A serious question for the ladies?

Supergirl

Havent been in your situation, but i know people that have, i have seen it work both ways, people getting back together and being as unhappy as they were before and people getting back together and getting their spark back........what it comes down to though is-it looks like shes made up her mind,as much as it hurts, if she doesnt want to try, as it takes two, then you have to respect that and try and move on and find happiness with someone else. i dont think she'd ever forget about you, you never know maybe some time apart will make her relise how much she misses you,

eagledreams

At least the communication channels are open this can only be positive. Could you arrange a weekend away for just the two of you and persuade her to at least try it. Now I heard of this working for someone in your position. Ready??
On the weekend away try to inject a different slant book single rooms........pretend that you have just met for the first time, woo her......talk to her.....probe the mind as if you know nothing of her and persuade her to do the same with you. Tentatively as you would with a new person in your life............build up to the first kiss....romantic and sensuous........really go with it.
I know a couple who tried this..........and it worked wonders.

IF this works......build on it....learn to explore each other again......read about new things to introduce to the bedroom...if it gets that far.........reinvent ............

If there is still love there.....make her fall in love with you again....be off the wall even.....surprise and delight her/.

I know sounds like heart work but faint heart never won fair maid.

angel

do a thorough search,was there a way u missed it?perhaps you didnt show her u cared or u ignored her or something to have taken the sparks away.compare this moment to the times u first met her.were there cool stuffs u did then that u aren't doing anymore?do u still appear well?and a whole lot u have to consider and correct before its too late n u die of pain and make ur children suffer the consequences of a broken home.tell her how u feel and say u want to change to make it work out.

You have to find out what made the spark go out.......really take off the pride glasses, look at your self first, see what you could do or could have done to keep the flame burning.In my opinion, if there isn't anyone else as of already, there will be soon, women can't live without feeling that they are attractive and desired,and loved, you may still have a chance, but you will have to work at it, and don't be lazy.......and don't change after a week, and think everything will be ok.I don't mean to be mean but it was probably your fault, if you are like most men....sorry but you asked......

danika1066

It depends on whether or not this was a spur-of-the-minute decision for her. Maybe she's just feeling burned out ... ? If she truly has made her mind up 100%, then she will probably move on, but perhaps she isn't really sure. Maybe she just needs space.

dunnuck1

it can go both ways dipens on the woman but I belive if you are a the lovening husband to her then she will change her mind

bluez

What people don't seem to understand is that over the years the spark DOES fade in a marriage. It's inevitable...but it in no way means you should end the marriage! People get married and they get used to each other to the point where the 'excitement' is gone...but the marriage isn't. She should really reconsider. Sure, she could go find someone else and the spark will be there, but give it a few years and the spark will be gone, then what? Go on to the next guy? Good luck......

Nutty Girl

i can't give you a 100% definate yes but my husband and i spilt up the house got sold etc and we got back together we had got into a rut and thought ending was for best it took a few months and we realised things had got out of hand and now we have changed house and thing are so different.
let her get her space and see how it goes all the best of luck to you.

hazilbabe

been and done it if she feels like this now and you try to change her mind she will prob stay for a while then cheat on you and the both of you will end up hating each other i know its hard and hurts but if you an separate and be mates its better for kids and she might find out what she Has lost and come back to you

anemoneplum

try to think why the spark has gone out, very often we get caught up with the everydayness of life and forget that we still need to romance our partners, not buying stuff,just little acts of tenderness and not taking each other for granted. I thought I had lost the spark at one time, but seeing my husband in the gym and noticing other women eyeing him up made me stop and look at him with fresh eyes, and I realised that we both had taken each other for granted and that I didn't want to lose him. it is hard work, I would try, but if she says that's that then move on. xx

Avid

Sorry, but no, once I made up my mind I was done with my ex, there wasn't anything he could have done to make me change it. I didn't love him anymore, plain and simple, and there was no way either of us could fix that - without love, there was no reason to try.

You may be able to persuade her to give it another try depending on why she really wants to end things; a lack of 'spark' can be rekindled - a lack of love cannot. Talk to her, find out if there's anything you could do (or not do) to salvage your marriage, see if she'll go to a marriage counselor with you, etc.

I wish you luck.

ladylove

Love and relationships are a funny thing. If u feel with all your heart that u don't wanna give up, then maybe you can suggest some marriage counseling. If she refuses, then ask her if she need some separation time (as hard as it may be) sometimes women need space to collect their thoughts and decide what is really the underlying issue within themselves. I truly hope everything goes well with you.

topdog

ask yourself why has the spark gone out of your marriage.there probably isnt anyone else but she may have her eye on someone she considers to be more spontanious and makes her feel good. the grass is greener syndrome cos she's bored with life. ask yourself seriously in the hustle and bustle of life work and the kids when was the last time you saw her as a woman and not a wife and mother. there is a difference you know

Emily Hobhouse

You are going through a tough time. Read your other postings.
Your wife says the spark has gone out of your marriage. You might need some counselling. It always makes me angry when I hear this of a parent. It is so immature. People should sort out their lives before they have children. However, that's beside the point.
It takes two to make a marriage. I think if you do split up, your wife will regret it later. You sound like a wonderful husband and father and your wife sounds immature. However, if you're too "needy" she's going to fight for her point of view. She needs to remember why she loved you and start developing her respect for you. She's calling the shots now. It is up to you how you respond. Pleading will not help your case. Keep your dignity. Please seek counselling with professionals who can help you both reassess the situation.

physandchemteach

I cannot speak for your wife, but there is no way I could ever get back with my ex. When I make up my mind that the feelings are gone and it is over - that's it. There is no going back. When it is over I move on with my life.

daisys

I have been there (your wife's side) I will tell you that my husband made my life a living hell for 3 years of separation. Then my mom pasted away and he came to the rescue. He moved back in and helped me deal with my loss (as much as he could) I decided to give him another chance even though I was not in love with him thinking things have changed. I was wrong! I did not want to hate him but his not letting up was making me dislike him more then anything. You can not make someone love you again or feel those feelings again. To be honest would you really want someone who does not want you but is only with you because you persuaded her? When you love someone you want them to be happy and even though you may think that you can make her happy maybe what she needs can't come from you. Trust in your love and let her go. Who knows maybe when she sees what's out there she will appreciate what she had. I know it's tuff I have been on both ends. Good luck.

Ariali

When you got married did you vows not say "for better or worse"? Marriages get stronger the more things you can over come together the whole point is in order to make you relationship stronger you have to suffer sometimes and go through things together. If there's no spark you cant just give up, that's the easy way out and that's the problem with society now a days, everyone think that because one isn't happy they can just get a divorce. NO you have to work things out why take the easy road? Regardless of what you choose to do, stay together or separate someone will suffer, so why not make the suffering worth while and fight to stay together bring back that spark! There no reason why you cant do it its just people dont like to try and they dont like the hard way. But what will you be teaching your children? That its ok to give up on the people or things you love because its TOO HARD?

zoe_ruby_slippers

My friend has just gone through exactly the same thing, and she was in the same position as you. It broke her heart. He said he saw her as a friend now and wasnt in love with her. They talked alot and she assumed he may have someone else which he denies. All I can say is it takes 2 people for a relationship to work and life goes on once people end their marriage.

My friend-after 2 weeks of hell, has now got back with her ex. Apparently he is really trying hard to be affectionate etc like he used to be and they are happy for now.

Good luck hun, you deserve to be happy and make sure your kids are happy too whatever decision is made.

good tree

Most people don't really want to end their marriage, maybe she is seeing someone else, maybe not. There are ways to rebuild a marriage, I'm giving you a link that might help.

hoyhoydc

What casued the relationshio to fall apart. Typically when women end the relationship it;'s over for good. ANd also they have found someone else. Once you're divorced he'll surface.

Check out the following website. It can answer your questions better than I can.

http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/

Sorry about the pain...been there...done that!

dappersmom

Honestly, it could go either way. Doesn't sound like anyone did anything horrible to the other so there is hope. It also doesn't sound like your wife has realistic expectations of marriage and long term relationships. These ups and downs and dying and igniting of 'sparks' are normal. They happen to every married couple and the ones that make it are the ones that hold on and find ways to reignite the sparks. You could suggest marriage counselling, but if she has her mind made up she will probably find that the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. However the problem is the damage that could be done to the relationship while she's figuring that out.

schnikey

Sorry, but you can't force someone to "fall in love" with you again.
Remain as positive and supportive and understanding as possible. Keep the communication lines open. Never use guilt trips or accusations. Never allow the children to say anything negative about either of you.
Some relationships improve once there is a divorce.
Trying to force yourself back into her life may cause her to pull away further. Be an adult and be the very best parent to your children possible and be a true friend to her during this time.

It is normal to feel pain. You may feel grief, regret, remorse, anger, and depression as well...allow it. Be forgiving.

free_angel

When I got a divorce I refused to go back and walk back into what I left. I put it all behind me and got on with my life. The ex and I talk but only if it pertains to our kids. The pain will diminish, life goes on.

goldengurl412003

Yea, once a mind has been made up and the spark has gone its pretty much over. Keep in mind it is nothing personal. People change.. we all do. Things change and our emotions change also. But let me ask you this. In your mind.. do you see the marriage as "nothing wrong"? If you do see the marriage as something being not quite right.. is it worth the sadness, emptiness that you both must feel to keep it going for the sake of the children or what you want or think a marriage should be? While I believe each person plays a role in making a marriage work..sometimes the work put into making it work is not worth it. I myself am in a marriage as you have described. However I stay for the sake of "being what its suppose to be" not really being happy in it. I have to say.. I am mostly miserable. I lack the ability to enjoy what most couples should enjoy. I do the cooking, cleaning, and all that comes with it as a chore, not for the sake of wanting to. In other words.. I lack life in general. Do you want that? If not.. then I say let her go and get on with your life. No, I do not think there is anything you can do to persuade her. If she forgets you and finds someone else.. there is nothing you can do about that. I know you are in alot of pain. I do feel for you. I also am in alot of pain. But its a different kind of pain. Your pain is from her telling you the truth in how she feels. Mine is pain from not telling the truth in how I feel and living a total lie. As hard as it is to accept.. be happy that you do have another chance in finding happiness and be happy that she was woman enough to be honest with you. Good luck. Who knows.. she may change her mind after you guys have spent some time apart. Just go with the flow the best you can.

ldcinders

Look at what attracted u to her in the first place.
Where did u go on ur first date?Take her there again.
try to recindle that romance that was there all that time ago.If she still loves u then its worth ago at trying to sweep her off of her feet again.Sometimes people get so used to each other that they start to be come habit.Break that habit b4 it breaks u two.It will be hard but try and woo her again like the first time u met her.Sily little things can help as well like flowers.We all do it we buy them things that tell them how much we care but once we have got about 2 years in thr relaionship it all goes down the pan.Hold her if she will let u do something romantic try everything u can think of.But if she still want sto go then please dont fight as u have got children and they will fel like its their fault.Good luck with ur marrage and i hope this little bit of info helpsx

dianne s

maybe a bit of time apart will make her realise she cant be without you. sometimes people go through periods of uncertainty and dont know what theyve got until they nearly lose it. maybe try and spend some quality time together without the kids. try to talk to her to find out her true feelings. if at the end of the day it doesnt work you will need to be strong for yourself and your kids. there is nothing worse than knowing your partner doesnt want to be with you anymore and is only still there through pity.your wife is probably hurting too but if it is over i promise it will get easier with time and the pain will fade. you must be strong! good luck!

sam g

it will only work if you both really want it to , you cant make her , try doing some of the stuff that you did when you first met , what made her fall in love with you in the first place,try and do something really special for her make a photo albun of you both together from all stages in your relationship , so she remembers all the good times you had together, its worth a try!

Good Luck hun , i hope things work out

( its good you still see alot of each other because of the kids)

jesse_lovebug

There could be a lot of factors for her feeling this way , but beleive me the more u try and stay and work it out the more she will resist u. Remember men think logically and women think emotionally. If you do move out and get your own place you need to "act" like this is ok with you, women tend to want their men back if they see them moving on with their life and are not begging to be with them., Nothing is more of a turn-off than a man begging to be with a woman. Dont date other women, be coordial but just completely back off and dont discuss your feelings with her, let her think that it was her idea to talk and maybe work it out, by not letting her know what is really going on in your life. Women hate not knowing. If she knows you want her so bad, she dont have to think about where your realationship stands she already knows, but if she doesnt know what is going on in your life (to an extent) then it makes her analize the situation. Take it from a woman, when a guy and I broke up and it was my idea and he kept telling me that he wanted me back etc... It was no big deal, but when He left and went on with his life, it bothered me and made me re-think this. The worst thing you can do is cry on her, her best friend, her family's shoulder it makes you look weak in her eyes, and again dont date other ladies until you know what is going on. Please email me if you ever need to talk and just want a female opion. Hang in there.

PS- is she a stay at home mom, or always taking care of somebody else and her family forgot to take some time out for her?? Who takes care of her?? There are alot of reasons women do this maybe it just is'nt you.

chas

sorry to hear about that david..i was married and i made up my mind that id never ever go back 100% actually 150% and i think my ex thinks there will always be hope there..but in my heart its over i cant go back there!! sometimes people say things to make the other person feel better i think...sometimes i think after alot of pain in a marriage i feel ..i cant go back there..but i was in a very emotionial abusive situation..my mom said something to me i will never forget love is like a bird if u let them go..and they dont come back then it was never meant to be...if its true love they will be back!!

Leapling

Hmm - sounds like something I said to my ex to be honest. It was the most difficult thing I ever had to say and I don't think there is anything he could have done to change the way I felt about our relationship. We didn't have children and so I imagine that your wife has thought about this even more carefully than I did.

I don't know if this will help you or not, probably not right now but 6 months after we split up my husband contacted me and said that I had made the right decision, that he was then in a wonderful relationship with someone he loved very much. I know that will seem impossible to you right now but I just wanted to tell you that either way there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Good luck with it all, I would take the friendship being offered by your wife and see where it goes, communication is everything at this stage.

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