What do you do when your in- laws meddle into your family affairs?
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What do you do when your in- laws meddle into your family affairs?
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My dad has Alzheimer's and my sister-in-law, who lives far away and is in no way involved in the care giving (it's only my mom and I), is trying to tell us that as a family we have to be proactive and thinking about a possible nursing home for my dad. I think we're doing great right now, my dad is at home receiving excellent care, etc. In addition, she keeps comparing our situation to her mother's and is being really negative about the whole thing (for ex. I pity you guys who have to go through this, blah, blah, blah). Yes, it's difficult but we don't have to hear all those comments from her. Any suggestions?
Additional Details
The other problem is that my brother tends to take her side sometimes because she's a very "strong" person. He then repeats what she says and I know where all that is coming from (her).
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arglebargle
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I am sure that she is not intending to be hurtful. She is just speaking from experience and some people don't have that filter between their brain and their mouth. I would firmly say to her next time that she calls that, while you appreciate her concern, you and your mother are doing great and have everything under control. And change the subject. Next time she brings it up, remind her once more and change the subject. One more time and say that you have asked her twice to leave it be and if she cannot respect your wishes, you will not be able to speak to her about family matters. It is difficult in these situations because you don't want to cause fights in the family (especially when it is none of their business) but you are so upset about what is happening. I would say to just try to remember that her words are coming from a good place, even though they come out totally wrong. If she doesn't respect your wishes, that is not someone you want in your life too much anyway. |
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abfabmom1
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Well, generally, I do what I'll recommend to you, which is to take it for what it's worth. Her intent is to be helpful...recognize that, and be thankful that she cares enough about you to share her past experiences, and to help you learn from her mistakes.
That said, it's probably smart of you to let her know how it makes you feel. Just say, "Jane, I really appreciate that you care enough to try to help. But your negative comments only add to the strain, and I'd it would be much more helpful if you could try to keep those to yourself." My guess is that she'll be shocked at her own bad behavior, realize how much she's been contributing to the problem, and apologize profusely for adding to your pain. |
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oldmarine08
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I tell them to butt out! |
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the Mouse flipping off the Eagle that's about to Eat It?
Peeing into the Wind?
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