My baby's father and I have never been married and only dated for a short time should i agree to give my son?

india

TRUST ME KEEP HIM IN YOUR NAME X

Ollie

I would fight it all the way.Keep your son in your name.Good Luck

AngelK

Keep your last name. I believe you can change it (or add) at some point as long as it is within a year. If the daddy actually becomes a father maybe you could hyphenate.

If it comes down to it, I am sure you would rather him have two names than just his dads.

Good luck :)

DrNo

This is not about you and the father. It is about the child.

Firstly, that visitation will not be enough for your child to form a bond with: 30% of the time is the minimum needed. As a rule of thumb, take the age of the child (example 2) take that as days, and then do not let the child go that many days without seeing the child. So in my example every 2 days let the child see him. If he keeps taking you to court he will just get more time. You must now have a lot of time because your child is still basically a baby.

I'd let the father have his way, maybe it will convince him to come around more often. He could have like an hour a day 4-5 times a week to come by to see your son. Let him have more time I'd say too. If he wants to be the father then why not, its not like you have a boyfriend changing dirty diapers for you.

I think the best way is to give him the boys last name and let your son decide later for himself if he wants to change it. The law allows that. When growing up your son will want to define who he is and a name means a lot. It can be quite confusing. I knew 2 boys when they went to high school had their last names changed to their mothers to piss off the dad. The father disowned and disinherited them after that, and that never changed till the father died 50 years later at 90. If you do it now the child may never see his father ever again.

In these kinds of situations with the parents fighting all the time the child usually ends up siding with one of the parents, unless the parents cooperate in a friendly co-parenting kind of relationship. Since you already have him much more time that does not mean you are going to win that. If you tell the child how terrible the dad is and the child finds out you're lying, he could easily side with your Dad. I knew a child who never went back to his home after running away from home to see his Dad. He was 15 and the dad went back to court and got custody. A 15 year old child can influence a court decision, the courts in California can ask children want they want, Courts do not have to do it, but the court considers it, possible letting the child decide if it appears genuine. The kid never wanted to see his Mom ever again. 4 years later that has not changed, therapist basically conceded its a lost cause at that point. You can end up with the child, but if you're not careful you might lose your child forever. You cannot control children after a certain point. Cooperate, appear to the child that Dad and you get along. No bad mouthing etc.

You have to be careful. You should each want to have a relationship with the child that will be forever till you die. Think of how the child will view it. He is a boy, he will want to be like his Dad in some way, or at least emulate him.

You can try and get rid of the Dad, but that will only hurt your child. Possibly it will jeopardize your relationship with your own child in the end. So better to let him have it now, you will benefit and so will the child.

M v

Sometimes you have to just pick your fights and if your not apposed to your son having his last name, then just do it. It would save you alot of trouble and stress. I'm sure your son's feels your situation.

rob f

Well perhaps you need to think about some sort of arbitration for the sake of your son so that when he is at a stage where he understands that this whole court wrangling isnt brought up, but i would personally comprimise and give your son both names and a chance to make up his own mind when he is able to.

countryboy

Does he support his son ? If he doesn't, what is his reasons for his son to have his last name other than it's a guy thing? Our daughter made a mistake 17 years ago, but she left the name of the father on the birth certificate. There is alot to the story, but his father has been around to support his son, so we can't say to much. You need to do what is best for your son now and in the future, stop the fighting both ways. It's hard to understand why some of these laws are so hard to follow, when a child is involved and a person knows what's best for the child.

discombobulated

I wouldn't want to share my last name with a father who doesn't really seem to be much of a father. Keep it the way it is.

Mimi

meet him half way and try to get a double barrel name:
you child will not be asking why don't I have his name or why don't I have your name only.
My situation is different but my children have double barrel names and it is equal.
What happened between you two has nothing to do with your child's identity: he is yours and his regardless of any arguments...........

tabbiekatz

What is in a name? Weather he has your name or his is not the problem here. It is weather he is and will be a good father. Sounds like he is immature at the moment with the visitations, but what about child support? Is he paying you anything? It doesn't matter what the child's last name is, only how you raise your him/her.
If he is taking you to court for visitations and flaking out, I suggest you read my blog on myspace (tabbiekatz). Sounds like he's trying to take control of the situation and possibly trying to dictate how that child is being raised. Just read it and do with it what you will. I wish you luck in this.

Graham N

Take a look at the Shared Parenting group and look for a parenting plan.

Get your ex to sit down and show him the plan and tell him that this is going to be what his responsibility for the welfare of his child will be.

Explain that once your son is a bit older he will have him the whole weekend and probably for all his holidays, so no more football, going out with his pals etc. Build him a picture of how much his life is going to change as a result.

If he is prepared to make the commitment to you that he will meet those responsibilities then it is fair enough giving the child his name.

Show how prepared you are to do what is best for your son, and tell him how much you want your son to have a good relationship with his father.

Stress how important it is that he stays as long as possible to build the relationship with his son, and takes full advantage of every minute with his son that he can get.

Most likely he will look at everything involved and run a mile.

Court action never benefits anyone other than the lawyers

Everyday's the same again...

your name. my daughter has her fathers and now that i'm with my new partner we are expecting (7 years on, so it's not that fast) and she'll be "bloggs", i'll be "smith" and my partner and baby will be "jones". How screwed up! at least if she'd had my name, i'd stick with it for the one on the way meaning the odd one out would be my partner.

birdy

if i was in ur situation i dnt think id let the child have his name but all this fighting is no good 4 the child i would compromise somehow but make sure u have the final say.......y dont u double barrel the names but sure yours goes last!!

Wendy H

Simple fact is your not paying for this, the tax payers are, its an unlimited pot for you and your partner who can dip into it all the time without any worry about the true financial cost.

Your son has a father at 16 when he is old enough to decide what he wants to call himself he will/can change his name anyway.

While someone else is paying they should force you to settle or make you pay once you go over, a certain amount. Had you had to pay the bill yourself it would have been agreed long before now.

Dennis M

YES,IT IS ONLY RIGHT GIVE HIM HIS FATHERS LAST NAME.........HOPE I HELPED........

mudgirl

He is the father.The child has the right to carry his fathers name.Maybe hyphenate it as a compromise.

jacs

give him his dad's name as he grows up the child will decide for themselves about what his dad's like let the child see him for what he is. it's one way to stop all the fighting was in same situation once once you stop fighting they loose interest any way

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