Ex not willing to share custody?

Dirty Martini

most judges/courts these days want to see shared joint custody as long as there aren't issues of abuse. Your ex has little chance of getting sole custody if there is no hisotry of violence, no legal problems etc.

commonsense2265

The answers above are correct.. In fact she would be looked upon as not co-operating while you are willing to go the joint custody route. You need to go before a judge now and get it settled legally. Good luck! These d ays both parents often share equal custody if there is no negativity in the back ground. do not settle for less.

Sparkles

Since she will not come to an agreement, tell her she has left you no choice but to take her to court. Then do it. Any judge in their right mind knows a child needs both parents in their life.

just a girl

if you can't agree, the mediator will do it for you. if you have a clean background as you say, there should be no reason you cant have joint custody. bring in all receipts and insurance proof to court.
good luck!

â™¥ Mel

If all I read is true,you will not have any problems at all.Just push it to the court and whether she wants to or not she will have no choice.Good luck to your little girl and to you.Take good care of her.

DOOM

Your ex can't build a case without a lawyer, effectively, anyway. You win.

rjsass

I went through a divorce a few years ago. If I am not mistaken I think in order to receive joint custody both you and the mother must live in the same county. From what I have read I don't see any reason why you couldn't be granted joint custody. But if the judge does give her sole custody, I think he may set up the visitation for you if she will not come to an agreement. She will then have to go by what the judge says or she will be in contempt of court.

snowlady

Sounds like you will be given joint custody its not up too her.Best of luck.

Carmella

just take her to court

green.eclipse

sounds like shes just hurt and wants you to feel the same. if she doesnt even have an attourney yet, it sounds like you'll have no problem convincing the judge that you completely deserve at least joint custody, if not more. being the mother, she feels the child needs to be with her and shes right. i hope you fare well.

life is good and bad

Sorry to say but most of the replies are wrong. Joint custody is not easy to get and the main reason is people who divorce generally do not get a long and have communication problems. Joint custody take 100% of both to perform splitting 50% of the time together. Also you will have to live in the same school district, same church or temple. Most men get visitation and the mother get sole custody, They are the main provider for the care, sole custody. Mediation is just a means or way to settle things before going to court, if it works great, if it does not that is part of the reason you go to court. If you are very set in your mind for joint custody, I would suggest you read up on it and talk to a lawyer about the way thing will be with it and how things will be in the future. Joint custody and you get a job offer in another town or state will have major issues regarding joint custody, think before doing anything.

imask8r

My papa tried 50 years ago to get full custody of me in a divorce.....it was totally unheard of then, and my Mom was an undiagnosed bipolar. As if they had heard of that back then. Only mother's rights matterered. So my father moved to Florida because he couldn't deal with the weekend visits and the screaming matches. We all ended up in tears.

It was tough, and I blamed him for a long time. Finally when I was 21 we got back together and I treasure those memories of a papa who loved me. He passed 12 years ago and I still miss his voice.

Good for you loving your baby girl. Try as hard as you can to remain involved in your daughter's life. You are so important to her.

:-)

unlikely that she will get full custody, especially since you have been generous with insurance and whatnot and also you're willing to fight for it and obviously care greatly

Do_you_know_what

She Is only doing It because she Is hurting. That Is no excuse and Is a very selfish act. You will get shared custody or visitation rights without a doubt. Don't stress about It, hopefully your wife will come to her senses before It actually goes to court. Here's hoping anyway. Good luck.

Chrys

then you're batting a 1000....and the judge will see her for what she is... (an idiot..)

mcdannells

A judge does not look at money. A good judge only looks at biological. Your ex is banging her head against a brick wall. Do not worry about it you will get your visitation and would not doubt you will get shared custody.
Good luck! If she gets to nasty take custody away from her and let her have visitation.....and she will pay child support.
It takes two to produce a child, not just one.

FRAGINAL-NOYPI

The court will decide what is best for the child. Complete visitation rights for you might be granted as the father.

ceebee_toronto

sometimes you have to act smart and just act period.

while I am certain this is already the case - you are going to have to make things a bit more obvious for all parties involved.

at all times you will appear to the judge, your ex-to-be and your attorney, and her representative, and her family, and her co-workers and her buddies - to care about nothing else than the welfare of your child.

don't raise your voice - ever. ask questions to the judge when appropriate and let it be known that your are deeply concerned about the child's welfare.

try to win her family over - but only express your interest in the child's welfare - don't say one negative thing about your ex-to-be. and work with family only if they are reasonable.

get a top lawyer - and tell him/her exactly what you want regarding custody - and be prepared to pay for that. research your lawyer - look for a cracker jack, a craftly tough lawyer who likes to win.

let this lawyer (a woman is best) do the fighting for you, while you remain meek and focused on your child.

do your homework in your state/province and get the facts. if your current lawyer is already selling you out - get another one - now.

you will get custody - but let the judge know that you are concerned there may not be much protection of your relationship with your child in the future.

suggest counselling for you and your ex to learn how to raise your child seperately in a healthy way.

if she is still being unreasonable she will really start to look ridiculous - but STILL you will not put her down.

this is no longer about you and your ex - this is about you and your child - so swallow it - and maintain the best image.

finally, time will help all. give the issue a break with your wife. she is likely backed into a corner and feeling resentful -so give her space - as much as she needs.

then, when the moment is right - work on repairing the relationship with your ex. not to reconcile as a couple, but to get along better and perhaps even to develop a friendship.

you may (in private only) be able to concede that you share the responsibility for the failed relationship - so acknowledge this IF the conversation is private and if she is capable of dealing with this kind of discussion.

apologise to her because you want the best for her too. if you can win back a bit of her confidence and are genuine, then you both win.

===========
whew! that's a lot of work! but you are a DAD! this is the kind of soul wringing work that you must be prepared to do to keep your child in your life.

Good luck!

The Judge is interested in A) The welfare of the child B) Fair and equitable distribution of assets C) Ongoing support in conformance with the law. In this order.

Here is some news...he has seen squabbling over children and visitation once or twice before. Your inability to agree is not unusual and irrelevant.

It is almost always in the best interest of the child to have Dad stay in the kids life. Unless you are a dud you will likely be awarded joint legal and physical custody. She will be restricted from moving the child. You will have an equal voice in religion, education and how the child is raised.

Stick to the highroad. Make reasonable requests. Follow your lawyers advise. I won SOLE legal and physical custody of two small children in California so you can certainly win joint.

If you are a flake, party boy, unreliable in visitation, hostile and abrasive in front of the kids, buy into her petty nonsense and baiting you will jepordize your position. Your ex is bitter and thinks she has more rights than she has. You are the Dad, a parent and a necessary part of your kids life no matter how badly she wants it to be otherwise. Good luck and please be a stand up guy for your kids....some day they will thank-you for this.

Ga's Peach

If there is no abuse involved then you have nothing to worry about. I think you will get what you are asking for. GOOD LUCK!

rootzgirl34

that's a tough situation you are in and am sorry to hear.. it is always though the child that people should be most concerned with.. and what is best best for the child.. it's hard enough the child is gonna be goin through such a rift in the family.. that should be the focus for the time being.. instead of seein a child bounced back and forth like a ball in a game of tennis.. i know the parents wanna be with their kids.. but it is what the child needs.. you know your child.. what you think he/she needs and go with that.. wish you the best.. take care.

dixie58

a judge will make a fair decision.your ex is not guaranteed anything .if you live in the same area as your ex even if the child were in school some judges would rule for joint shared physical custody.you would alternate weeks and holidays and no one would pay the other child support and you would both be required to carry health insurance if available to you.this is the best case scenario. dont just give up and think you can do this later you must do it now.my son was told to sign his kids over because he was in the army and that when he got out he could change it.that was a lie it is not easy .leave it to the judge but let the judge know you want shared joint physical custody.you wont know if you dont try.good luck.

LetMeBe

I paid attention when my ex-bf fought for custody...

The judge won't like it if the two of you haven't come to an agreement, but it may be expected so maybe that wonâ€™t be so bad. There is a possibility it will be perceived as (both parents) putting their needs/wants first instead of the childâ€™s (even though you may be reasonable and the other is not, it still reflects on both of you). It will ALWAYS be whatâ€™s in the best interest of the child. Decisions will be made for you if an agreement isn't accomplished and one or both of you may not like those decisions. I don't think it would be in the best interest of the child to order one parent full custody (assuming both are fit) because it excludes the other, which then puts the child in the middle and the child will feel like they have to choose one parent over the other constantly, which would be detrimental to the child. The courts might pay attention to your childâ€™s behavior: social skills w/ others, education progress, relationship w/ each parent to monitor how this break up affects the child, and even ask the child who they want to live w/ which may weigh heavily. If you continue to disagree, they may order the parents to take parenting classes (such as "kids in the middle") if the parents get so focused on the battle for custody and neglect to remember that fighting isn't in the best interest of the child, it hurts them. You have to find a way to communicate with the mother. Try a way you havenâ€™t tried before. You say itâ€™s her way or no way, but the same could be said about you (even though youâ€™re being reasonable). I think the age of the child makes a big difference here. Are they old enough to testify in court, talk to the mediator, talk to court appointed therapists (if applicable)? Do you know what the child wants? Does the child want to live in two places or just one, w/ you or her? Consider asking the mother what she wants, what she thinks is FAIR, and if she excludes you from your childâ€™s life in her answers, ask her if she's CONSIDERED the possibility that what mom wants may not be in the best interest of the child or even what the child wants. Inform her that not sharing custody may negatively impact the child, everything is a possibility. Even children who are abused miss their crappy and abusive parents because IT IS STILL their parent. Mom is just thinking about herself here, caught up in her emotions. Mom sees you as a threat to the child because you hurt mom, hurt mom = hurt child, get it? She probably believes sheâ€™s protecting the child from you.
Itâ€™s best to allow the child to remain with the same structure they had as before (such as staying in the same school, going to the same places, keeping the same friends, same patterns). Consider offering several suggestions as to shared custody with the mother, and document EVERYTHING (neutrally, leaving out emotion unless relevant) for three reasons: it may work and you may come to an agreement, makes things easier to measure and identify where the problem is coming from, and to provide the court with evidence that youâ€™ve tried diligently to come to a solution while showing flexibility. Donâ€™t say anything bad to the child about the mother, and donâ€™t give up trying. Ask friends and family to write statements on your behalf of your parenting skills, how your relationship w/ your child is, and what they think if you arenâ€™t granted any or shared custody. Maybe thinking about this from the mothers point of view could provide you w/ some insight and ideas. Have you thought about this further?....who gets the kid during Christmas, birthdays, all holidays, mothers day, which holidays (split the day in half or every other year)? Who watches the kid after school? Maybe if one parent works and the other doesn't, a solution is already there and you donâ€™t realize it. Play out daily life in your head. Mothers day is coming upâ€¦.help the kid make something for mom and let the kid present it without you being there so as not to take that moment away from mom. It might soften her up, and will be in the best interest of the child, and who knowsâ€¦maybe mom can begin to heal and maybe even start trusting you again.

rcpaden

I would hope the judge would see a father willing to stand up to be there for and parent his child. If you have made offers to your soon to be ex, hopefully you have an attorney that will present that to the judge and the judge will see that you are being reasonable. Most women feel they automatically get full custody just because they are the mom.
Times are changing. Fight for your daughter.

Jaden

get an attorney and don't give up without a fight.

ZoomZoom

I would like to say you will get joint custody and if what your saying is true I would think that is the way the judge would rule. Every other weekend and a night during the week. Switching off holidays. Good luck it's all bad for the child no matter what.

Lady D

The chances of the judge denying you visitation or custody at this point IF there are no crimes on your record are very slim. Even states that automatically give the mother preference still grant visitation. In fact, unless she can show a legally justifiable reason for refusing you even visitation while you ARE paying support, most judges will see that negatively on her and may increase visitation.

If the judge grants visitation she is required to allow it, whether she wants to or not. A friend of mine just got FULL custody of his son because his ex denied him visitation for over 2 years. So now he has his son and SHE gets to see him only 2 weeks a year. (they live on different sides of the country and SHE insisted on a statement in the divorce that the non-custodial parent could demand no more than 2 weeks plus 1 holiday per year of visitation )

donna111

Hi, i had the opposite problem i wanted my ex to share custody we went 2 mediation as well but he would not agree 2 anything and he was abusive 2 me but not our children. The courts ended up making me take the children to c him every sunday fr 4hrs a week. He has given me nothing but grief for the past nine years. The courts will b willing to grant you joint custody but i suggest u put in the orders that neither of u can put down the other to the child or in front of the child.

Good luck i hope it works out for you, you sound very caring

S1973

Call a lawyer, and go to court!

Matt M

I don't know what state you are in, and don't know the particulars of your situation. With that said, any good family law judge in any state will give you visitation rights.

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