Am I being too demanding??

Dr. Deth

he should be happy to spend time with his child, the ungrateful beesturd

sunbun

a part of this may still be your harmones getting back to normal... but how about making a nice quiet dinner for the two of you while baby is being quiet or is down for a nap.

Look Away, I'm Hideous

He needs to help you. You must be exhausted.

curmudgeon

tell him, nicely, what you want.

joyceeleann

I have news for you...Men, do not bond like woman do, not even to their own kids. Your husband is not gonna turn into this magical father just because you guys had a baby together.

oh_jo123

umm no you just had a baby and he is more worried about stupid computer games hello can someone say not very responsible

S K

This is a problem. He should be devoting himself to his family.

michelle.nieves

just casualy mention somthng to him

Christine

This is something I think all new fathers go through. The baby scares him, things aren't the same as when it was just the two of you. He feels the pressure to work and earn a good living more than he ever did before the birth of your baby, and if he has work stress on top of it... oh man! You should sit down and talk with him about it. He does need his time to 'decompress' but he also needs to spend time with you and the baby (and hopefully give you 30 minutes of time to have alone, shower... sleep... whatever) It takes time adjusting to the new family life. Just talk to him openly, and tell him you aren't mad, you understand he needs some time... but let him know you and the baby need him too! Good luck!

tricia e

lok maybe ur being to demanding if you tell him to be with you guys but justask him for a lil vacation for the three of you

sunfire1165

Too demanding for what??? HE'S STRESSED???? What about you? Does he consider how you may feel? Doesn't he understand that being a parent, especially a mother, is a 24-7 job? You have two babies to take care of now!! But you should voice your feelings, if you hold back now, it'll never change, hell, it may never change anyhow but at least you will have said something right? Maybe he's jealous that the baby is getting all the attention! LOL! Seriously...talk to him.

Hope things work out for you and CONGRATULATIONS on your new baby!

jackielafemme

No, youÂ´re right, this is when you need an extra support from everybody. Your husband should be less "stressed" and be more with you... Playing games make him escape from reality..Talk to him and ask him. You need a supportive partner not another child...Ask for help,,. IÂ´m a mother of 2, I know how it feels...

Aly :]

you aren't being too demanding.
ask him to spend some time with you,
nicely.
just sit and talk to him with the baby.
but still let him play computer games
some of the time.
it will be more balanced

biscuit.heads

You should question him about it rather than taking a constant "nagging" approach(not that you are!) ; that way you cant be said to be too demanding.

Hun, he did have something to do with making the baby, right? So why are you being left to take care of the child by yourself. I would definitely check his a** about that. He maybe stressed out with his job, but you have a 24/7 job....so what is he really complaining about. Maybe you guys can come up with a compromise that he has to spend a certain amount of hours when he comes home with the family and then he can go play his video games.

Lynn

I do not believe you are being too demanding. I have a friend that recently had a baby and her husband has continued to do the same things he use to do before she got pregnant such as hanging out with his friends and going out to clubs. He wanted the child as bad as she did. But now he feels that because it is a baby his wife should do everything, it as if he feels that only women can care for a child. It is causing a lot of unwanted feelings with my friend. She is actually considering leaving him. I would probably sit down and talk to him and let him know how it makes you feel, do it in a non confrontational way so that he will listen. Try leaving the baby home with him sometimes and make excuses to get out of the home. He may actually enjoy the responsibility. I do not know what else to recommend.

kja63

Your husband needs to grow up. He has a family now. A wife and child that need him. Stress at work or not, he has to actively participate in his marriage and in the raising of & caring for his child.

Girly1

He sounds stressed out about work and home. Stress from work is tough to leave at work and now he has to think about supporting you both and the new baby. A new baby can be stressfull as you very well know. Before the baby you two probably spent alot of time together so now the baby is there and that limits your together time. Try to talk to him and maybe you two can work out some time for the both of you together and also some family time but still give him some time to himself to destress, Don't forget you need some down time to destress also.

Tominator

I remember right after my son was born, I was playing that damnable Zelda game a lot, BUT it was only while the wife and kid were asleep. I was ready and available whenever she or he needed me. I remember falling asleep with him in my lap while feeding him in the middle of the night. SHe found us sitting there sleeping.
Long story short, NO you are not being too demanding. He should be happy to help in any way possible.

Globetrotter

You need to express your wishes to him that you understand his work made him stressed out, but could he divide his evening with you and the baby?
Say, limit the time spent on computer games and spend some time with you and the baby.
Marriage involves good communication. He needs to know how you feel about him neglecting you two but be nice about it and reason it out. Do not lose your temper. It would be counter-productive.

Flo S

When my kids were little, my then husband (proudly divorced now), never once took the initiative to spend time with them, it's was only when I demanded he take his own kids to the park across the street for God's sake, that he finally did.

At that point, it spissed me off to have to go there to get him to do it. I don't care about this mumble, jumble about men are different creatures than women or that they are from mars, we are from venus either.

Family comes first, simple as that. I am now a grandma and I am witnessing the same thing happening between my oldest daughter and the father of my twin granddaughters. She is fed up with his lack of fatherly feelings towards his own kids.

You can just imagine the advice I gave her.

SPEAK YOU'RE MIND TO THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILD/FUTURE CHILDREN NOW. Because holding it in will only create resentment and more problems in the end.

Donna H

You just need to speak to him and be open, tell him how you feel, ask hime to take a night away from it to spend with you, or ask your parents to look after you baby for one night and show him what he is missing.

Alissa

Honestly sometimes when I'm overwhelmed from work and school (I'm 28; work full time and attend school part-time) I ignore my boyfriend and play online games. Its a way for me to relieve stress. He thinks I am ignoring him and gets angry. Its not that I don't want to spend time with him but if I don't do a mindless activity I'm still on edge from my day and I end up taking it out on him. We've had many discussions about this and he promises to allow me to have some mindless activity time and I promised to not let it monopolize my time. Try to talk to him about it and also try to understand it from his point of view as well.

fox_maple

No you aren't being too demanding, but he isn't being that unusual either. The first few months with a new baby is a REALLY hard time. Women have biological things happening that prepare them for parenthood, as well as make their lives miserable for the months following giving birth. Men on the other hand have had nothing biological happen to them. They are the same guy they were last year, but now there is a crying baby and stressed wife in the picture. Luckily time takes care of the problems for both sides. Your raging hormones will calm down and give you a whole new perspective on everything, and he will get to know this baby and realize how fun it is being a dad and he will become more involved. Just hang in there and try not to fight. If you need his help with something, than tell him specifically what you want him to do and don't feel guilty about it. You'll get through it hun! Everybody does!

just me

He may be unsure of his skills as a new dad. And about money (unless you have tons of it). Let him know you need help. Get the baby fed, dry and asleep. Then let him know you need some down time. Take a bath and relax. With less to do for the baby, he may become more sure of himself. give him one task for the baby at a time until he feels more sure of himself.

mommacat

You aren't being too demanding at all. You aren't the only one who had the baby! Don't fight him, but talk to him calmly-men can turn a deaf ear to ragging-and let him know how you feel. If he is stressed out you don't want to push him away or create a big battle that will only make things worse.

misbotta

I have three kids. Your hormones are still making you question yourself. You should sit down with your husband and explain that you understand his stress but you have a baby now and need some help. Explain to him how you feel. If you do that, it is not being demanding at all. It is simply explaining your feelings to your husband. Now if you were to tell him that he has to do something simply b/c you said so, that would be demanding. Take a deep breathe and remember that you are a family and communication is the key to a good marriage.

Tamyxyz

Hi, I think it's always a big chance to get a baby (no, I don't have any) and maybe your husband is trying to avoid facing the fact that his life's gonna be different from now on. Maybe he even feels rejectes by your new intimacy with the baby and so he escapes in his playworld. I would try to intigrate him in your relationship to the baby and let him taking part. Show him also how important he is for you - not just because you want him to help with the baby. Maybe he feels jealousy and is scared of this new responsibility. Good luck!

Anthony S

I will tell something important right now, it could save your marriage.

If he is playing online role playing games (MMORPG's) such as World of Warcraft or Final fantasy online, make him stop immediately.

I used to play both of these games when I was younger, and I have seen so many of my friends get divorced over this game. Because the spouse playing wont lift a finger to do anything, rushes home from work to play and ignores their family, stays home from work either b/c they were up all night playing or want to play instead of work.

Catch it while its fixable otherwise trust me you will be sorry.

myangelsfuture

Give him some time there is only so much that he can do right now. When the baby gets alittle older when they start the coo...ing and notices when dad walks into the room and starts getting excited to see him it will change. That baby will turn him into mush you waite and see! Best wishes and congrates on the new addition to your family!

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