I've been trying to divorce a very violent man for the past two years. It's been one delay after another.

ionwheels03

~~*~~ I see that you're going through quite a bit here. Don't let the situation get the best of you. Instead, give the best of yourself to your daughters, as this is hard on them too and they really need you now. It's hard to "recover" from a relationship like this one and I'm sure that you were afraid to leave an angry man with a lot of money. I'm happy to hear that you found the strength to do that!
~For those that have down played all of this for you: You people have to realize that this really happens. Open your eyes to the world around you and stop kicking someone while they're down!!

Love Sponge

where do you live? file an emergency injunction stating that he is abusive and you have gotten used to a priviledged lifestyle living with money, and request the court to order him to pay you while the divorce is in progress.

your atty should have told you this.

theman

Divorces don't happen over night as you know now.
I am sure you want it to be over but it is hard when he is probably fighting with you for every little thing.

Best things that I can say is don't get a expensive lawyer.
You are still married and 125,000 is yours too.
The longer you draw it out the more likey they are to cut everything down the middle. He must know that and he will fight to finish up the fight before you know it.

Just go to the lawyer that you do have and tell them to keep pushing the fact that he is violant. Keep push for the fact that you want the kids. Keep push the fact that he should not even get half since you must take care of the kids because he i violent.(not that they are a burden)

Find the blessing in everything. The blessing in this senerio is you will be close to your daughters. And for you standing up for them and fighting to get away. You ave taught them selfrespect.

We are only promised to live and to die. No one promosed us a perfect life. Sure this isn't what you expected but it is running it's course under the bridge. Soon it will be water under the bridge. And you will have your life to reshape it as you desire.

Pray and find peace. Find peace and endulge in distraction (other than dating around cause that could complicate the divorce.) Enjoy as much as you can despite it being hard.

Good Luck.

miss mazie

Delay is what lawyers do . Buying time - can fatten their wallets ..or be a help..or a hurt to you . If you are comfortable that you have an experienced divorce atty looking out for you - be patient . But if not - do some research and get one specializing in matters such as yours . No law on earth would keep you from your "personal property" . Get advice from YOUR atty ( not his ) ..and get a police escort to obtain your personal property . BE CAREFUL who you trust from now on . .and expect to be e-mailed by kooks and con artists after posting your life story .

ArrowExterm

Its hard to go through something like this. If you really want to divorce this man and be done with him, then forgoe the money aspect of it all if its too much trouble. Like you said, you and your kids are happy now and thats what really matters. I know letting the money go is hard esp when you could give your girls a better upbringing but sounds to me like you have already gotten them off to a good start by getting them out of that situation. Plus all that money might make them and you greedy and ungrateful. Let it go and just live life like youve been doing. Plus the divorce will go through a lot faster if you dont want anything from him.

rebel g

Hopefully you have an attorney, if not get one. You will be entiteld to 1/2 of the marital assets. That is anything that was aquired during the marriage. If the father in law passed and the inheritance was granted after you seperated, you will not be entitle to that. A good lawyer can walk you through all of this.

Hec1971

First don't give up hope it has to end someday. Second, donâ€™t let this situation stop you from living the rest of your life. Make your priority your happiness and donâ€™t let him dictate when that happiness will begin. In other words donâ€™t let the divorce be the measure of your happiness. Read books on the subject matter try to find the good in all situations. Keep a positive attitude it take discipline at first but it becomes second nature later.

Now for the practical depending on the state you are in the process can either be long or short. In my state (FL) the process can take a while, but a lot of times people out of ignorance of the law will make common mistakes like not setting time frames when agreeing to things in mediation, just remember to never leave things open ended unless it benefits you. Also keep in mind that once you have gone to mediation (if required) you should be free and clear to file for a divorce hearing. The divorce and the separation of assets can be resolved separately. Also I'm assuming your kids are receiving child support, if not get a temporary ruling for child support because that's their money for their needs.

Good luck.

paducah_billy

I so understand the need to tell your story. It is a sad story for sure. I feel your pain, only someone who has seen the terrible side of a divorce can begin to understand. I wish you well and hope your nightmare ends soon. Time will help to heal but I don't think you or I will ever truly heal. Scar yes but aways scars.

be my Angel :)

Did you bother getting a restraining order?

JackieG

This man is very violent stay away from him all together for your and your daughters sake.You say it has been very peaceful and you and your girls are happy and that you are making a go of it good for you. If a house and money is more important then you or your daughters safety then let the attornies duke it out,but since you were able to leave this man without being hurt I would say move on. If you persue the issue then he has a right to visitation and their will always be a threat of violence.Yes your girls do deserve a better life as they have been thru hell but at what price are you willing to pay?

duce

You should get a lawyer, once there is a settlement involved they will take the case because they will get a cut when everything is settled

mean_punk_chick

u should forget bout the landand the thing an start over away from him

e-mail me if u want mean_punk_chick@yahoo.com

Bama

See my answer to your other question & know that my heart goes out to you

However, I am gonna give you a little "tough-love"

In my Mom's experience... my dad nearly killed her, broke her back & left he paralyzed. She was 18 when she married him... left him every 5 years during the 18 years they were married. I was the first child & he did not become abusive utnil she was preggies with me (they had been married for 3 years), A total of 4 kids (gee honey I love you & I won't hurt you again.. why don't we have another baby...) later with 2 households (one in Mtn Brook & the other a 400 acre farm... and no, his parents weren't rich, they were poor... so this was all his not inheritance)

Several attorneys who went to our church offered to help my mom... many, many times over the course of many, many years....

Finally, 2 years after she was paralyzed and before the then-experimental-surgery to correct the nerve path impedement (my father wouldn't allow her to have the surgery, you know, she had to be home to take care of us kids).......... finally she hired 1 of the attorneys who agreed to not charge a retainer & only take a percantage fee.

he felt very confident that this was worth money to him

my father moved assets amongst his family members and then bankrupted on what he counldn't move.. yes, he cut his nose of to spite his face.. but he was so abuse & controlling that he actually said "If there is any chance that she can get it, or get money for it, then I refuse to have it"........ it was all about her not having it.. all because she finally got enough back-bone to divorce him

One of the things he bankrupted on was his business. He voluntarily started to see a shrink.. not because he felt he needed to change, but to have a witness in court say he could be mentally ill & that meant his chil-support and any other obligations woudl be based on his current rate of pay (no money, equal to minimum wage).. instead of the $500,000 per year (she filed for divorce in 79 & divorce completed in 82) that she had known him to make for the last 10 yers of thier marriage

My dad set fire to all of her personal belongings as well as all the personal belongins that belonged to me, my 2 sisters & my brother.

So even though she had a "Mtn Brook Divorce attorney" who was & stil is considered one of the best at getting assets for women in a divorce from a wealthy man........... she still ended up with no clothes, no furniture, no pictures of our childhood, no money, no house, and child support based on minimum wage (at that time $75 per month per child.. in today's environment would be $150 per month per child)

My mom & us kids went from Mtn Boork lifestyle (one of the top 10 wealthiest places in the US) to total poverty........... if it weren't for her parents, we would be homeless... she had always been a house wife.. never allowed to work or go to colllege.............. she took a job as a waitress & went to school.. I was in je hough & the when in high school... one sister was in jr high & the other 2 kids were in elementary school. I became the primary care giver. During her breaks from school, I also went to work as a waitress & helped put food on the table (even at 14.. that was when I started working) -- family of five living in a 2 bedroom tiny house @750 sq ft

Did my mom think she deserved better? Yes... did she deserve better? Yes... did my mom think us kids deserved better? Yes...

Looking back, there were lessons in this for me... many of them.... if it weren't for the economic shift that occured then I would not be the person that I am today... and I am happy to say that I have litterally lived every single social-economic this country has to offer with the exceptions of the two extremes... I am not a Hilton & I was never homeless

So... then I became a young women who avoided strong, assertive men out of fear that they would try to kill me.... I dated soft-hearted, kind, gentle guys.......... and I found one & I fell in love & at the tender age of 18 I got married and even brought him to my psych & asked my psychologist if I had done a reasonable job of finding the exact opposite of my father........ he agreed I found the exact opposite (bear in mind that opposite also meant really impoverished and without a drive to succeed in life)........ he also added that he couldn't imagine this man being physically violent.. yet it was almost as if he saw the future because he said "I wonder, I get this strange feeling that there must be something in him that I don't see.. almost like being capable of snapping"

My father was a VERY BIG MAN at 6' 4" and built like an oak tree -- my at-the-time husband was a slight built man at 5'8" and weighing in at 120.

So we were engaged....... and his mother was agorophoic and he was the utttt-ohhhhh child when his mom was 40. He was 5 years older than me.... so he went to go see his mom to tell her the good news... and he then made a date for us to come over for dinner so I could meet his parents.... he left a few hours before me that day to go see his parents & he found both of them dead.. it was a murder-homicide... they had been dead for 3 days..... his mom wrote a note that she couldn't bear to loose her baby boy to marriage & she shot her husband & then herself

I believe that would make me go crazy if it had been me.......... but we were engaged & I felt committed & he was doing okay & going to counceling & we got married. We had been married 3 years when we decided to have a child & I was preggies & we were happy & suddenly he SNAPPED

The afterthought is that me being pregnant was motherhood & his deep-seated anger at his mom came out in my direction

He beat me, he kicked me, he tied me to a chair & knifed the chair and then me, he strangled me with a phone cord.. many many ER visits.... many, many days at work with stiches & bruises.... many, many police visits

and nothing... NOTHING anyone could do... why because I was married & pregnant.. I won't dwell to much on stupid laws that needed to be changed.. but at that time in Alabama (this was 1987) a married womean who was also a pregnant woman was legally the property of her husband....

After numerous attempts at what would seem like trying to kill me (strange psychology of this type of abusers.. they need a victim.. and they will want you to be terrorized & think you will die.. but they will do thier best to take you as close as possible without killing you)

the only person I could think of that would be strong enough to protect was my father (remember he was a HUGE FORBODING ABUSIVE MAN)... so I called my Dad & asked to move into a bedroom in his house....and he let me.. and then my husband showed up and pointed a shot-gun at my dad's face.. and my dad grabbed the shot-gun & then pointed it at my husband.. remember we are on the property where my Dad lives... the neighbors called the police.. and who went to jail.. my dad.. why... because I was my exp-husband's property & my Dad was standing between this man & his property

So I filed for a restraining order & couldn't get one because I was his property.. i filed for divorce & couldn't get one because divorcing while pregnant in Alabama is illegal no matter what the reason (and unfortunatly this has not changed despite efforts to get legislation to change that)

So I had to endure my pregnancy and the abuse.... on one hand I prayed he didn't kill me or the baby & on the other I prayed he killed us both

Finally, my son was born... and I filled for divorce... I was given a restraining order when my son was 1 month old... he kept breaking in & terrorising & stalking us...

His fundamental-christian-who-doesn't-beleiv... got an attorney to prove he was mentally ill and to suspend any divorce or payments of childsupport on the basis that he was mentally incompentant to sign legal papers.

The two of them enlisted the help of the church were I taught sunday school... the church infomormed me that I would no longer be allowe to teach sunday school as I was considered an unfit role model because I was getting divorced with such a small child and not attempting to work the marriage out (skip dwelling on that any furhter)

So my husband with a restraining order is still showing up & calling me at home & work and threatening to kill me & my son if I dare to follow thru on the divorce.. .... and what can I do about it.. not a d*mn thing

So the point is.. I saw the writing on the wall... and another lesson I had learned from my mom's experience is THE STUFF & THE MONEY DOESN'T MATTER

So... I offered to pay off all the bills, give up everything I or we owned to him if he would just sign the papers.. but he couldn't because the judge ordered that he couldn't

So once again I had to endure.. he kidnapped my son off the school playground.. had it not been for my Dad, I wouldn't have my son back (I never asked Dad what he did)

The year after that he broke in & brutally raped me, stabbed me numerous times & left me in blood-loss shock.. when I was found, they actually fist pronounced me dead.. if it weren't for the very good friend that found me who insisted that they were wrong... and that I had low blood pressure on healthy days.. then I would be dead

And finally 5 years after filling divorce I was allowed a default divorce.... because I was willing to accept whatever the courts handed down

and they ruled child support to start with the divorce @ $100 per month

I didn't want the money --- I wanted him AWAY FROM ME

I asked the courts to remove his parental rights.. and he even agreed to do this if the courts would remove his childsupport obligation

But in Alabama.. it is illegal to not replace a father with a father (or a mother with a mother, in those cases).. and the only way to do this replacement was to (1) get married (2) after a year of marriage then approach the courts for adoption (3) have agreement from all parties

So even though I was totally opposed to the idea of getting married again.. I had to play the legal chess game in order to protect my son

So that same good life-long friend.. he & I got married for the sole purpose of protecitng my child & re-assigning the father

He & I agreed that when the time was right we would get divorced & go our seperate paths of real-mates... and in '01 we did that.... and we told our son 1 year before we did it so that he could adjust to it & also have the opportunity to forge a different relationship with his step-dad

I am now in the best, most healthy relationship of my life.. an have been since '02

It can have a happy ending... but you gotta get your priorities right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

big_pimp69

go and do it

MAURICIO A J

The best thing is to get lawyer and he has 2 by law give u something especially because u have kids of his

bic

that's your side of the story now lets hear his side. and i'm sure there's truth in the middle of both your stories.

King T

I see

Mr. Wizard

OK.....(silent room).....uh......well..... thanks for sharing your story........(silent room)......we're "saddened" (spoken scarcastically) you miss ALL that wealth, bought by a tragic 16 years in a ALLEGEDLY "violent" marriage. It's evident you're closely TRACKING every dime this guy makes.....and you want......

....."the system to work": Translation: YOU MISS THE $$$$$. Honey, WE ALL miss the $$$$$.

You DON'T speak of HOW VIOLENT the HUSBAND is, only to say his NOW DECEASED daddy liked walking around the house (and I assume it was a HUGE MANSE) "armed" ..... oh--and you sniffed out your hubby snagged $250,000 from his now dead daddy ......hmmmm...... I sense one sided story here......

Welcome to average working stiff life: enjoy your stay as you live life (purportedly) as we do.

Ah, the laments of a rich seperated married woman on the tragic road to divorce---missing the $$$$ along the way.....YAWWNNNUHHHH!!!!

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