Affair is over...do I tell his wife the truth?

Caidence

I would tell her the truth if she calls. You're only responsible for your actions, and judging by what you say, I don't think you'll feel good about yourself if you lie.

But if she doesn't call, I don't think you need to reach out to her.

US Navy Wife Love

If you were her, would you want to know about you? If the answer is yes, then tell her. Personally, I would think that she may have more respect for you for telling her the truth, and it may keep her from staying with him and being hurt.

My ex-fiance cheated on me, and his "side action" contacted me and told me what happened. It made me upset at first, but after I got over the initial shock, I thought to myself "hey, at least she is coming clean about it, unlike him. He still walks around here like nothing happened." I realized then that he wasn't good for me. I confronted him, we argued and ended it. Without her telling me exactly what happened, I would have been an idiot and stayed with him.

Would you want to end up with him if you were her?

Just think carefully about how you approach her if you decided to tell her. How you say things can be more hurtful than what you say.

marty

If married men are cheating - they are lying. They lie to their wives and to their mistress.
I know why you want to get even with him. But why do you want to hurt his wife? She had nothing to do with his affair and she is hurting enough, Leave her alone, If she calls you - tell her to talk to her husband.
M

Complicated

Option C. Don't answer her calls. If she ends up in front of you, just assure her that you are not interested in her husband, but do not want to get in the middle and she needs to direct her questions to him, not you. Reassure her that you will never speak to him again, and are not trying to create a problem, and end the conversation.

Walk away with your self-respect and dignity. Admit that you want to tell her bc you need/want to feel that you were important to him....this is clear from the comment, "I don't want him to....be able to pretend like I never existed."

Don't let this turn you into a vindictive B. At that point, he may not be able to pretend you never existed, but he'll sure wish you hadn't! Better to bundle up your lessons and memories and move on. If you strike out, you are telling everyone how hurt you are. Why don't you just keep that to yourself?!

Silenceâ„¢

Yes you need to tell her the truth. You were the other woman and got played. He was using you. Why would you want another woman to be in that type of relationship. Would you? I doubt it. Be a woman and let her know you didn't know about her. Think about all the other women he was probably seeing while he was messing with you. You can't sit here and call her dumb because just like you, she didn't know he was cheating with.....you. No it's not being selfish, it's called being an adult. What if he would've given you a STD or his wife an STD? I bet you would tell her then. Stand up for yourself and be a real woman. And if you DID know about her and still was messing with him after the first year...shame on you. Another man will come along and karma WILL kick in...

If you are as innocent as you're claiming, I'm sorry you had to go through this. Tell his wife....and if she asks...send her proof. Set him up. Good luck and God bless you.

S K

Treat people the way you want to be treated.

Jane D

well you do have a concious.. yes you should leave well enough alone and yes you are hurt. just wanting to get even with him.. you need time to cool down naturally you feel hurt and used specially if he told you he was leaving his wife but thats the oldest story in the book. for what ever reason things didnt' work out.. take the good memories with you and there had to be good times if you really think about it.

life is too short here. you had fun while it lasted yes its sad things didn't work out but you aren' the first this happened to. and think about it what can you gain from this in the end other than spite and hurting someone else and perhaps a family.

Move on learn from this and keep the memories you want. Never kiss and tell. as i said your angry hurt betrayed all things going through your mind right now .. a few months from now you'll see more clearly.

besides your not really that type of woman that would be that cruel back would you. I don't think you are. if your already having thoughts of knowing its going to hurt others.. Just walk away. he will remember you and what you did by not saying anything not that it matters anymore but it does to him. he'll know it inside

midnight2197

I would want to know. I wouldn't care if the other woman was telling me to hurt him or because she was worried about me (actually the latter would feel a little better), the important thing would be that she had proof. Do you have proof. I would want that because the guy has got to be a fantastic lier. He's probably seemless, and that, together with the fact that she loves him and that it's considered pretty horrible to accuse your spouse of cheating unless you have proof, means that she feels obligated to believe him.
I would want to know before I had a child with this guy so that I could get out. If she calls, tell her the truth. It's not selfish.

Aracely V

over two years? and he has been married less then five! what the hell?
yea your right you are stupid, and yes this is what you get for messing with a married man even if you found out late. However, you can do something about it, if i where you i would call his wife and tell her every thing...every little detail. She has a right to know that for more then half of her marriage was out being a little hoe, and that his vows were a total joke to him, i don't consider it being selfish, why should he get away with cheating ? when it comes to lil punk *** guys like that they need to be taught a lesson...and his wife really needs to know. Even if she stays with him i am sure she'll make his life hell for a little while.

E&L

What are you truly sorry about if you are willing to crush this poor woman's world? I think that's why they call the other woman a 'home wrecker' when they are willing to have an affair with a married man and then happily call the wife and tell her what's REALLY going on. How do you know he does not want kids, or are you sure that's what he told YOU so you would not get pregnant to snag him?!?

Don't be so sure she does not have your cell number, phone number, name and know where you work and live. She could in turn make YOUR life a living @#$* if she decided to exact her revenge on you instead of her husband.

bella

Does this make any sense to you when you read this back to yourself? What did you expect was going to happen when you made the decision to literally go after another woman's husband? You know,if certain females would just honor the silent code of not tempting or allowing to be tempted by another's partner, men would 'nt
have any reason to think about playing these games. The same goes for women. It takes two willing participants to engage in deception and infidelity. Don't think that just because you aren't the one who is involved with someone else that you're not at fault for your involvement..
I think you have done enough to this unsuspecting, innocent person and you should just bow out quietly. Leave this woman with her dignity entact and just accept that what you're really feeling is regret and guilt. I'm pretty certain, so is he. Because of this, you will never have peace in your own relationship. When things start getting a little off, you're always going to wonder if your mate isn't cheating on you? After all, you once tried to take someone who did'nt belong to you, so, what's to stop some other person from trying to do the same to you? He isn't getting off that easy. He has to live with the fear of her finding out;or having to take this to his grave. If he does this again, you can bet, eventually his karma will come back on him. You just need to walk away and chalk this up to a really stupid thing that you wont' ever fall for again.. Right?

Open R

put yourself in her shoes what you want to know. then act on that feeling. Don't do anything out of revenge that never works or makes you feel better.

mrs_G

Move past it and forget him. And be more careful about knowing things before getting involved with a guy. Why would you fall for the oldest line in the book, that he was leaving her for you? They ALL say that.

thatartistwin

First of all, I do not believe for one minute that you did not suspect he was married for over a year. Second, if you didn't you did not have much of a relationship. Third, once you knew you did not give a damn about his wife or her pain. You claim to now have gained some sort of a conscience. I doubt that. You simply were hurt and want revenge on him at her expense.

That being said, yes you should tell her since she should have the option of knowing what kind of low class idiots you both are and the opportunity to move on with someone who has some decency.

Sorry but your "I was selfish and I am an idiot" doesn't wash with me. You should have thought about that before. Get ready for the karma. You deserve it.

Becca

Best thing to do is not contact her or the guy ever again. It's gonna be hard, but it's in the best interest of all of you. If you stick with him, then he's gonna believe that he can get away with lying the rest of his life. You need to teach him by leaving him that he shouldn't be doing this.

If the wife does contact you, apologize and tell the truth. It's the best thing to do. But contacting the wife opens all kinds of wounds and I don't think you would want that.

You are doing the right thing by leaving him, don't worry.

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