Am I a horrible person?

Dr. Mike

First, you fight all the time. I can think of no better reason to NOT get married. Do you think the stress of marriage is going to make thing better? Wrong!

Second, you think about dating other people because of the stress of the fighting. You know this relationship is wrong so you dream of escape.

Third, you have a child but you aren't married to him yet. Another sign you are to immature to be married.

Advise: Do not get married. Break up with him. Move out with your child. Date other people.

email me if you want to talk further.

antwan1357

it is maybe because you want to be away from him is the child his if not is he the money maker in the relationship is that why your sticking with him so ask yourself many questions

Queen of Beer

You are not a horrible person, but you need to be honest with yourself and your fiancee. Do not get married if you are having these feelings. Don't get married b/c you are afraid you will hurt his feelings if you break it off. That would be moronic. Trust me! It will save you years of heartbreak and tons of money.

Mrs. Heather Schabby

You're not a horrible person. However, you do need to take a long, hard look at your relationship and decide if you think it's right for you.

If you're seriously thinking about dating other people, and having a desire to do so, that's not normal. However, it's okay to picture other people sometimes and think about other people - after all, we're only human!

If you think your feelings are more than that, look at your life and your relationship. Are you happy? Do you REALLY want to spend the rest of your life with him? Engagement & marriage are big commitments and I think too often are taken way too lightly. I got married at 21 so don't think I'm knocking your age, I'm just saying make sure that you're really sure it's HIM you want, and not just a wedding and marriage. I think all too often us women get caught up in the luster of having a wedding and just actually being married as opposed to focusing on our spouse-to-be and making our decisions based on that.

Good luck!

Mrs. M

i would hold off on the wedding, i know you said it will be a while.
make sure hes the one before you get married.
Just because you have a son doesnt mean your fiance is your soulmate. If your having doubts, look into them rather then ignore them.
Good luck

marisanj

sounds like you rushed into everything too quick and now you are wondering how it would be with someone else. Maybe you should both take some time and see other people. You might not be the right person for each other and the fact that you had a kid together STILL does not make you right for one another.

Goldie_Just not right

It's possible this is just cold feet. If you think getting married will stop the fights, it won't. Thinking of what it might be like with other people is normal especially after a fight because you believe it would be better with someone else. There is no harm if you never act on those thoughts. You should ask yourself if you can deal with the fighting for the rest of your life. If you answer no then you might want to call it off or if your fiance means enough to you go through some therapy together.

Yeppers

It does not make you a bad person. It just makes you a confused person who needs to work some things out in her life. It does NOT make you a unfit parent!!!

rsv1020

You're 22 for crying out loud. Go live your life (but continue to be a responsible mom to your child)

Why be stuck in a relationship that you don't really want so later on in life you get a divorce anyways?

Explore who you are and what type of man makes you happy so when you truly know who you are and what you want it will last a life time.

s r f

its only normal for you to think like that because you are so young with such an adult life just as long as you dont act on any situations and if you honestly feel you need to date other ppl then you need to leave him then

linda s

I think you should have a discreet affair.
Playing the field but be careful.
You might find that the grass in NOT greener on the other side

Matthew M

well you don't seem liek a bad person cause you know what you're going to do if you date other men.. pls think about it :) it hurts real bad to see your gf/bf with another human being :/

Sun R

Hey girl, don't listen to these fools who claim your not a good mom because you and your fiance argue. Thats a load and you know it, don't pay attention to it.
As far as knowing if you should marry this guy or not, you said you won't be getting married for awhile, so you have time to decide if this relationship is going to last. Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side, but it truly isn't.
So what are the fights about, petty stuff, or deal breaking stuff. Look at it this way, when you guys start to argue ask yourself is this going to matter in a year, if not don't argue. Sometimes its so much easier to look the other person in the eye and say I am not going to argue with you. If you guys are fighting about minor things, then just let it go. Sounds like you do really love this guy or you wouldn't be so consider on how it would affect him.
But living together and being married are two different things. I never thought so, I always thought, well we live together, marriage is just a peice of paper, its not a big deal. It is a commitment to each other and to your family. Its a lifetime commitment, or at least it is meant to be a lifetime commitment.
Good luck making a decision, and again don't listen to those ppl who are downing you because you question your relationship, it doesn't make you anything other than a human

It's normal to have these thoughts - you are only 22. I don't know how old your boyfriend is but if he's young, chances are he's probably thinking the same thing. Thought like that are natural...everyone has them at some point or another. The important thing you have to ask yourself is whether or not you are ready for marriage because to me, from what you posted, it doesn't sound like you are. It's better to get a grip on these thoughts now, access them for what they are and deal with them before they being to cause problems in your relationship.

You only have one life ma, make the choices that will be best for you and your son but be happy as well.

Betty M

I wouldn't say you a horrible person, just someone who is too young to be in a committed relationship. You want to date other guys, but you don't want your boyfriend to date other girls. You can't have it both ways.

shortmama7j

If you feel like this now your will NOT be any happier in 5 years you better think again about getting married.

â™¥ â™¥HONESTY RULESâ™¥â™¥

You are not a bad mom.

You are young, and sad to say it but if you feel this way now, you will feel worse later, like you've missed something. You need to explore your options and live a little. If your BF is the one, then he will still be there when you are done:)

callieq

It sounds like you just have too much going on and are scared. Try talking to a good, trustworthy friend or even your fiance. Tell him you don't want to fight, you love him, but some things need to be changed.
You are human, don't let anyone beat you up for that, and it does not by any means mean you are a bad mother.

cmletamendi

It seems like you two are getting married for the kid, and not for love...I think you two can work it out, but it may take a while. Be patient. With yourself and with him. And even if you are having these thoughts, your kid should now be your top priority in life and as you know, children with both parents generally have more success, social adaptation, happiness, etc, in my opinion.

Austin Z

no your not a bad person

John D

It sounds like you got into your relationship kind of young. Don't think he doesn't have the same thoughts. It's not horrible. The bad thing is if you make a commitment and then break it. With a 16-month old, you have a commitment to the child, minimally.

The thing is since you never really had the chance to explore other relationships, you have to make a decision for yourself, and it's a hard one: "Do you stick with the man you've engaged and with whom you have a child? OR Do you strike out as a single mom and eventually find another relationship?"

I can't tell you what to do, for you. But if it was me, I would discuss this with my intended -and seek some counseling to talk through these issues (maybe not in that order) before getting married. You're feeling bad about your feelings/desires -so that's a warning to you that you need to examine where you are in your life and relationship before things get out of hand and you either (1) get into a bad marriage or conversely (2) wreck your relationship with the man you love.

Good luck.

DoctorRemedy

I think you need to discuss your feelings with him. I'm not saying to tell him everything but you need to start a dialogue with him and let him know what you want.

Amanda C

No your not a bad person, just not ready to get married. Work all these feelings and desires out before you get married. Maybe you and your bf should split. It sounds like you are not happy.You won't be happy when you get married either. Don't go into a marriage already regretting it.

Nacho

yes

wow, i can get existential too

curiosity is completely normal, and hey, you're not married yet. Is it worth getting married and then getting a divorce? it isn't your fault if you're not prepared for such a large commitment... as much as leaving your current situation may hurt those that you care about.

On the other hand, studies show that children do better in a dual parent environment. your happiness is very important--don't get me wrong. BUT, your son's future is too.

However, would it make a difference in his life if you and your fiance got a divorce as opposed to broke up or went on a break now?

these are all questions that you have to ask yourself before making such a monumental decision; i wish you the best of luck.

nonameblonde

There is no such thing as "we already are basically married." Married is married and single is single. You are only 22. Do yourself a favor and allow yourself to grow as a person and as a woman. You'll thank yourself when you're 30 and 40 years old. Trust me on this one.

â™¥MuAHâ™¥

Very tough! My thoughts are you might be loosing interest with your man because you are having thoughts of other men. But then again it could be something that you just want to know what's out there and your not totally happy right now. So you probly think to yourself im so young I could be doing this and that, and that's very common. But if that's the case don't let those evil thoughts enter your mind. Think about all the great things you have and are lucky for. Not the things you don't have or might want to have. But if you simply are not happy with your relationship at all! Then you might need to look for a separation, just try not to make it a game and go back again, and leave(bc there is a child involved). GOODLUCk TO YOU!

BobbiBlu

What happened is that you tied yourself down too young. You have not had the experiences of dating others and living out the part of life that most young women your age are experiencing. You can't miss parts, at least most people can't. You are young, tied down and feeling stuck and unhappy....you sound normal to me. There are remedies for this situation, however I don't know all of the details.....there are books and therapists for this.

Chrissy Q

ur not a horrible person. If ur thinking about other people already and ur not even married yet, then u guys either need counseling or space. Take time to figure out what is best

vincebox twenty

we only live once and everything happens for a reason
send him packing and live a little

the rest of your life starts tommorrow

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: