A question for women?

debjen1975

No he would not be my best friend. No I wouldn't let him come around. (Does he want the fun without the commitment?) Yes the kids would be affected, but better sooner rather than later. No he wouldn't see my kids.
Move on and find the right one.

cariebear197

Well, I wouldn't not be working to begin with. I don't expect a man to be the total bread winner as I wish to be a partner. That is great you have been taking care of the kids and helping support her but as for spending time after you leave, that sends a difficult message to the kids. I'm good enough to visit but not good enough to live with? I would hesitate in doing this. Unless you adopted them and were devoted to raising them up thru college, I would recommend distancing yourself. I think that what you have done is more then fair (ie, paying rent etc..) but I would not believe you because if I was your best friend, we could stay roommates with no benefits till I got on my feet and landed a job. Friends help out in binds and it looks like she is in one and yet you are bailing and wanting to still see the kids, you are expecting too much but then again each situation is different. I just know I walk a different path with no bias to her world or yours. Take care.

galpal

This sounds very clinical. There must be something that led to this decision on his part? What happened between you two? A lot depends on that.
Were things going wrong? No man will just up and leave for no reason. I think you need to work on that part, for a clearer answer.

âˆž sky3000 âˆž

Not a best friend. I wouldn't even say he's friendly.

He didn't give you a clue that he was planning this or expressed anything? That's just wrong and I would think pretty hard before I let this person back into my life.

thebigB

that is nice of him to pay the bills...but why did he leave?? if you was his best friend dont you think he would still care about you...yeah I wouldnt believe it...and no i wouldnt let him see the kids.

lifelover66

Does anyone believe in marriage before living together anymore??It would solve alot of problems.. And it would really help out the innocent parties like the KIDS.....

Leilani O

i don't know if i would believe him.a year is a very short time for a relationship.and if he stepped out on me in such a short time i don't think i would want to see him.and what for, The kids are not even his. The kids would be affected if they had a big bond.Well if the kids would want to see him,I will be OK whit it.It all depends in,why did he leave.

mrs_endless

it is commendable of a man to take on the role of a father to children who is not his. Yes his absence will affect those kids because thy have no positive male role model, now if the male was a drunk, drug user, abuser and such...then good riddance...in the long run the kids will be better off....hopefully. If the male is a positive person in their lives then sure it would be OK for him to see them. I am sure that in a year a bond has been established. Everyone needs to remain cordial, and positive for the sake of the children.

undone

First off, I , as the woman, would be asking myself why the h*ll I was living with a guy I knew only a year. After I worked past that, I would think that ya, that was a reasonable financial agreement. As for the kids, ya they will be affected, just like they were when I moved the guy in ( geez). Parting as friends, possible and better for everyone. Might be better if "I" just focused on my kids on not on guys though. ((BUT ya, that is very fair, reasonable and everything of you I think.))) good-luck.

sandi_villanueva

I wouldnt want this guy coming around.... having been together for just a year is really not enough to make this person a permanent part of your life.. especially if there are no children tying you together.. I dont see a reason why you should allow this guy to keep seeing your kids.. this may confuse them and i dont think you should keep him as any more than maybe an acquaintance, if he's leaving you .. then he probably doesnt even care for this anyway... but those are my thoughts... dont confuse your kids :)

elle55407

UGH!! What a loaded question. 1) If she has been dependent on the man for the entire year, this would be quite a shock and an incredible emergency for her to suddenly handle. She doesn't have a job. And now, she suddenly has to find one to support her family. 2) No. I would not believe it. A best friend would not move out on me like this. 3) If the kids were attached to him, yes. I would want him to come around. For the kids sake ONLY, not for mine. 4) Because YES, the kids are affected by this. Children are very impressionable and need to feel safe and secure. You can't just zoom in and out of their lives as you please and not expect some updraft.

dianndeltol

Get a job

Kick this man out of your life

show him you are better without him

love your kids and take care of them

Best friend? MY A#$%^&

go get a better man

Shazela

To do what he did for you, he obviously still cares but may just have extremely good personal reasons for doing what he has done. Not everything is cut and dry in this world and this guy could have done this in many many different ways.... but he didnt! Don't let the beast out to play, just be to him what you have always been as guys like this are few and far between and not the klnd of guy you should burn your bridges with. Dig deep and stay friends if that's what he's willing to do. Be someone that he wants to share whats going on with and yes let him see the kids, all kids need kindness and it's obviously a trait he posesses. Maybe all this isn't about you, but rather just about him. Best wishes.

Joe C

This is an insane situation that does not warrant a sane answer.

Furthermore, you need this response from a man, not advice from women for your not-very-bright condition or lifestyle.

Help

I would think the best friend speech, was just that, a speech. However your actions show that you care about this person and what happens to the family. I would hope that the woman is mature enough to see what type of effect it will have on the children and offer visits if they choose to see you and that she is capable of supporting herself and her kids when you are gone. Depending on the ages of the kids when you came in would depend on how devastated they would be when you are not longer there. Regardless of whether you get visitation or not, you should address the issue of you not being around all the time anymore and let them know it has nothing to do with them and that they can contact you whenever (if that is what you want) i am sure you wouldn't want the guilt of knowing these kids are damaged because of you leaving when you could have easily address the issue and put their minds at ease. Kids need to hear it even if they don't ask. It is also very gentleman like to give notice and not just up and leave. Good Luck!

PEGGY S

It was nice of him to give a warning, however, the children will probably be somewhat affected by his departure. There is no reason that he can not remain a friend, however, I think that seeing the children would be too difficult for them. There may be some other male figure in their lives later on, and it could become a tug of war in their minds about who to care about. Also, it could cause problems for any future relationship that she may become involved in.

nelly

Wish the guy the best of luck. He's been honest and supportive. Not many men support kids that aren't his. Plus, is being honest and tells you he's leaving and gives you enough money to survive for at least a month. First, you need to find a job, and yes, regardless of your feelings for him, you should probably let him see the kids when possible. If he is really attached to them, he will come around, and it might hurt them, but things happen. Little by little they will understand that people can't stay together if things don't go right. I know it's hard, especially at the beginning, but it's a matter of time for you to move on and same for your kids. BEST OF LUCK !

Nana

You have to respect him. He's been honest and supportive and didn't leave you high and dry. I would like the kids see him. You don't have to be warm with him but don't be cold either. Just be as neutral as possible. This kids might be effected, depending on how old they are.

Sweetest Chocolate

i'd ay this guy is very generous and chivaliry-ish (hmm whats the word). The kids probably wouldn't get why he had to leave so i let him keep seeing to kids if they want. Because he paid the bills and gave the gf money afterwards id say that he really cares about her and even though they've broken up he wants to make sure the family does ok. Id still be his friend definantly out of gratitude and just becaause he'd proven himself dependable. The girl tho needs to take this oppritunity it get a JOB and get in her own feet. A girl shouldn't count on being able to depend on a man for money esp. a man who is not married to you If this guy was you i think you did a great job handling the situation like a real man. Like a gentleman.

lisapf7

Whoever this guy is is a LOSER. He is lazy, selfish, a moron and doesn't deserve a good woman or kids at all, ever.

If you're going to move in with a woman who has children ACCEPT THE RESPONSIBILITIES or don't see any women who have children!
This will ruin the kids lives forever, that is guaranteed. They will have insecure and unstable relationships themselves, won't be able to trust the male figure again and won't believe another man in their lifetime, even if they are a man themself.

I'm telling you, whoever this man is is trash, a loser, and selfish. Great he'll pay the bills. Great he'll cover her for only one single month after he's gone, but a REAL man would've married the woman, adopted and LOVED those kids as his own, and would've accepted responsibilities that came with his decision to move in with a mother and also realized that RELATIONSHIPS TAKE LOTS AND LOTS OF SUPER HARD WORK.

It's called compromise, selflessness, honesty, loyalty, integrity, charity, compassion, to name a few.
A REAL man will step up to it. A LOSER will not. The mother obviously trusted this man to accept the reality of his choice and take responsibility for it, so it's NOT her fault, no matter what! (unless she was PHYSICALLY PROVEN to have been having an "affair"). The man should NEVER have decided to hook up with this woman to begin with if he was going to be a big fat chicken **** and run away from it in the end.

What a loser. Poor woman and especially poor little kids!!!

kissmeagainnow

ohhh, I am not touching this one!!
GL with that!

az_mommma

My thoughts are, why would you move your kids in with a man who is not your husband? Especially if you were only together a year. You did this to them and have put them through your crap because you wanted to play house with this guy.

I would worry less about what this guy says and more about not making this mistake again. I would do what was necessary to make sure I was a better example to my kids. You need to start taking care of your kids and yourself without thinking you need a man to support you all. When you can do that then you can consider dating again, not shacking up, but merely dating.

Concentrate on your kids.... this guy is gone.

qwertatious

That's sick. Any woman who is sitting around on her *** all day while her husband is out working his *** off for a bunch of ungrateful children that aren't even his deserves to be left. If that were me, I wouldn't believe him that we were friends to begin with because I would have been using him! The woman in question is a leech. She doesn't care about the kids, she just cares about her next meal ticket and ah, having a bunch of kids that need mommy at home, helps her pity story!

thing55000

Me personally, I would allow him to see the kids if the kids wanted to see him, and I would let him come around on a friends only basis.

Why not? The world's short enough of decent people and unless he's done something beyong the line (violence, drugs, etc), then all that happened is he fell out of love. Sad but at least he's honest.

What's better ~ dishonest and keeps you on a string for years, maybe even plays around, or honest and tries to do the right thing?

To me, he sounds like a decent guy, even if he's not the right guy for you, and even if you are not the right girl for him. Grieve the loss, but at least it's just a year ~ you still have friends, places to go and a chance at fingding 'Mr Right'.

BUT, having said all that, I know most people aren't going to go along with me on this, and I probably would have thought differently years ago.

People get emotional and possessive and it's hard to understand how someone can 'love' you yesterday and not today ...

Can I just say, if you are the woman in this situation, do try to make a friend of him if it is possible. It's hard enough to find decent men, especially those who are responsible and care about kids, and are honest, not cheaters or rats.

If you are the guy in this, you may need to understand that whatever you do, her feelings and emotions will be hurt, she may feel you have rejected her as a person and it may take a while for her to understand you want to do the right thing. You may have to be a friend to prove yourself as a friend, and that may mean listening to her pain for a while without moaning. It may never be possible, but trying won't hurt.

Anyway, good luck to you both, and best wishes :-)

Magaroni

Of course the kids are affected. I would definitely let him see them - he sounds like one of the good guys. She sounds like one of the bad girls. It was irresponsible for her to shack up with a guy when the relationship is so new, and to have no means of supporting herself and her children. He was a saint for paying for her and her kids, and especially for giving her notice and paying the bills up so she would have a cushion. Geez. Does this guy have a brother?

Colleen O

Why would I want him coming around? I have too much self respect. First of all I would have made sure my children's father was supporting them as he should have been during this "living arrangement" since they're not this other guy's responsilbity. Secondly I wouldn't be living with anyone other then my kids period. Thirdly why would I let him see my kids? He isn't their father so he doesn't get any visitation rights. Frankly I wouldn't be dumbassed enough to get into this relationship to begin with.

advicemom

Of course I would believe it. Assuming you're asking for yourself, and you're the guy paying the bills, I'd say she was lucky to get the ride for as long as she did. It sounds like you're being very upstanding. If she says otherwise, well then you have another good reason to leave! If she doesn't let her kids see you, and they are attached to you, shame on her.

Red

You need a job

vannili

I speak for myself, this man is very kind that I took advantage of him, I thought that my ahhh, is enough for him to work hard to pay my bills and support my kids and now he is tired and leaving me,this wake up my senses that gold digging is not forever.Yes, I will believe him,and I would like him to come around, I will work my bu.tt and take care of my baggage and help pay the bills ,love him, care for him to win his love..Yes the kids will be affected,'cause mommy has to work. I would allow this guy to see my kids, he sound like a great Uncle,.Do you have a single brother who like a woman with no baggage?

getmymackon

You want the breadwinner back don't you? Cos now you gotta getta job.

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