Just Discovered I am a Birthfather

I am reaching out to this community in hopes of getting insight and getting assistance on an issue that I have had over the past 11 months. In April of last year I was approached by a female who I had a close relationship with back from 1991- 1994. In December 1993 this friend of mine found out she was pregnant. I was ready to do everything I could to assist and support her with the child, because I knew it was very possibly my child. And I was ready to assume my responsible part. At that time she was animate that the child was not mine. She claims she did something very rebellious when she went back home to Ohio. That was when the pregnancy took place. Either way, I was ready to do my part to be there for her and the child. The woman did not want to commit to a relationship with me, or anyone and at that time she didn’t know what she was going to do. I continued to support her and do everything I could to support her the unborn child. Then sometime in April 1994, she left Spartanburg, South Carolina, and I never heard anything else of her. I did not know where she went, and she never tried to reach to me for anything else. In April 2010 she found me on Facebook, I was glad to hear from her. I was glad to find out she was doing well. We both have since gotten our own families, and children. I asked her about the child she was with, asked her how the child was and asked if the child had a relationship with the father. She proceeded to tell me that the child was adopted to a loving family in what’s called a” Open Adoption” just a few days after she was born. It was also at that time she told me that I was the father of the child. I really felt awkward at that time when she told me that, but this was her choice, to do what she did, she was 21, and adult, she did what she did. I am reaching out to find out the proper way to reach out to the adoptive Parents. I fully respect that they are the parents, and the daughter is part of their family. But I have heard of so many people who wonder about, who their father is, and who their mother is. I do not want that to take place with her with the girl. The girl is 16 now, and I am sure she has enough to worry about with school, and whatever a 16 year old girl has to worry about. But what I would like to do is just reach out to the adoptive parents, Let them know who I am, and let them know when …and if the girl ever questions about her real father. That she can know who to come to first. This has been something that has been haunting me since I found out about it. The woman who I had the relationship with is married and has her own family, I really do not want to impose on them. I am married and I have a loving wife and two boys I love dearly. But I feel I need to reach out to the parents, just to let them know. If she ever asks, and wants to know. They will know me. Can you offer any insight or any guidance to me, and in your experience what is the right thing to do. I could go and let her live her life and just never say anything. But since I found out that she may be my daughter,, I really don’t know how to feel. Thank you for any assistance you can offer