A marriage issue: what should I do?

WHAT NOW?

People are people regardless where they are from.
. I have been working on that exact same problem for years. It stems from low self esteem and also, lack of knowledge that you are doing it.
.My BF of a year has been really wonderful in helping me to change it. We have been together long enough that we have code words to tell each other that we are doing something that is going to cause problem. His for me i simply "wow".
.Perhaps f you sit down with her and tell her how much you love her and explain to her that it seems like she is always freaking out on you. And while you understand that she has stress and problems, she can not be acting this way with you. Explain that you don't want to have an unhappy relationship forever and that you want her to be happy. Once there becomes a deep conversation about it start doing your "man thing" and giving ideas and suggestions. Counselors, depression doctors, etc. If it seems constant, pay attention to when her cycle is. Every three week could seem constant. Perhaps she has PMS that is causing it.

kheserthorpe

I think that this will always be part of her (and, from what I've seen, most women's) character.

Whether it becomes more or less pronounced depends on you.

The more you react to it, avoid it, and respond to her 'unstable' behavior, the more she will do it.

The more you can be an emotional rock who does the right thing the better.

Its like a child throwing tantrums, if you cave in to them or do things to avoid them, you are training them to throw more tantrums. Do not let your wife's unstable behavior be rewarded. Much like a child, they don't, deep down, WANT you to respond to it. When your wife is emotionally reeling, she throws her feelings at you. What she needs (though she may not realize it in the moment) is for you to be STRONG, to be able to brush aside her feelings and do the right thing and tell her things are still fine, AND to still love her. This will make her feel loved and secure.

The more you can simply do the right thing, ignore tantrums, and still love her, the less she will behave this way. She will have been taught that it doesn't accomplish anything, and furthermore, she will FEEL less unstable because she will have confidence in your stability.

dionysia04

Marriage is a commitment and if there was something wrong with you that cannot be helped, you would hope that your partner and best friend in life will try and help you not see you as a burden.

It sounds like she has something that hasn't been diagnosed yet. Go and get her some help it could be easily solved.

Bryan

People rarely change and you cannot change her. You dont mention children, so I assume there are none. That being the case, I would suggest to you that either be prepared to deal with you are experiencing now for the rest of your life or cut your losses before it gets worse.

Curious

Get her some help! You married her and accepted her behavior before so why is it a problem now?

centbrneyz

well,
I think if you love your wife
you should sit down and talk to her..remember you guys are from two different countries
your beliefs are not the same
you decided to marry a woman from korea and that mean you were not afraid of change
you loved her and accepted her for her
surely there is something about her that attracted you to her,,right??
sometime our friends can be so critical..its not theyre live,,it is your life
this is your wife and no marriage is easy ..I dont care what country you came from
you are her husband and maybe she has alot on her mind
when you get married you always in some form make adjustments in your life
this is one of the sacrifaces you have made,,so work with it and dont give up
its easy to walk away..but it takes a strong loving man to talk about it work it out,,
the abusive behavior is something you dont have to indure at all so after you talk about it if she cant respect you as her husband..then you should let go,,but dont give up so easy

Willian

I am in a extremely similar situation... and my wife is chinese. I begun to think that this behaviour is part of asian culture, often making comments on things they know it will hurt, or swearing on things that are not even wrong... are just... a different way. I think it is an image of dominance that asian women have, and the young men are accepting. They dont have the same concept of equalty in a relationship, they consider that the man has to sacrifice for the woman. Now.. I am not saying that this is the general rule.. but I've seen a LOT of this among different asian countries.

they want to be considered perfect, while they can critisize you, but you cant to the same to them. It is something you gotta learn how to deal with. And listen to my experience... if your wife comes from a conservative family (for western point of view) , try avoiding get her in contact with girls with pushy kinds of behaviours, I notice from my wife that she had never done hurtful comments, and swear to me before the day that she told me a co-worker of hers(girl) asked if she had ever made those sort of hurtful comments, or questions just to tease me. From the day she got in contact with this girl she started this behaviour with me. Honestly I would appreciate getting in contact with you if u dont mind? my email is willian.kc@hotmail.com

Piglet

Your friends are right, you seem to have made a bad choice of wife. Still, you're committed now, not much you CAN do...

Tara

everybody has there bad traits, you just need to see what you fell in love with. its easy to walk away but you could have a lifetime of regret if you don't make it work for as long as you can. when you see that bad just think of the good and how your life would be without her, you need to ask yourself could you really live without her.

JUNNIPER

She jealous you have to nurture her. hold her love her passionately and laughter together. Make her feel so loved that she wont have to worry about anything. I think she is scared. I felt the same way at times I just wanted to leave cause my husband Had way to many boundaries for me and none for himself. I cry he never held me and never acted like he cared at all.

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