How can I stop the dad from having any legal rights as far as visitation before something bad happens? Please?

My son's dad and I were together for two years and my son is now 3 months old. We always used to argue about discipline and stuff as I was raised never to hit and I was never even spanked as a child. He was raised in Europe and his family are all pro-hitters (no I am not just talking about spanking, these kids got beaten)
Anyways, I always thought that even though we disagreed, since I was always around I could keep an eye on things and make sure my baby was always safe with me and would never be hit. Today I broke up with my son's dad though, and he's packed his things and left.
How can I limit his rights with his son so that I don't have to wait for my son to come home with welts in order to cut off his visitation? My son is currently EBF so his dad will be coming to my place to see him on weekends, but once he's on solids I'm scared he will come home after the weekend with bruises or having been neglected and left to scream alone all weekend (this is his dad's idea of 'parenting')
For now, being supervised by me, I'm ok with it, but I'm terrified that I will have to wait for something bad to happen to prove that he is the type of guy to hit a child. He's already been rough with the baby (as in picking up and jostling around not hitting or shaking or anything) and been yelled at for it by me. He calls our 3 month old spoiled and will dump him in his crib alone and walk away if he cries for more than 5 minutes.
I'm afraid that if we go to court it will be a big 'he said, she said' thing and they won't believe the kind of behavior he exhibits towards my son or the things he's said, as I know he'll pretend to be a nice gentle parent in that scenario.
Please help. I don't care that he is out of my life but I don't want my son to have to grow up being scared of being hit by his dad, or left to sob and wail alone as a baby at his dad's place when he is weaned.
I'm sorry if any of this sounds stupid. It's been a rough day. Any help or advice would be appreciated.
Additional Details
He also leaves our son in front of the tv in his carseat whenever I leave him with him to shower or tidy up. Doesn't even hold him, just dumps him in front of the tv and goes to do his own thing.

Mike Perdue

Not stupid questions at all. First of all I cannot tell what state you are in, I am an attorney in California and am NOT a family law attorney, so I must caution you that you need to speak to an attorney in your local area and only use my answer here as a guide. I will also tell you that I have 7 children from my 27 year marriage, so I know a little about kids too.

First of all, experience has shown me that most women in your situation will go back to the abuser. I hope you do not do that. Please seek help from a local battered women's shelter for referrals to support aids for women in your situation.

Second, you CANNOT spoil a 3 month old. A baby is precious, some cry more at first, they just need more love and attention, not punishment!

Third, experience has also taught me that many men like the one you describe will not take advantage of visitation, particularly if you make it "inconvenient" for him... "The baby is sick and throwing up today... maybe next week?" Some men will accept a no visit deal if they do not have to pay support.

Fourth, most judges will listen to you if you CALMLY explain that he "has a bad temper" and is "rough" with the baby. In California, most courts, with that information will order parenting classes and even supervised visitation (often through the YMCA or other organizations).

So my advice is: Don't encourage his visitations, at least not until he has proven himself (which does not sound likely), Get a Family Law Attorney in your back pocket ready to go. And please, do not invite him back into your home, get help.

My website and blog, although not directly related to your question, do have information that can be helpful to you and your baby.

America is full of nuts

My advice is to express your concerns to him directly, to your childs father, and see if you can't work things out between the 2 of you at least until the child gets old enough to talk and say what is going on. Try to work it out! That is the only advice I can give. Also, just as a side note, it is important that you let babies cry from time to time as it is necessary for them to develope their lungs. Also, it does not hurt a baby to sit in a seat by themselves. Have you ever wondered if you might be just a tad bit overprotective? Have you been taking care of yourself? Eating right and getting at least 8 hours of sleep a night? It sounds to me like you might have just a touch of PTSD. It sounds like you are a little paranoid, without a logical reason, but, I could be wrong, who knows. Next time you take the child to the pediatrician, ask his or her honest opinion on the subject, tell him or her what you just told the rest of the world. Take a step back and look at yourself. It is not good to be that overprotective. I'm only telling you this because I used to be the same way, and it's good to worry and be protective of your children, but, it is not good to over shelter a child, it hinders their developement process. Further, you need to make sure you are taking care of yourself first. If you worry that much about a child, there is no way you can be taking proper care of that baby. Babies need to cry from time to time and it is essential that parents take care of themselves first so that they can then have a healthy mind and body to take care of the baby. Pray to God about it, read the Bible, then think about it more. If you can work it out with him, then please do. If he's threatening to take the child from you, then please do not give him any legal ground to stand on!!! If that is the case and the court process has not been initiated yet, then, you do still have the right to move out of state, ASAP, and not tell him where you are going, but, once that is initiated, then you have no alternative but to allow reasonable visitations. If you try to avoid this, you yourself could be found unfit. Please, let God take care of it for you. Follow your heart, and pray. Put your trust in God, let go and let God, that is what is said, and try to relax and enjoy the time you have with your child now. Children sense emotions you know. Also, once a child is around, say, 2, it important to discipline them, and spanking often times comes with that territory. I used to say I would never spank my children, guess what, I do! It does not hurt them, there is a difference between spanking and beating. Spanking a child does not hurt them.

sunny

well the judge will think about how you loved this man for several years and you were o,k, with him and now that you broke up it is a problem ? sorry it takes two people to have a child see it is his son too,and he has the right to raise his child until proven unfit, i mean come on if he is so mean then why did you live with him for two years ? and why didn't you use birth control if he is so mean ? you can play hard ball with him butt he will do the same back,,,,

SlapChop Ur gonna love my nuts

Well, I don't see anything wrong in puttiing a 3 month old in the car seat in front of the tv if he needs to shower.... i did that... it's better than leaving them on the floor. What may be beating to you is probably not beating... non hitters always think being smacked is beating.. I smacked my child's hand in public and a woman went off on me and told me shouldn't have kids... needless to say I told her where the bear craps in the woods..... I don't see why you had a child with this man if you guys disagree so much.... but none the less you need a court order...

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