Advice with reconnecting with my husband?

My husband and I met after both of us were previously involved in bad relationships. So we were relieved to find each other. Shortly after we started dating, crisis after crisis came up and we came through together. His ex sought for sole custody of his kids, he lost his job, my mom had a serious accident and almost died. We went through all this together and were very close and tried to have as much fun as possible.

Fast forward and we are married with 2 beautiful little kids. We both have decent jobs and there is no current crisis and things are good.

But we don't connect anymore. My husband is a salesman and he talks to people all day. He talks to people all the time. Sometimes when he is talking to me, I feel it is just another sales pitch. We will do this, do that. But usually nothing comes of it.

I know that people will say that we need crisis to come together. But I am enjoying the peace right now. Instead of appreciating him, he is irritating me. And vice versa. I don't want the sales pitches anymore, and I tell him that.

If any of you have any psychology background, I could use some insight into how to make this better.

oracleofohio

Read a book together. Find a topic that is interesting to you both, but one that neither of you has any prior knowledge of. It could be a novel, non-fiction, anything really. Keep the book in the bedroom and take turns reading it out loud to each other. See if your conversations turn into less of a sales pitch and more about passion for something you are enjoying or learning about together.

You could also have a little controlled crisis. Do something daring together, something that requires trust and support of one another. If you're daring enough to try an extreme sport together, do it! If you're less daring, be a little less daring. Activities like these have helped me and my husband to re-connect. Sometimes you've just gotta shake up the routine a little...

Good luck :)

BK 2008

He's probably always given you a "sales pitch" - you just didn't notice it before. That's a behavior that would be hard to turn off and on. If you're really worried about your marriage, try a marriage encounter weekend. Lots of churches offer marriage workshops, weekends...many where you can take your kids along too. Have a "date night". Offer to watch another couple's children in exchange that they do the same so both couples can have a date night. Try and change how you react to his sales pitch. You can't change him, but you could change how you react to him. Try to figure out what part exactly irritates you. good luck!

Rachel

It is just a rut. All relationships go through them. Find a common interest and spend time together experiencing it. Something away from home is usually better, a change of scenery often stimulates the relationship.
Take time away from the kids to renew your relationship. Sometimes seeing each other in the "Mommy" or "Daddy" role with the kids can be a real turn off.
Reassess how you feel about each other and why you each feel the way you do. Sometimes that alone is enough to find out what is really going on with each other.

sleepy

the only background i have is 15 long hard years of marriage.i think its a phase,that all couples go thru,time and time again.some are good,some are bad,they are all hard.i am currently not trying to kill my husband off tonight because of his pitiful little fit he just threw over a pillow.im venting i quess im sorry.but things cant always be perfect

Lisa D

my guess is that he hasnt changed but you were too busy to notice before. he will be bewildered if you try to explain your feelings about his "sales pitch." this is what brings him success at work, he believes in his pitch and now you dont..so why is that? how would you like him to behave??

dawn

I think my husband and I are going through something very similar to this. He had cancer, and has been cancer free for a while now and slowly since then our connection is getting further and further apart.

We recently had a good conversation about our relationship, and we are going to make more of an effort to talk about our feelings and relatoinship, dislikes and likes, on a regular basis. We are going to start having "date nights" at least once a month. Communication is really important. Sounds simple, but it can be difficult.

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