Teacher told my son I am not birth father? Should I seek legal representation?

evilattorney

It appears that the teacher handled this is a fairly insensitive manner. I would advise you to ask the principal for a meeting with you, your wife, the teacher and the principal. If you handle this calmly, you may be able to get your point across and cause the teacher to think before she speaks in the future - especially when dealing with very young children. However, many school officials are highly protective of their teachers and will use the excuse of "truth" to excuse the teacher's conduct.

Red Sunshine

First, I would talk with the teacher. Ask her why she felt the need to say these things to your son. If you are not happy with her explanation, then talk to the principal. If you are not happy with what the principal has to say, then take it to the superintendent. I don't think there's anything you can do legally, but you can definitely make the teacher answer for her actions.
Good luck!

The Sheriff is a-near!

Yup, that's the kind of case that puts presents under a lawyer's Christmas tree.

Allen H

the teacher had no right doing that....
Thats like my kids first grade teacher telling them that there was no such thing as Santa clause....I was furious! The teacher in question left the next year, her contract was not renewed!

Help

that is uncalled for, unprofessional, and defamation of character. I would contact legal support asap. This lady should be fired. He job is to teach students and give them an education. She is to teach them what is required in her course guidelines for that grade. This subject is not on that list and should only be left to parents. She needs to be removed.
Your job now is to let your son know how much you love him and will be there for him. Show him what a father really is.

Often imitated, NEVER duplicated

you're not his birth father, so what do you need legal reperesentation for?

you cannot sue the teacher for being honest and telling the truth (which is what you and the wife should have been with the boy)

talk to the school about the teachers behaviour. and give the boy whatever he likes to divert him from the topic maybe i donno ... man sorry .

Alexis

First Let's deal with your poor little guys depression, what makes a "Real" father is how much he loves you not who planted the seed in your mother and you are his real father so tell him that. Why his birth father left is no more your place to explain then it was his teachers to tell him any of this in the first place. Just tell him you don't know why he left except that you a certain it was not his fault his birth father just had his own problems to deal with.
Contact the school, the board of education and the local school board about this teacher I'd be tempted to file a Civil suit as well She had no right discussing this With your son with out his parents permission. I don't care what your listed as on their forms it's your household and it is up to you to decide when he should have been told. Whats she gonna do next tell some poor child they were adopted! She needs to be stopped before she harms other children

Alison

Wow, that is terrible. However, I do understand where the teacher is coming from. But in the end..she had no right. It is not up to her to explain things like this to the child. It is up to the parents. I mean it is like being adopted we are going to now fear that teachers will be telling every adopted child that their parents are not "real"? Ignorant is what this is. I would contact a lawyer, tell him that you want to press charges. The affect of this was emotional and has put him into a depression which it sounds like you should seek a child psychologist if it gets worse or doesn't get better. Good luck!

Makini Martini

You can't change what happened, but you can do your best to repair the feelings.
I would firstly go to the teacher and calmly tell her that it was not her business to involve herself, especially without consenting first. Remember there are many parents out there that never explain to children anything. So teachers try their best.

Keep re-assuring your son that you are his father, that birthing someone does not make a dad, but love and protection do. Tell him if you could have a son.. you would have chosen him, twice! In fact you did choose him, not only do you love his mother, but you adore him, and wanted to be a part of HIS family.
And then explain that life is not always what we want it to be, but we make the best of what we are given.

I would not persue legal action. but I would most certainly make the BOE, principal and teacher aware of how unfairly you thought your son was treated. Insensitive comes to mind.

EDIT- I'm sure everything will work out fine, as long as he knows he's loved, children are pretty resilient.

smartypants4892

Well, first and foremost, you should sit your son down and tell him that you are his 'daddy' (or whatever he calls you). You love him more than anything! Simply let him know he is loved, and maybe it will pass in time. Don't make a huge ordeal out of it at his age.

Then, I would march right up to that school and have a sit down conference with the teacher and the principal. Let them know your concerns and explain how angry it made you. I think legal action would be kind of harsh. She probably didn't know the situation and that your son hadn't been told. She was wrong, but legal is just a far fetch, I think.

IceBreaker27

I don't think this great legal case. What are your damages?

It's sad, wrong, and distressing, but I doubt most attorneys would take it. Sorry :(.

Complain to the school board. Send the letter certified.

curious115

I would do anything in my power to get this freak masquerading as a teacher. How dare she. Get your lawyer to write a letter to the school and the superintendent about her.

There - Take That

At the very least, she'd get a talking to that she wouldn't be likely to forget any time soon. She had no business doing that. When and how you and your wife choose to explain it to him is a private family matter. I'd at least get a formal apology from her and the school.

Almond

Yes, you should seek legal representation. The teacher is not qualified to be a psychologist and has over stepped her bounds.

No doubt she has caused this child irreparable damage and the school is liable for this damage. They should at least pay for the child to at least see a psychiatrist.

Jen M

Personally, I would contact not only the school's principal but, the school district as well. If you get no satisfaction then you should seek legal counsel ONLY if needed. You may really not even have a case. But, I think that the teacher should have not been the one to explain it to him.

Wuviewoo

If I was you I would get that ***** of a teacher fired thats not her place to tell your kid and I would sue the school for allowing that to happen. They need to pay for the emotional damage they have inflicted on your child.

Spock

My husband is not the birth father of my eldest son who is also 8 years old. But he has been raising him since he was an infant.
If my son came home and told me his teacher told him the same thing the teacher told your son, I would be infuriated. The teacher has no place to tell your son this stuff. That is for something the family does. If the teacher had any concerns about him thinking this, she should have came to you first about her concerns and not spoken to a child. Her actions were unprofessional and she should be reprimanded for this. I would speak to council as well as talking to the school board about this. Does she plan on telling other children that they are adopted as well? Her job is to teach the children math, english, science, not to teach them who there father is and who isn't.
As far as being his father or his step father...you are his dad, his father. Anyone can be a birth father, it takes a real man to be a dad.

You should definitely talk to the school about this. I don't think legal counsel is the way to go.

You fumbled my Torpedo

Sounds to me like someone has it in for your family.

Either that or the teacher's an idiot.

g0ne_aga1n

While I know this is heart-wrenching, and you don't want to see your son (yes, YOUR son since your the one raising him) upset or hurt, there is really not anything you can do to the teacher as in suing her or getting her fired. I do suggest talking to her and those above her and (calmly) expressing your feelings about the situation and how it should have been handled. I have a 3 year old who loves her daddy to death and I hope that when we finaly do tell her that he is not her "birth father" it will be us that has the chance to tell her and not some teacher who could personally care less about her or her feelings. Explain to your son that a dad is someone who loves you and takes care of you. Someone who holds you when you are scared or don't feel well, and who hugs and kisses you when you are happy. Ask him if you do all those things? And when he replies yes, then tell that must mean your his daddy, no matter what anyone else thinks or says. Also, let him know that you will always love him and be there for him. (because in his mind if his "birth father" left, what would stop you from doing the same?)

wizjp

Telling your son the truth is probably not illegal. Most teachers probably assumed you have already had this discussion with the child; it will come up sooner or later.

Tactless; but probably not illegal

illusionofglass

What you should do now, is explain what a father really is. Take him aside and tell him nobody can tell him you are not his father because a father is the man in your life who is there to care for you, support you, love you, lead you and spend time with you. I don't know how great his biological father is, if he's in your son's life or if he is distant, but if he is around and active with him, tell him there is no reason he couldn't have two fathers in his life. Meaning both love him and care for him.

What happened with this school is unbelievable. I cannot imagine someone upsetting a child like this and you have every right to be infuriated. I would take the situation to the board of education and speak with the superintendent voicing how your child was treated and is now a confused mess because some teacher thought it was their place to tell your son the "facts" about your home life. Then I would also go as far as to write a kind letter to the teacher letting him/her know that you did not appreciate what they said to your child and that you have full intention of speaking to someone higher on the ladder regarding it and ask that they refrain from doing it to anyone else's child until something is said or done. This way, the teacher knows you know about it, that the child has said something about it, that it is a problem for you and you plan to take action on it and maybe they will spare another child's mind in the process.

And you are a "real" father... this is what your son needs to know now. He says he wants you to be and you are. Biological does not mean real in the respect that some kids have to live with only their mothers. You know this, he's going to have to learn everything you know about it already.. since someone else rudely brought this to his attention.

Jonathan D

Contrary to what many here have said, you do not need to consult a lawyer. What the teacher did is not illegal, but it is unprofessional. I would go to the school district and raise hell.

What I think you should do is to explain to your son is that although you are not his "birth father" you can still be his dad.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. The teacher's actions are not excusable.

J.C.

Talk to the school.

Legal action is not neccessary.

kaNDii_appLe

The nerve of some people... I agree with Alison about pressing charges but you might want to talk to the school first. Confront the teacher && ask why they felt the need to tell your son this. Make sure you tell her what's happened to your son since that day && how uncomfortable this has been for your family. Talking to kids about "step-parents" && biological parents is a very serious && sensitive subject.. I'm pretty sure that it wasn't in her job description either. If you're not satisfied with her explaination then I would press charges. Don't go through the trouble of contacting anyone else within the school.

And don't listen to people who think that you're just looking for a settlement. This has probably scarred your son for life. He wasn't ready to find out about this && it's made him confused. Money's not going to heal what this ignorant teacher's done.

Barry C

welcome to the modern world.

the teacher, by your account, gve completely factual answers, telling him what he already knew.

and at age 8, he now has the cognitive skills to make the connection. It would have happened soon enough anyway.

let go of your rage to the teacher.

this happens to every step parent. it doesn't mean you are not his real father. you just have to explain how lucky he is to have two fathers, and especially you who cares for him in the way his birth father can not.

I am not hitting on you for your parenting skills like others, but this is parenting 101. I think you sound like a good guy and a good father, I bet you can get details on how best to handle this from any number of web sites that provide support to step parents like yourself. It is hardly too late to do it, but google is your friend. Look it up now, and make it a special thanksgiving for you and your son. yes, you and *your* son.

good luck!

anonymous asker

You weren't monetary damaged by it so you won't win any damages or settlements BUT, you need to complain to the board. The teachers unions make it so hard to fire a teacher.

Santa's Helper

Your child, need's to know he is loved, he is confused, upset and is only 8yrs old.Sit him down and let him ask the question's, he will grow up fast, and you don't wan't him hating you. This teacher rattled your cage, I would talk to the her and let her know how your child is feeling now, she will have to deal with him while in school, and that is so important ! His trust has been crushed.. You need to build this with him , he might play on this, but tell him he has a little brother who looks up to him and proud of him as you both are.... As for suing.. well........ i think the main issue here is (a happy family ) cheer's to you

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: