Was I right to call 911 on my boyfriend?

We have been together for over three years. We had an incident a couple years ago where he got violent and grabbed me by the neck and threw me across the room so I called the police and he was arrested. Since then I have always told him I would definitely call the police if he did anything physical to me ever again. He got his charge knocked down to a disorderly conduct because he has a clean record and he does not want to ever go back to jail, so he's been good ever since. But, I know there have been times he has wanted to get violent but didn't because he knows the consequences now. Saturday, he argued for about three hours and finally he got very angry and closed the windows, locked the front door, took my car keys and told me to give him my phone because he didn't care if he went to jail he was going to beat the @#$ out of me. I acted like I didn't believe him and and tried to make light of the situation but he insisted so I called 911. The police came and talked to us, he denied saying anything, I talked to them about my situation and they left. He is angry with me because he said he was just joking and trying to get a "rise" out of me and I went too far calling 911. He said I overreacted and that is not what 911 is for. He's also worried that getting the police involved in our lives will get children's services involved since we have a 2 year old together. But, nothing happened. I did what I felt was right. The police just took a report and said if I wanted to pursue anything else I had to go to the prosecuting attorney and try to do something. Other than that they just left and told him to leave for the night and cool down. Don't blast me for living with a violent man, like I said, he isn't abusive, if he was I would not be with him. He's moody at times, he just got laid off and he's under a lot of stress. I'm not making excuses, I'm just giving you an idea of his situation. Opinions?
Additional Details
I have no reason to make any of this up. This is what exactly happened.

Mister2-15-2

From little you told he does not seem to fit pattern of physical abuser. They hit first talk second. You both may profit from getting to know what is going on between you. You may have a honeymooners relationship where you both like pulling each others chains. You were correct to call 911 first time, but second time a cool down period may have been more effective. Look at last blow up like it was on video tape in our mind and look to see if you can identify who has the problem and were is it coming from. best of luck. What Ben answered is very powerful.

Lela A

anger that is an act of violence..only gets worse over time..if he is willing to get some professional intervention..anger management classes..other wise consider leaving him..as domestic violence issues only increase over time and you end up getting more physically assaulted..is that worth it...abuse is wrong..you need to seek professional counseling for support.

Benji

You are living with a time bomb. Only problem is, you don't know when it's going to go off.
When it does go off, you could end up very, very dead.
What do you think I recommend?
Get out of this relationship as soon as you can, and as safely as you can, because - more than likely - this is the kind of guy that won't obey a restraining order.
Good luck.

AgriCult

Uh.. your bf is probably mentally ill. You do need to leave him in the long run as you have said, this is a pattern behavior. He becomes very insistent that you do what he wants, this is a dangerous mindstate and idle threats should be taken seriously. You were right to call the police, both times in my opinion.

Ben

You ARE making excuses. The only reason that he is keeping his temper in check is because he knows the consequences.

Hello, the reason should be because he loves you and would never do anything to hurt you.

He has an abusive personality and if you stay you WILL be abused. You have been been right for calling 911 because you acted on your instincts, your instincts should be yelling loud and clear, " get away from him".

ItsMe

If your story is true, you need to get out of there. Any man who would do that is not joking, and he will end up severely injuring you and possibly your child.

If you are making up stories and calling the police in order to keep him under your control, you need to get a grip.

Actually, either way this relationship is doomed. Either he's a controlling abuser, or you're a wack job. It doesn't matter. Get away from each other. It can never work.

.

None

he is just looking for another good time to hit you

dump him

SassyP

listen my fiance has hit me from time to time, not recently but occasionally things have gotten heated and turned physical, some pushing, Ive been punched (but never really hard), my hair pulled. Usually stemming from my hot head trying to punch him in the face.

but he has never hurt me (or left a bruise or mark of any kind), never threatened me, never scared me. He is a foot taller than me and can overpower me in a second but his anger comes on so fast that he just freaks out a bit but still retains a certain degree of control. What most minor physical altercations go to in many relationships that Ive seen.

Your boyfriend crosses those lines that my fiance would never cross, beating you? escalating to the police having to be called? and the worst of it He locked the doors and windows and threatened you! that sounds crazy!! Like the stories you hear on the news about the husband that kills the wife kind of news. Your obviously scared of him. Why would you live with a guy you actually think might hurt you? one who actually methodically thinks about locking doors and windows so that you can't get out and people can't hear you scream? I don't care what you say, thats abusive, its psychological, pysical abuse.
Him telling the police that he doesn't know what your talking about....maybe hes trying to make YOU look crazy.
I would leave
Now

karr1213

I hate to be the dark cloud here but he may just save it all up, get you alone and finish you off since he doesn't like jail. I hear people talking at work about being in jail. They beat the child molseters and wife beaters in there so yeah, he doesn't want to go back.
That incident sounds like he was testing you.

Getting laid off is really stressful. I hope you are checking the online career sites and newspapers. *yeah, I'm sure you are :o)* but there are a lot of jobs out there.
I wish you the best. Please be careful and maybe make an escape plan if this happens again.

Oh but yes, calling 911 was a good thing. If this does escelate there is a record of his behaviour.

thunder2sys

why in the world if you are afraid of what he will do are you still with him? After the first incident you should have known better and left.

But you were right to call the police since he was threatening you. If you don't get out today, then you need to figure out what path your life is going down!

netxjoe

Ok first things first, yes repeated calling to 911 for domestic violence will get your local child protective services involved with your family.

Second if you and your partner/spouse are having these kind of issues I believe I would be more apt to turn to a Counselor or something of a professional nature instead of Yahoo Answers. It sounds like there is some hostility built up between you two and that just gets worst with time.

Sleep tight! See you tonight!!

I have also recently been in a violent situation with my wife. And I am at fault cause I stay. It is your fault if you called the police on him once before and stayed. Holding it over his head is not a good idea, cause in the heat of the moment threats are ignored and things happen. Break up and move on.

DosCentavos

Dump him. He's lying--that is exactly what 911 is for, when you are in fear of injury or death. You've stated yourself, he has been physically, verbally and mentally abusive in the past. He's not afraid of not being able to see your child--he's afraid of you pressing formal charges and him going to jail. What next? A broken arm or fractured skull when your child knocks over his computer and crashes the hard drive or pours juice on the keyboard?

You ARE making excuses for him. You just won't face it until someone gets critically injured and even then you'll be trying to convince yourself that it was an accident.... Don't put up with it or at the very least tell SOMEONE and get counseling.

Good luck and God Bless.

lizanull

You're the kind of person we read about in the newspapers; all the signs were there and you stayed involved with a violent person anyway, and when something happens you want everyone to come to your rescue.

When in fact, if you would just get away from this violent person we could all get on with our own lives.

But, if you got away from this violent person you would no longer get the attention and drama that you crave by calling 911 and repeating a pattern with your "partner". So separating from your crazy partner would defeat the whole purpose, which is to keep you in the spotlight of attention and trouble and drama.

So you asked for opinions.

bdouglasharris

Sweet Jesus. YES you were right!

Break up with him right now! Weird that you say "he isn't abusive," because he sure as hell sounds like it.

Tom K

You did the right thing, which is to protect yourself -you don't need this & should abandon someone so abusive -life is hard enough why would anyone put up w/this..?

#1 Stern Super - Fan

First of all... you are describing a violent man and a violent relationship -- you are making excuses for him. There are no legitimate reasons for ever raising a hand in anger toward women or children -- and if he does it once... he will do it again.

ocularnervosa

Not to be mean but why the heck would you stay with someone who hit you? If they do it once and you let them back it is a written guarantee they will do it again.

taxEdriver

to be blunt you have a few options

1) do nothing and let you kid either go to the next of kin or some stranger raise your orphan

2) call 911 and dump this guy and raise your child

Robert M

This is the man you chose, you deserve everything he gives you.

Cherokee

You were right in calling 911. There is a lot of violence increasing which is getting more and more deadly. Stress is only one of the triggers. I would be very cautious if I were you. Good luck!

dlk207

you did right. If you ever let him hit you again he will keep on hitting you. If he wanted to get a "rise" out of you he could have done a lot of other things.
You are the kind of woman that make America great for other females, and I for one one applaud you.

darith2000

Time are tough. As a family you both need to stay mature, stick it out, keep your head up, support each other, do not ridicule each other, communicate with each other, turn to your family and friends for help, support, and guidance. It's true, he's under a lot of pressure having a family and then getting laid off, so you have to give him space and don't over communicate with him because he will blow. Both of you know you need to stay strong and mature for your 2 year old. My recommendation is that you should not depend on him financially even though that it was you intended to do when you got with him and had your child. You may need to hire a baby sitter and find a job, so both of you can have income and save money faster and come up faster in this economy. Since the both of you aren't married, you should get married legally at the courthouse, and then do a real ceremony later in life when you both have the money. Through pain and strife, may you reach happiness in your life.

uskillas

If I were your boyfriend and you called the police for no reason I would dump you.

pink angel

yes it was definitly right i would of done the same thing

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