents open the door, they willÂ´get the worried feeling an their heart would beat faster. The parents would seat the police men down on the couch, ask if they want some tea or something to drink. And then they will say something like: "I am sorry to say that...." *Pause* "Unfortunatley your child has died."

Something like that! xD I hope it helped!! Good luck with your book thing!

Victoria V

police "sir i am sorry to inform you but your child has been in an accident." all serious.
parent "OMFG!!!" LOL JK

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