Do I have a case against my mother?

******

You went to college, you're questioning things, you're articulate.... you don't need your mom's money. Granted, people in there 20's definitely have issues like debt to deal with, but if you do this thing without help, at least eventually you'll know you did it on your own.

It's not what the world owes you, it's what you can make of it.

Your pride is so much more valuable than some amount that's probably less than $30,000. Keep your eyes forward. In addition to having your pride, you'll not owe your mom a thing and you'll never have to listen to any of her poop if you don't want to.

A lot of people don't get the advantages that they'd have liked as a kids, but the ones who stick out are the ones that rise above it.

Bill

Nope. She fed you and clothed you and sheltered you. Me, I left home at 18 and got my 4 degrees on my own. I borrowed a whopping $20 from my mom when I was starting out, repaid it in a week, and that was it.

I'm sorry Mom didn't buy you piano and dance lessons or save for your education. Parents don't owe you that.

Now put on your big girl pants and pay off your student loans and quit asking Mommy for handouts. You're a quarter century old!

fsfa

The checks were probably for your support, so no - you didn't have a right to the money. I'd suggest forgetting about it and make the best of yourself by yourself. Success is the best revenge.

bcyouletme

I am assuming they were SSI checks, which are for you, but like child support, they are for the benefit OF you, as directed by the adult controlling them. It would have been great if she had put it aside for college, but I don't think you have a case against her. SHe will argue she used the funds for food, clothes, general good welfare of you...sorry.

Chris G

The money was for your needs, like food and clothes. It wasn't a big amount if it was social security. Put it behind you and make a life of your own. Best of luck in the future

sk8tbrdswdtw

It's not a very strong case. I know you're going through a tough time, but you can't just sue her like that. If there was evidence of abuse, then yeah, but she did raise you and feed you. You could try striking a deal with her though. Just say you'll pay her back, and actually pay her back. But if she doesn't want to do that, you'll just have to get a better job. You could work multiple jobs and slowly pay them back. The first thing you need to do is to pay a portion of your salary to the back, and save up money for a car, house, etc.

Just save up money, because chances are, the judge will probably dismiss the case. She used the money to take care of you, even if she lied to you and deprived you of certain things, she fed you and gave you shelter and etc. And because you're 25, the judge will probably simply say that you should be able to take care of yourself now.

I know it's not what you want to here, but this is from a stranger's point of view, and by that, we can see more of the situation than you. It sounds stupid, and it might make you mad, but if you think about it (and if you've given us all of the details) then you might be able to see that it's true

beecher

I'm not a lawyer, but I am a Mom. You do have to take into consideration: the funds that were given to your mother, because of your father's death, were to assist in food, shelter and clothing for you. Think of them as child support funds, as if your parents were divorced. She was a single mom, which must have been tough. What type of employment did she have when you were a child? Was it a professional career, or was it a job? There is a big difference in wages. I'm sure you would like financial help, but think things thru before you alienate the relationship between you and your mom. Have you applied for state-aid for college? See the school's counselors. They can point you in the right direction. I commend you for acknowledging the importance of education. Stay on track. Don't give up hope. Good Luck.

gomanyes562

It sounds to me like you don't even know exactly what these checks were meant for or who they were coming from. If they were specifically meant for your benefit (for example, if your dad left money to you in his will and your mom was receiving them on your behalf) then you might have a case. But otherwise, there's no reason to think it was your money, and there's no law that says that parents have to pay for their kids' activities or education. So you don't have much of a case.

carrie p

She fed and clothed you. There is no way to prove that those funds were not spent on you. This is a sad situation. I think you need to move on and realize that some people do not change and never will. You can be the bigger person and can choose to live a better life.

nora d

the checks she received from the state were to go to help feed and cloth you. It was not nothing more than that. You do not have a case against your mother... and she provided a roof over your head and did the best she could. Now as a grown adult.. debt can be over whelming.. but the only thing that is going to help you is get a job... quit blaming your mother on your financial debt. Some people have to work and go to college... so if you want a career you are going to have to push yourself. Because no one is going to do it for you.

nowyouknow

I don't think that you have much of a case.
Why not try to forgive her?

claudy_kay

This check was most likely a Social Security Check to be used for food, clothing, doctors, housing....and your upbringing. You can contact your local Social Security Office to get more details and to find out if your Mom was receiving a check from them and what it's legal uses were.

access2justice

Here is a link to an article called "How to Find Legal Help When You Can't Afford It" with links to legal information and legal assistance in every state:

http://www.courtreference.com/court-reference-blog/2007/12/19/how-to-find-legal-help-when-you-cant-afford-it/

I think it is likely that if your mom was getting checks or other kinds of payments as a survivor benefit, these were legally hers to spend as your guardian when you were a minor. However, I don't know and I can't give you legal advice and you need specific answers that reflect the laws in your state and the facts of your case.

The question I have is whether you are currently entitled to receive any benefits, and whether this situation can be improved by contacting the right place, showing proof of age and changing the address for where the checks are sent. I think it likely depends on what type of benefit it is (social security? pension? life insurance? dividends? trust?) because your current rights may be different depending on where the checks come from.

The article above outlines some starting points to find more legal information and legal assistance.

Scorpian S

That money your Mom got probably was used to help pay for food and shelter and school clothes and household bills. It takes a lot of money to raise children or child even.
I doubt your Mom used that money just for her self. A full time job don`t mean beans if you don`t get paid much to begin with. Did your Momm have to pay for child care for you while she worked ? That cost a lot too.
You`ve done pretty well for yourself, so cut your Mom a break cause she didn`t raise a fool now did she ?

Panies

i feel for you. you don't have a case and it sounds like it was hard for you growing up. i have a friend of mine that when his father died, they had retirement checks and his mom worked full time. his mom soon turned to gambling and pissed away the house, but he found it in his heart to forgive her and was soon supporting her. that only lasted for a couple years and finally told his mom that he was going to move out and that she needed to take care of herself. they're are now happy and the real lesson here is forgiveness. not everyone thinks the same way. also none of us make the right decisions all the time and then have to try and make up for it afterward.
just another thing for you or anyone else not to do.

Lev8mysoul

Questions for you.
1) Did you have plenty of food, clothing, and other essentials provided to you during your childhood?

2) Did you have a decent home to live in?

I ask these because I, like your mom, receives a monthly check due to my kids' father being disabled. We are divorced but these checks are to assist in the care of the kids. I'm not required to "save" any of it for the kids. I would LIKE to be able to, and would if I was able to do so. Believe me, I have a decent job, I provide for my kids and they "need" nothing. I can't afford "piano lessons" or "dance" for the kids even with that check. I wish I could.

Just because your mom has none of that money left doesn't mean that she squandered it all on herself. Just because she works full time doesn't mean she earns a huge amount either. I earn $34,000 or so a year before taxes and am literally living paycheck to paycheck. This isn't because I'm overspending, it's because after the cost of health insurance for the kids and myself, food, rent, electricity, heat, and other essentials, there is very little left. I don't know the particulars of your family but I can say that it's very possible that her income plus that monthly check was just enough to keep the bills paid and provide for you. Do you have a "case" against your mom? Probably not. You would have to prove that she used the money for herself and didn't provide for you as you grew. I can bet that your mother wasn't getting HUGE amounts from the government like you seem to think she was. If she's also paying on a mortgage rather than rent, then she's paying out even more than I am. The costs of maintaining a home is much higher than you would think. It's nothing like renting, where the landlord pays to replace a roof, heating systems, plumbing, etc.

As for college loans... Did you attempt to get financial aid other than loans? If not, then you have nobody to blame but yourself for that. If your mom's income truly is what you claim it is, there is no reason why you would not have qualified. My oldest has 100% of her college paid, NO LOANS At 25 yrs old you need to get over your anger with your mom and get on with life. I get the feeling she did the best she could.

Michael C

You may depending on what the checks were for....but probably not. My GUESS is they were some sort of Social Security death benefit. Do you really want to go further in debt on a maybe ? Yeah, it would probably make me mad too. But sometimes you just have to accept that not all people are willing to help even there own kids. Old saying "You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family".

FaZizzle

You really don't have a case here. Your father didn't leave money to YOU.

Being a single mom IS a hardship--emotionally, physically and financially. To say that she wasn't using it to the best of her abilities is really not being fair to HER. Having a full time job is NOT enough to support a family by herself. One salary and at LEAST two mouths to feed is tough.

My advice? Stop living in the past. You're 25 years old. It's time to get up and start making due with what you have.

starbrite.

Yes,you have a case and talk to a lawyer to start thing rolling.Don't feel sorry for her,as she
will try make you feel humble,TREAT HER LIKE ANY OTHER THIEF.

Winters child

life is expensive, its not cheap...go live on your own for about 2 years, pay the gas, electric, phone, cable, insurance for car, and home, and insurance for health. not to mention rent/mortgage, taxes, food, water bill and birthdays, holidays, etc.

oh, clothing, of course

Susan Z

More than likely you have a good case. the checks were probably CHILD Survivor check from your father's social security. She had to swear every year exactly what she used that money for, if she did not use the money that YOU were entitled to to cloth feed and house you, she broke the law. The problem is the Statute of Limitations may have passed for any wrong doing. You should consult with a Social Security attorney to see what your best course of action is.

Racist Answer Man

Nope. No accounting of that money is required. You're screwed.

Feel free to ignore her, though it sounds like she'd prefer that.

jeebus

Just out of curiosity, how do you know that her full time job plus the checks were just enough to get by? I am not defending her, but maybe you should investigate further to see if you are right or not.

You were a minor child and had no claim to the monies. She provided for you and put clothes on you and fed you and put a roof over your head. Don't even think you could have a case to sue her. Don't be greedy and ungrateful. I can tell you that she never had extra money to 'PUT BACK' for education. Get real.

cutie

How do you know that your mother has enough money at this time to repay you? I hate to hear people say oh so and so has a full time job, "a full time job does not equal rich", did you know the status (amount) of her income back then, ......I'm sorry but I could not sue my parents.

traveler07

Well, sure, you can sue for anything. What matters is whether it'll stand in court. Do you feel like you lived an underprivledged life while your mother was more comfortable? Or bought expensive things for herself? Even with a full-time job, maybe she was using that money to raise you.. clothes, mortgages, car insurance.. it all adds up. I'm not siding with your mom, just make sure you have all the details before you proceed with this. This could potentially destroy the relationship you have with her if you aren't careful. Maybe you can start with asking her what happened with the money from the checks? Was it enough to help you get by?

DeeLC

you haven't got a case, get over it. Both my parents had full time jobs and did not have enough to send me or my siblings to college. The amount of money she got from Social Security was probably less than $150 a month. That was probably enough to help w/ food, clothes and not to mention keeping you healthy(doctors and dentist visits) so just give up and get on w/ your life.

*Skylar*

Do you have any idea what it takes to raise a child as a single parent? You are basically telling the story of every middle class/lower class young adult you there.
You should be thankful your mother used that money to provide you with a home & food and clothes on your back.
Rent, food, utilies, gas, clothes, education....oh let me gues you think those things were free? The money was sent to your mom for just those items.

With all the things wrong in this world YOU are complaining about not being able to afford dance class & piano. Are you serious? or just heartless.

As far as college debt, you are in no different boat than 85% of every campus goer there! Every single college graduate I know has debt. GET REAL.

It is NOT your mother's responsiblity to provide you with adult education, it's yours.

So NO you don't have a case & you should thank god & your mother your alive and made it this far!

The money your mother received was probably Social Security benefits for surviving minor children.

When your father died, you (and any other minor children) were entitled to Social Security payments. These were paid to your mother for your benefit to assist with normal living expenses like rent, food, shelter, clothing, etc.

It wasn't money to be put aside for you for college or anything else. It was money to help support you until you were old enough to take care of yourself.

As for college? Most kids parents can't afford a college fund....most parents use their money to LIVE on, not to save for a college education. While most would like to, most simply cannot afford it. It is NOT the responsibility of parents to pay for their kids college education - it is the kids responsibility.

You are not the only one in debt due to student loans......most graduates suffer the same condition. You are responsible to pay those loans - not your mother.

At 25 years old, with a college degree, it is time for you to stop blaming your mommy for all your troubles. Get up, go get a job and grow up.

Jay D

i dont think you do im afraid, you say your mum didnt use the cash for you but are you sure?if she fed and clothed and gave you a home than she did, piano and dance are really expensive, and not everyone can afford to help their kids through college, mine couldnt!if she made you pay for your food and stuff then yeah you can sue id guess but you have to find out how much the cheques were and think if your mum really did stash it away, or are you just underestimating how much everything you have or want costs.

eveana678

My father died when I was ten too. My mother received a social security check for me for the amount of 300.00 a month for each child and we were only two. That's not enough to cover anything then or now. S.S DOSE NOT GIVE MUCH BUT IF YOU really want to find out how much your mother received just call the Social Security office and you can find out by your social security number and how much she received. I am sure it was not much and this is why she had to take a full time job.

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