My 15yr old son was just arrested with marijuana. the police have released him to me and i am furious.?

Ross V

That kid is going to be quite messed up when he's 25. Better back off or your going to have a drunk/drug addict kid. It's just pot not that big of a deal. If you continue to treat him this way he will turn out the way you don't want him to. You never screwed up as a kid??

Frogman

I am pleased that you and your husband show an interest in everything your child does and I do the same thing with my own children. Most parents these days don't feel that way and that is why kids are they way they are.

As far as punishment goes, leave that part up to the courts. The boy has acted like an adult and now he'll see what it's like to be treated like one. Instead of disciplining him for HAVING the dope, I would investigate WHY he had the dope to begin with. THEREIN lies the problem.

LORI

Kids rebel. They try drugs. Thats what happens. It sounds like you are doing a good job as a parent, sometimes kids just mess up a lot. I would say to wait a little while until you're calmer to figure out his exact punishment.

The problem when parents are tooo strict is that the kid can become even worse and more defiant of the rules. So try to come up with a very concrete punishment- with consequences for his bad actions obviously. But also give him specific things that he has to do in order to regain privileges. Like- he has to do x, y, z for a period of time and he can have this back, etc. If you just say something like- thats it, grounded forever, no fun till you're 18 then he won't have any goals or rewards to look forward to, so there is no reason to do things right. So give him some specific ways to improve himself that will also give him some hope that he can eventually get out and have friends (new ones I hope) and all that if he behaves himself.

TURANDOT

Welcome to the world of parenting in the American society.

In one more year, he could run away from your restictions, leave the house without permission, and the cops will not bother looking for him because kids that age choose to act that way and keep safe.

Out of rebellion, he could even go truant and drop out. In my state, juvenile matters does not intervene unless he is involved in criminal activity too.

They have been so empowered that if he continues to act like this, you have no right to kick him out and lock the door or you will be endangering him. He should be free to come home, shower, eat, and head back out at will, until he comes of age.

What do you do, then? You try counseling. You try the "textbook parenting" rewards system for good behavior. But most important, you learn to love unconditionally even when he is making mistakes and hurting you. And you learn to hope that this phase clears out soon, and he comes out alive and well. he is just growing up in this society and now is the time to put all you taught him into practice. You get counseling for yourself too, when his actions and choices drag you too much into despair. You need to make it out of this in one piece, not letting your relationships and job suffer for the actions of your child

Good luck, from the bottom of my heart.

viciousvince2001

You are NOT the first parent to face this. First of all, you have just found out, so you need some time to calm down. Do I presume that neither you nor your husband have ever done drugs of any kind? Or at least, that you have none in your house, and your son has never seen you doing them? OK, if that's established, then you need to address the situation with calmness. It's not the end of the world or the end of your son's potential for having a good life. Well over half of all kids try some drug before they get out of high school. (If we include alcohol as a drug, the number is even higher.) Kids do drugs for many reasons, but the one most common reason is to fit in with other kids who do them. Has your son changed friends recently? His new friends are probably the reason he is doing them, and his source for the drugs themselves.

The first thing to do is make sure there are no more drugs in the house. Did the police search his room? If they didn't, you should. Next, you should ask your son where he got the marijuana. If he won't tell you, you have a big problem. If he's still speaking with you, you have gained something. You need to forbid him to see those friends again. If this means a change in school, do it.

As for punishment, he should be monitored closely, required to get home from school promptly and then stay in, doing his schoolwork and seeing or talking with only the friends you allow. He should be kept in on Friday and Saturday nights until you can trust him again. When he is allowed to go out again, he should be required to check in with you by phone frequently. Actually, this isn't a punishment, it's prevention of future trouble.

sublimekindalife

Well, if he wants to blame his friends, go with that. No more friends! He clearly can't judge which people make good friends, therefore he shouldn't be permitted to have associates.

His actions results in consequences... lost priviledges (no more going out unattended), lost privacy (keep checking his stuff and his room), and more discipline. Demand high standards AND expect results, don't let him BS his way through life or he will learn how to manipulate people.

It sounds to me like you're a fed-up parents whose given this kid everything they've got. I really commend you for taking all these measure to try to straighten him out. I know it feels like a losing battle, but don't give in. If you give up on him, he will NEVER change.

If it were me, I'd speak to his counselors at his school and get their advice. I'd consider asking the judge for the strictest punishment for the crime... he must learn that NO ONE is going to give him "breaks" in life, and he screws up, it's all on him.

Parenting hurts... but if you give in or go easy on him for these infractions, your son will be paying the price when he's an adult and you CAN'T help him anymore.

Good luck to you... and try to spend some extra time with the two younger ones. My sister was the trouble-maker in our home, and my other sister and I got neglected since all of our parent's focus and energy were spent trying to straighten her out. They'll be fine, but just remember to tell them that you love them too, but their brother needs extra help right now.

Your son is not really naive (he's old enough to know what's right and wrong), he's just a senseless teenager who doesn't quite "get it". Keep it up though, I'm sure one day it'll all hit him in the head and he'll grasp what effort you and your husband have put into him.

Let him know how proud you were when he was excelling in his new environment, and what a disappointment this is to you. Perhaps by explaining that his bad judgement will result in major setbacks in the relationship he has with his family, maybe he will understand what is means to be accountable to those who care for him.

tjadam2

Are you kidding!!!! I can't believe some of the responses you have got so far. "It's only pot", "At least it's not crack"...ect. Absolutely ridculous. Every person that I arrest and know has a MAJOR drug problem, I ask them if they have used marijuana. They always....ALWAYS answer yes. I am not saying every person who uses marijuana will move on to harder drugs, but this is your child and I would be scared to death if my child was using pot. It truly is a "gateway" drug.

The courts will do their part and most likely give him some drug counseling along with some family counseling. As far as your role, I would take everything away from him that YOU own. Remember, he doesn't own anything, you do. Kids tend to shift blame because they know no responsibility because parents haven't given it to them.

Slowly, the kid can earn back things.....like CD's....DVD's....XBOX...Car...whatever. But as soon as he has a relapse... take it away. By relapse, I mean, tells you he was going to be home at 3pm and he came home at 3:30. Your kid doesn't know where the boundries are at and that is your fault. You have to be strict as heck and not move from your establised boundries. If he doesn't like it, then it might get worse, but eventually he will come back for help and he must follow the same rules when that happens. It's tough as a parent, but you have to be tough.

foxychick

oh.......my........gosh......i'm praying 4 you and your son

RedMan

I understand what you are trying to do with your son but it sounds like you may be a little overbearing. Kids think different as adults, you should know this you were one before too. Most of the time when you are very strict on a child their thought is that they want to rebel. If they never have the chance to do anything they will be a lot more curious as to what life is like on the outside world. Have you taught your son that drugs are bad or did you let the Leadership Academy do it? Your children love you more than you think and shipping them away is not the answer. Love them more and don't be so hard on them and ship them away when you have problems.

Sage

What?

gomanyes562

He needs your love and support right now. Explain to him how you feel and how he has betrayed your trust in him, and talk to him about what he should do differently in the future. Leave the punishment to the judge.

americanfreeman

Go to Alanon. Not for him, but for. You will learn how to deal the a family member with Drug/alcohol problems.

For him, it will be hard. They don't think anything bad will happen. Make him go to a few NA meetings if you can oor Alateen.

noonez

at least it wasn't crack.

Bob M

A punishment to fit the crime? The problem isn't the drugs, its the laws. Ship him to Amsterdam, where he'll be free to smoke as much pot as he wants.

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