Am I a bad person to be thinking of divorce?
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Am I a bad person to be thinking of divorce?
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I was married to a man for 21 years and on our 21st anniversary, he told me he was in love with someone else. It was a MAN that he had been talking to in a chat room on the computer. I knew that he was chatting with this guy but he didn't get along with a lot of his family so, I thought that this was good. I have a girlfriend on the computer that I talk to so I understood his having a friend. Right on our 21st anniversary he told me that he was leaving. That he was in love with this guy that he was talking to and was leaving. I was devastated! I lived and breathed for this man. We had two children together and I planned on dying old with him. I was only 16 years old when we were married. I was so scared of being on my own.
I met this man (through another friend) on the internet. We had been talking and after about 6 months, he said that he was coming up to meet me. (He was in Florida and I'm in VT). He did come up and we dated for about 1 year, while I waited for the divorce. He was great. Then we got married. Then things changed. He goes to work, leaves 3-4 hours early everyday... won't help do anything around home. Leaves all of the yardwork up to me. He won't help mow or anything. He leaves all the housework up to me.... I have to follow him like a 5 year old. And leaves all the bill paying up to me. If something comes with a window in the envelope, he doesnt even look at it. We are barely making ends meet. He insists that he has to have cable with all the "frills" because he works hard and deserves it. He has surius satellite radio, because he works hard and deserves it. He is constantly going to doctors. He takes all kinds of pain medications (my kids think he's a druggie).... he just got a dr to put him on methadone! He is on percocet from his PCP and doesn't want to tell him that another Dr. has him on Methadone because he doesnt want to loose the percocet. He even gets into my pocketbook and takes my meds! We are barely making ends meet because of medical bills. If he makes 125.00 for the week, he still takes his "allowance" of 120.00. That is 480.00 a month! And he goes to the grocery store and adds money in cash onto that too. I owned my other home and it would of been paid off now. I bought this home because it is closer to his work and he wouldn't have to leave so early and drive as far. He's leaving 2-4 hours early everyday. He is a Steward and in the Union and he told me that he had a meeting. I called the office and the receptionist told me that she knew of no meeting. She would of had to schedule the people off from their machines to attend the meeting. He was livid to think that I had called and told me that she wouldn't know of the meeting. I am Mormon and he told me he was too. The church looked it up and he was but not a practicing Mormon. To make a long enough story shorter... he doesn't go to church either. We've been married for 8 years now and I just don't want to be here anymore. All of my other homes money is in this marriage and here. I'm not happy in this marriage at all. We don't even go out once a month. We don't do anything at all. Am I a bad person even thinking of divorce?
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Sue C
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You are in NO WAY a "bad" person for even thinking of divorce. He is absolutely doing NOTHING for you, but actually is a burden on you in more ways than one. Just because he "works" he thinks everyone owes him?! Sorry about that, but just about everyone works & so should he! And, to make matters worse, he takes almost all the money which is NOT a bit fair of him. He is nothing but a leach! YES, he DOES have a drug problem on top of everything else. Actually, one takes "methadone" when they are trying to get "off" pain meds.! He's using it for just another med. I would HIDE my meds. from him. Find a place to actually "keep them on you". Put them in a "baggie" & hide them in your bra! I know of a girl who has to do this to keep her meds. from her husband for doing the same exact things he's doing to you. Do NOT let him take your meds. too, this is totally NOT fair, & YES, he sure does have a drug habit. When you go Dr. shopping, use different Drs. to get all the pain meds. you can, is a SURE SIGN there IS a problem there. Actually, the very BEST thing you should do would be to just plain divorce him & get him out of your home. Let him go live w/the one he's so in love with. Why should you have to put up w/all this insanity when someone else can! Do yourself a big favor & rid yourself of this "person" who calls himself your husband, IF that's what you even could say he is at this point. I DO wish you the very best...:) |
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Say it Like it Is :)
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Wanting to be happy doesn't make you a bad person. If me wanting a divorce makes me a bad person in other people eyes, I could care less. Having some sanity and being divorced is SO much better than staying w/ someone you hate and being absolutely miserable the rest of your days. |
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blonde101
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you are not a bad person. ur life has been hard. tell the guy you are with that he needs to pull his weight around the house or u r gonna have to leave him. |
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sightseer
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Stop paying the frills for him
MAKE him pay his way and half of everything
Get out now |
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6@5^&%
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no you are not a bad person sometimes we go through so much throughout other lives that us women looks at divorce as freedom |
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VHE123
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NO you are not a bad person for thinking of divorce. You deserve better. |
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Vincent
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no your not a bad person at all... i figure you tried to make it work but he just wasnt hearing it. many women are in the same situation at which your in. i believe that one should be happily married not sadly married. go get your divorce and get a fresh start on life. good luck to you and all your future endeavors. |
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