A suspicious husband for 19 yrs.?

Hi I have been married for the past 19 years. When I newly got married, I had a male friend. just a friend that my best friend at that time liked...but it didn't work out for them. On one occassion I had accompanied my colleague (another friend)to where he was working because she wanted to meet her boyfriend.i did not tell my husband. i am an Indian. I knew that my husband would not approve. At that point of time , I was living with my mother in law. I love her a lot. She's a nice lady. The reason was because my husband could not afford a property outside. He was earning 450 only then. My aunties were against this marriage because they felf I could marry someone better, I had lots of proposals then. But I love my husband and we knew each other 6 yrs before marriage.He is a Gemini. and I am a Tauras. Coming back to the story...I accompanied my colleague. I felt guilty for deceving my husband but I wanted to do something good for her. When I was there, we use to chat until midnight outside in the park, because my room was being used by my friend and he other half. When I saw how matured my friend was, and him having a comfortable life....thats when my frustrations build up, first my husband was a totally different man to when he was single.....more mama and papa son and second I was 23 I missed my family and I came to stay with him..Third was the enviroment. It was not like my home. When I came back, I wrote an anoymous letter then threw it in the dustbin. My husband patched the letter and questioned me abt it. He says that there was so much intimacy in it that and accused me of having a one night stand with my male friend. (My male friend already had a girlfriend then and was soon to be married---he passed away a few years ago saving a bus load of people for the ravern..I did not know abt his girlfriend / wife., only came to know when I read the newspaper article written by his wife appreciating him so much and that he was a hero. He was a hero..and a great dad to his 12 yrs old son..and I salute to that) When I came back from work, his brothers took my handbag and search through it, I had the tickets of where i went (place), and a passport size photograph of him I wanted to matchmake him to another friend of mine.Didnt know abt his girlfriend then. Since then he never let go of it. I told my mum and sisters and they were very upset....my mum wanted to give him a piece of her mind, but I stopped her. She keeps saying that I dont deserve him. He is a good father, and sometimes a good husband but he always wants to win an argument. A few years has passby and he brings up the issue again. Now infront of my sons --17 and 10. He told my son that this ***** had an affair and so on. I have stood by him all this time, went through all the ups and downs with him . I use to get up at 4am in the mornings to pray for him, help his mum whenever she needs me and so on...19 yrs and this is the **** i get. yesterday, we had an argument and he said You should have a mother in law who is evil and a wicked family, then you know how to appreciate us....I just smiled and said....who says i didnt go through tough times........he got angry. he doesn't want to talk with me now......Before for many years I was not working, now I am . It keeps me busy. I always patch back with him. He told me not to talk to him.....what am I to do ? Should i leave him alone????