AM I being unreasonable?

My husband and I have been together for six years, no children yet.He has a 12 year old boy who I adore and get along really well.
Long story short. When we live din New Orleans his ex-wife was stalking us and harassing us for years. She slander me way too many times, she put rotted fish in my car, she killed my cat..etc, etc.
Was really unbearable was her telephone calls. It was endless and I asked my husband not to answer her calls 10 times a day because I was the new wife and he needed to respect that. After a while he agreed.
Due to Katrina we moved to a different city, we decided not to go back to New Orleans because we did not want be around her anymore.

Well, lately they been having sort of long conversations on the phone. She calls and they talk for 2o minutes or so. Before it was only business and text messages.
Apparently, couple of days ago some broke into her house and robbed her at gun point. My husband's son was in the house but was sleeping. Last night she called and they were on the phone for 1 1/2 hour. My husband stepped outside and didnt want me around the conversation. We were watching a movie and I had no Idea who he was talking to.

When he told me what happened I told him there was no need for him to spend 1 1/2 hour on the phone because of that. In 20 minutes she could have gone through the whole thing. He told me they were talking about their son. I told my husband "did she finally realize that New Orleans is too dangerous and that she should send your son to live with us?. HE said," not really she was talking about moving to a different neighborhoods and she was telling me of the properties she was lookint at",

I was like, what do you care?..He said to me, “well I dont give a f...ck what you think”.

I grabbed the remote, threw it to his head, told him to f..off. and proceded to sleep in the other room

PLEASE, do you think I exaggerated?. Be honest, dont sweet coat your words. I am so mad I cant even think right.

mORbid FaSi Na TioN

She put dead fish in your car and KILLED a poor defenseless animal?
and your husband doesn't have full custody?
I am sorry but there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with your husband that he doesn't find all this extremely disturbing.
I would have taken my kid away from her in a heart beat.

Your hubby needs to step up to the plate and make some serious changes!

Ms. GTO

He was wrong to hide the conversation from you, just as you were wrong to throw the remote at his head (although I would have probably thrown something MUCH heavier). She's the ex, you're there, she's not and she needs to get over it!

Angel's Wings

Yes, you over reacted. His son was in the same home during a violent crime, that probably freaked his mother out, big time!

You should only show concern about your step son and lay off with the whole jealousy thing with the ex wife...if I'm understanding you right, you live in a different town and have an otherwise happy marriage! Are you really suspicious of your husband or are you just looking for something to be there?

He was out of line as well in how he reacted to you, but he was just told his son was almost a victim of a crime, probably felt helpless b/c he had not been there to protect his son, etc.

Think about your husband, how vulnerable he is in having a son that is so far away and ask him how you can be a help to him during this time. Be really sweet and let him know that you aren't obsessing over the ex. He'll be relieved and appreciate your support! (I think, husbands please advise her on this!)

DO-Å¤HÄ™-mÃ…Å¤H

I don't think you did. You are his wife and have put up with enough crap from his ex. By spending that time on the phone with her that was time he was taking from you. I think you need to leave for a while to prove your point. If he wants a relationship with this needy psycho that had made life a nightmare for you in the past then he can have her. There are other men out there that will treat you right without all this baggage. You need to leave for a while. This will be the true test of his love. If he really wants to let his ex manipulate him like that then they deserve each other and you deserve a man that is 100% devoted to you. However don't throw things to prove your point-silence and leaving is way more effective. You need to be the sane one right now.

Alicia

You both over reacted a bit. What you could have come back with is that if you were talking about your son why did you have to leave the room?

If it continues then you might have a problem. The fact that she doesn't live near you helps a little.

(celestial) baby due July 17

The fact that he felt the need to hold his conversation private so that you couldn't overhear....I would have thrown him out already. My dad cheated on my mom and that was one of the first warning signs. He lived in Ohio and was cheating on my mother with an ex-girlfriend who lived in Illinois - so it is not impossible to cheat over a long distance. He became more distant, was picking more fights (to justify to himself why he should be looking elsewhere for affection), grew careless about my mom's opinions, and liked being alone or at work (so that he could call/text the other woman, we found out). Your husband should have no secrets from you, and when it comes to an ex-wife, he has to value your wishes above all else. Why would he choose to battle this with you unless it meant something? I say to end the relationship. If my husband EVER said the words "I don't give a f**k what you think" to me, it would be OVER IMMEDIATELY. Because what I think should mean everything to him.
Also...
The fact remains that you will always have to deal with her. For the rest of your life - when the boy graduates, gets married, has babies...can you imagine living with that, always wondering, always worried if your husband still has feelings for her? Sometimes after a person leaves someone else, they forget the reasons why they're not together. Memories become a lot more unrealistic and rosier than they really were, and he might be dreaming about his younger days, his first love, and he may never get over it. He may never let you fill that void. Personally, all the stress would not be worth it to me. I will never be second-place to anyone.

Wisen Smart

Here it goes.....the fact that your husband put up with all of that harassment without reporting her to the authorities nor changing phone numbers, tells me there are still feelings between them and the fact that he talks to her about things other than their son's issues after all the horrible things she did to you, reconfirms it. .

I would get out of that relationship as soon as I can. It is heading downhill, all the signs are there. It was very wrong of him to speak to that women for more than one minute unless he feels something for her. You should be #1 in his life (after his son) and he owes you respect. I smell rat and, again, things are going to get worse. One thing you will always be fighting about is their feelings for each other. They deserve eachother, sounds like your husband is as much of a character as her. Get out and good luck

BadBoy

Dump this loser.

benjamin m

Put yourself in your husband' shoes. His son and his Son's Mother were robbed at gunpoint. That is terrifying! I don't care how long he was on the phone with her. I understand she has done a lot to try and damage your life but this is his child and this child's safety should be his #1 priority at the moment. And why shouldn't he care where his son is going to be living? Just because he replaced his wife with you doesn't mean he has replaced his son.

stone

well yes you did when you tossed the remote at him. he and her had the kid together, so he will talk to her about him. i know an hour and a half is a little much. tell him how you feel in stead of yelling and throwing things. that Will only make things worse for both of you.

Yeah, I think you did. Throwing things is never an appropriate response, no matter how angry you are. And if you agree that his son's currently in a bad environment, then it isn't unreasonable for him to take the time he needs to try and figure out how to improve the situation (though granted, he shouldn't have responded to your annoyance the way he did). If you think that he should be fighting or at least asking her for primary custody, then take that up with him when you're calm enough to discuss it.

Bella

Throwing the remote is not a good thing, but your feelings are completely justified. This is especially so if she really did the things you sited above. She sounds like a psycho and why would your husband want to give her the notion in anyway that she is welcome in your lives via the phone or otherwise.
Granted because he has a son with her, there are times when they have to communicate about his son, but that is it. His conversations with her should be limited exclusively to his son-period. And why would your husband not want you privy to his conversation? What is it that he did not want you to hear. Set up clear boundaries of your expectations as far as his relationship with the ex. Unless she has to talk with him specifically about the son, her problems are not his. She needs to work those out on her own.

Monday Monday

Question how did you come about being this mans wife? Because that woman sure sounds like a very hurt person. Dump by her husband for another woman/mistress. I think its called revenge. Just a thought, an opinion.

Granted a lot of stuff has happen between you and your husband but he will always share a bond with is first wife and that is his child. And you will always be second.

Conflicted

His reaction was that of a concerned parent, but he still shouldn't have said it.

Your reaction was. . . .a bit out of control.

snipe1967

Yes, you overreacted. To me, and probably to your husband, you were basically saying, "your son or me". You are jealous of his ex-wife. That's what this is about. But you didn't even consider that his son was in the house when this happened or show the proper restraint. What is an hour and a half when talking about the safety of his son?

mem11363

The entire focus of his conversation with his wife was likely about the safety of his son, and maybe a bit about her safety also. He was very scared for his son. You were way out of line yelling at him that night.

Lisalooo

my son is 19. his father and i have been divorced for 5 years. i still have conversations with him about our son and they are pretty lengthy. but the way i feel is, if i still wanted him i would be with him. the same goes for your husband. if he still wanted her he would still be with her and not you. and maybe he knew how you would re-act so that is why he left the room. if you dont give him a hard time about it he will start having these conversations in front of you. lighten up!

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