I'm about to go to court for custody of my son with my son's father, any words of advice?

My sons dad and I are about to go to court in a few weeks both asking for sole custody of our son. Does anyone have any advice when dealing with family court? I have never even been to court so I have no idea. Neither one of us has an attorney. I was just wondering what to expect and if anyone has any do this or don't do that advice. Thanks!
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Someone answer please!!

Mike Perdue

I am in California, so I do not know the laws of your jurisdiction. I would strongly suggest that you seek the help of an attorney. My advice here should only be a guide. If you cannot afford an attorney, you can call the local bar association and ask for a referral to Legal Aid, free or reduced fee.

In California, to get SOLE custody in a contested hearing, you must be able to prove that the other parent is unfit - i.e. that the other parent is abusive, drug or alcohol addicted, grossly negligent. Even in those situations, the courts will allow some visitation under supervised conditions and/or require the "bad" parent to go to parenting classes or take other relevant courses to help them be a better parent or overcome their addictions.

In most cases, you will leave court with a "joint custody" arrangement. You will probably be sent to a mediator to work out a custody agreement, dividing days of the week, months of the year, holidays, vacations and birthdays.

If your ex has been a good father in the past, that will not change. If he has been negligent, it is likely he will remain negligent and will not take advantage of all his visitation rights. Some few men repent and become good fathers to the great blessing of their children, but they are the exception, not the rule.

What should you do? First, remain CALM. Your ex will deliberately say things that will be hurtful and false or misleading. Calmly deny it when it is your turn, but DON'T loose your cool.

Second, have your facts and evidence to back it up. If he is an abuser - get police records. If he is an addict, get doctors reports, etc. Bring your witnesses to court with you. I get my witnesses to write a statement before they come to court, signed "under penalty of perjury" so they can't change their story.

Third, don't ever let your child hear your complaints about your ex or listen to arguments. Better yet, as hard as it might be, become his "friend." If he disappoints your child on visitation, etc, be "understanding" and forgiving. My mother did this and I will bless her name forever, she made our lives better.

I wish you the best, and hope that you get some legal help.

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