Am I being unfair by wanting to leave?

When we moved back from overseas, my husband wanted to move to the town he grew up in in the midwest where his family is. I wanted to move to the west coast where my family is. We bought a house in the midwest, his home town. He said we wouldn't stay. That was in 1993. He has friends, family, familiar things here that I have never been able to establish. Since then I only get to see my family for a week or two at a time, maybe once a year. My Dad just died and I'm afraid of losing more time with my family. Our kids are almost grown and we've had many troubles along the way. This year is 22 years we've been married. Neither of us is abusive or unfaithful, but I'm not happy and he knows it. Am I being unfair for wanting to leave him?

Psycho Therapist

you keep saying "his family" and "my family". What about "our family?" You do need to spend more time with your parents, siblings, and friends. This is something you usually work out very early in the marriage. For you, after 22 years to want to leave him for this reason seems excessive to me. You can always visit more often. You don't have to take him with you, that way you can stay longer.

Is this the only source of your unhappiness? it doesn't seem so. ?

mack

Yes. For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking ALL others, till death do you part. Remember?

Epiphany

as husband and wife, sit down with him and tell him you want to compromise on where to move. if it doesn't go well and if he still continues to be stubborn and non-negotiable, tell him you how you truly feel, that you are unhappy. to answer your question, i would only think it to be unfair if you made the decision without trying one last time to talk it out first. i really hope everything goes okay, breaking up a 22 year marriage is a lot to consider. best of luck!

billscott92787

I wouldn't say you are being unfair. It seems that you are unhappy, and that he isn't willing to give in to your wants and needs. I would sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel. It appears that you have been together a LONG time and definitely you seem like you want to keep the relationship, but you feel that you do not want to miss out on family time. Ask him to move there so you can be closer to your family. If he really loves you he will do it. Tell him you are upset about your dad, that you are afraid of losing your other family. I'm sure he will understand. If not, then follow your heart.

luvtochasecows

You can't help the way you feel. Tell him it's time the two of you lived near your family for a while. If not, tell him you'd like to move and spend some time with them and he's welcome to come, but if not, you are going anyway.

Nena S

People change over time....so do relationships.

I would strongly suggest you take some time to think things over before taking a decision you might regret.

Have you considered the possibility you might be depressed? I mean clinically ill. Depression takes many forms, since there is "light depression" and there is also "serious depression"...

Why don't you schedule an appointment with your doctor and have some tests run? Your hormones might be at the wrong levels; or you might be having some kind of personal crisis a therapist can help you to address and deal with.

Happiness is a personal choice...and we should try to live in peace, both with ourselves and with others around us. When peace is missing, our hearts and minds suffer; so do our bodies.

Good luck. Seek professional help soon. You are a good person, and I'm sure God wants you to feel better and to realize all the potential you have. Seek him with a humble heart as well, and ask for His guidance.

22 years is a long time.....
You will be in my prayers.

Clementine

you may not have to leave him, maybe you can make some sort of an arrangement. Maybe you can just take a year off to be with your family, I know it's hard to be far away. I am . I had a friend who moved for her husband, and she was miserable the whole time, and he wasn't trying to help her either, and they ended up divorced. I don't like it where I live, and I am only here because of my husband. But we make the best of it, and we are planning our retirement, we take trips. I couldn't live close to his family though, that would be a total deal breaker for me.

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